Years after God called me out of a high-paying marketing role, He gave me the green light to start a small business in social media and content marketing.

It was a dream that I’d had for a while, unaware that it was a dream given by Him until much later. I wanted to use social media and digital content as a platform to creatively witness to the world, and God affirmed that He was going to give me this opportunity through my business.

As much as it felt so rewarding to be able to set out on my own, I also went in with many doubts.

I have never seen myself as a big fish in this industry. I worried about whether I had enough experience and industry knowledge to stand out. My biggest fear was to be confronted by a client or industry expert, who would expose how much of a fraud I actually am. So this made me not want to aim high.

I cruised through fun projects and small-level clients in the first few months. During this period I discovered my creative side, got better at creating, and learned to be gracious as I sought to be a better communicator and service provider to the people who seemed to trust me no end.

I learned how to manage time better, and how to maintain boundaries. With practice, I got better at what I already knew.

The client I wanted to avoid

Then, things took a turn, and a huge challenge was thrown into the mix. I got a chance to work with a new client who pushed every single button in my system.

This was the client that asked hard questions to challenge the rationale of every suggestion I made. The client who played mind games, never really revealing too much and always trying to maintain the upper hand in all discussions so as not to be on the “losing end”.

The client who always seemed to disapprove of everything, who indirectly reminded me that my skills were not good enough, and at the same time wanted me to read her mind to figure her out.

This client was the very type I was hoping to avoid. This client was the reason I was relieved to no longer be working in the corporate world. This client made me feel so incompetent. This client made me want to give up and run. Fast.

But in my spirit I knew God didn’t want me to run. There was a reason for this season.

He revealed to me that this was going to be a season of growth. I was doing well at what I already knew, and God wanted me to step out of my comfort zone, because He was giving me a new opportunity to learn some new things.

Time to stop “playing safe”

And things had to be learned in such a hard way. It would require me overcoming some of my biggest fears and insecurities. It would require me activating courage and boldness from within. It would require me to die to my ego and take on a new place of humility.

Come to think of it, I have never allowed myself to be here. To be wrong, to be so incapable.

I was always “playing safe”, never daring to take a risk. As a result, the voice that God had given me to witness in an unbelieving world was not developed and strengthened. How, then, could I be an effective witness?

I knew that this season would be key in achieving my main goal of wanting to be His witness. Was I willing to go through the training?

God spoke to me through the imagery of a plant. He showed me through John 15 what he was doing to me in this season.

“He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” (John 15:2)

I was already good at something, and I was bearing fruit in that area. Now he had to prune it to make it more fruitful. Pruning is a painful process, but required, if I were to go to the next level of fruitfulness.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)

Because I felt so incapable in this season, I was greatly aware that there was no way I would be able to succeed, unless I remain in God. This season would require me to hold on to God more than ever before, and trust that through Him I would be able to do all that is required of me.

“This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” (John 15:8)

God assured me that I would be able to witness to my client, a non-believer, through this process. He revealed that my attitude and willingness to be taught through this process would be my shining light of His glory to this particular client.

Choosing to say “yes”

Realising His intentions for this season brought me so much assurance that He is with me and that I can lean on Him as I walk through this. Honestly, it still scares me. A part of me still wants to run away as fast as I can, and stay in my hiding place of solitude so I don’t have to deal with this.

But if there’s anything I learned through past experiences, it’s that God does not require us to be fear-free to go through difficult times. He simply wants the “Yes”, and even the right attitude behind that “Yes”.

I discovered that even in saying “Yes”, we can say it begrudgingly and have a bad attitude, as if to say, “I’m only saying ‘yes’ to You because that’s what You want, but it doesn’t mean I’m not going to drag my feet or throw a tantrum as I go through this”.

So, in spite of every shaking bone in my being that still screams to run, I am choosing to count the joy in this season, knowing that in this growth, He is with me, and doing the hard work with me.

He is a good Father that won’t make me go through hardship for fun, but does so because there is a promise of something much greater at the end of it.