While most people in their senior years would be looking forward to a carefree retirement life, Pastor Too Teh Hsin and his wife decided to become foster parents.

They made this decision a decade ago when his children – a son and a daughter from his first marriage – were already in their 20s and living on their own. Joyce’s son from her first marriage was 17 and also rather independent.

Since then, the 68-year-old pastor at Agape Baptist Church and his wife Joyce, 55, have fostered seven children. The youngest was just months old and the oldest was nine. Some spent a few months with them, while others stayed for years.

They currently have three foster children living under their roof, not including one they adopted just a few months before their interview with Salt&Light. The 11-year-old, who has been with them for 10 years, was the first child they fostered.

Ps Too (left) and Joyce (centre) opened their hearts and their home to foster children 10 years ago.

The “Good Samaritan moment”

While it was Joyce who broached the topic of fostering, God was the one who convinced Ps Too to take the leap.

Before Joyce met Ps Too, she had been a single mother for 13 years. While caring for her son, she got to know other single mothers, many of whom struggled to cope alone.

Blessed with a flexible work schedule, Joyce was happy to lend a hand babysitting their children whenever the need arose.

Through these “God-given moments”, Joyce realised that not only did she have the capacity to help, she had the desire to do so as well.

By the time she married Ps Too in 2009, that heart for vulnerable children had grown into a deep conviction to foster them.

She would often raise the idea with her husband, but he was resistant at first.

“I had already done it (raised children). I had worked all my life and wanted to have an easier retirement life,” Ps Too said.

Said Joyce: “I understood his perspective.”

Joyce (left) has always had a heart for vulnerable children.

However, God convicted Ps Too one day through the parable of The Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). “The first two men saw the man beaten up and both just walked past. I didn’t want to be this kind of Christian,” said Ps Too.

So when Joyce told him one night that there was a baby girl at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital who needed a set of foster parents, Ps Too felt it was his “Good Samaritan moment”.

Ps Too with their first foster child whom they took in when she was one.

“God told me, ‘You were angry about the first two men who walked away. Now you can do something.’”

After spending some time in prayer, husband and wife decided to take the child in.

If not us, then who?  

Two weeks later, they were told that their would-be foster child was gravely ill. They were asked if they wanted to change their minds about taking her home.

Ps Too and Joyce with their first foster child whom they have since adopted. This was the first time she went to church with them.

The baby was in the hospital in the first place because she had suffered head injuries. After an operation, she remained quite ill, experiencing frequent seizures and requiring tube-feeding.

When Joyce told her husband about the situation, he said: “All the more we have to take her in. Who else is going to take in this child?”

Said Joyce: “That was quite a big turnaround (for him). I was surprised. He felt a lot of compassion.”

The paperwork for the fostering took months. So though the couple was willing to nurse a severely sick child, by the time the girl came to them she was nearly a year old and her condition had improved.

No one-size-fits-all parenting   

Each foster child who has come under the Toos’ care has come with his or her own challenges. One of their foster children has global development delay. Another has ADHD and dyslexia.

Though the Toos have raised three children of their own, parenting foster children required them to change some of their parenting styles. They have learnt to be firm without being too strict.

“They bring with them all this baggage and they can react to you in very unpredictable ways,” said Joyce.

For example, instead of being happy about a huge birthday celebration the Toos organised for her, one of their foster children’s “face was so black”. After cutting the birthday cake, the nine-year-old stormed into her room.

The Toos were dumbfounded until they realised that she had simply been confused. “Nobody had celebrated her birthday before. She had never had a birthday cake or a birthday party just for her,” explained Joyce.

“I learnt that there is no one-size-fits-all for parenting. During the times I have failed, it is the Lord who gives me the love to give to the child. I cannot manufacture it on my own. That is why I need Jesus,” she added.

Ps Too agreed that it is God’s love that motivates him to love: “The way that God loves us compared to the way we love our children is amazing. We look at our children when they misbehave and realise we are worse than our children, yet He loves us.”

Each of their foster children come with his or her own challenges, so the Toos rely on God’s wisdom to parent them well.

