Most days after school, Joleen Chin would play with two boys who were her neighbours. The playground by their block of flats was their favourite haunt.

That afternoon, while her two friends were playing with ants, Joleen went cycling and was stopped by a stranger.

“When I reached the lift lobby of the block opposite mine, a man asked me to help him. He looked to be in his late teens. He said he was breathless. Could I follow him upstairs?

“I didn’t think much of it. I said okay because I wanted to be a 好公民 (good citizen). In primary school, they teach children to be helpful.”

Joleen was nine years old then.

The last day of her life

The moment they were alone in