Fostering as a family

One important lesson the Toos have learnt in these past 10 years is that fostering happens as a family.

One of their foster children, who has special needs, used to run away to the playground late in the night and throw things out of the window. On one occasion, she took the ink cartilage out of the printer and poured the ink all over the house.

Her disruptive behaviour affected the other foster children.

“The one in junior college cried and asked, ‘Aren’t we enough for you? Why do you still get another one?’” recalled Joyce.

“That was the first time I thought: As a family, I cannot just consider that there is a need (of the new child for a home). Everyone has to get on board. That was my first failure in fostering. We don’t have success stories all the time,” she admitted.

Ps Too with his first foster daughter, now his adopted daughter.

Nevertheless, they have noticed the impact when all members of the family chip in to help.

The foster children who have been around for longer often help to remind newcomers of the five rules of the Too household: No arguing about school, food, sleeping time, bathing and family devotions.

“We had one boy who didn’t want to eat vegetables. When he left, he was eating vegetables,” said Joyce.

That there are other foster children in the home makes it easier for the new child to adapt because “everyone is the same, everyone is a foster child”, she added.

More than just a home

Beyond giving vulnerable children a safe haven, the Toos hope to make a lasting impact on their lives.

“It’s a ministry, an opportunity to show love to children who are not loved,” said Joyce.

From family outings to board game nights, the Toos try to give their foster children a taste of what it is like to be part of a loving family.

Added Ps Too: “We help to absorb the pain and trauma of their broken families and point their hopes to Jesus. We want the children to know how much God loves them, and for them to love Christ.

“I love this description of dying to self by Dr Krish Kandiah, the Founder of Home for Good UK. He said, ‘Foster care and adoption is not just a ‘bed and breakfast’ service for children. It is about voluntary redemptive suffering on behalf of children who have been traumatised.’

“Christians must care for vulnerable children because we are the beneficiaries of the voluntary redemptive suffering of Christ so that we may be adopted into our eternal home.”

The Toos are heartened that the environment they have provided for their foster children have helped some to thrive.

One long-staying foster child came to them at nine years old, unable to read English. Today, she is in one of the top junior colleges.

Joyce recounts another incident that gave her hope: Once, one of their new foster children had called the police in a huff.

When the policeman came, the Toos realised he was the same one who had come to their house two years prior because of the meltdowns of their foster daughter with special needs.

The policeman made a comment when he saw the girl again: “You look like a very different child from before.”

Said Joyce: “We felt encouraged that something was happening. God is at work even if we may not see it immediately.”

Love that lets go

Though they have foster children who have stayed with them for many years, Ps Too and Joyce believe that the ultimate goal of fostering is to return them to their biological families.

“So every child that comes, we try to make sure they have certain skills and coping mechanisms,” said Joyce.

Saying goodbye to one of their foster children.

Asked if letting go of a child they have learnt to love so deeply is scary, Ps Too replied: “If my fear of breaking my heart denies a child the chance to be loved by us, I am loving myself.

“If I love the child like God, He is willing to break His heart. My heart will break when you leave. That’s what love is. That is living out the gospel.”

Have a heart for vulnerable children and families?

To commemorate Orphan Sunday in Singapore (November 10, 2024), World Without Orphans – Southeast Asia and Home for Good, Singapore have come together with various partners to organise a series of events.

These include:

• A 13-day devotional (November 1–13)
• Orphan Sunday services (November 10)
• A Worship & Prayer Night (November 11)
• Roundtables for churches and organisations (November 12-13)

To find out how you can join in, click on the links above for more details.

World Without Orphans is a global movement whose mission is to call and equip national leaders to collaborate in solving their own country’s orphaned and vulnerable children’s crisis.

Home for Good, Singapore is a registered charity that supports a network of foster parents, adoptive parents and volunteers who are passionate about helping vulnerable children, youth and families from all backgrounds. 

RELATED STORIES:

“All they need is one trusted adult. We want to be that adult for them”: What you need to know about the fostering journey

How one couple opened their hearts to love children in need of a home

“We knew in our heart that we are Kaela’s ‘forever family’”: Couple who were moved to adopt their foster child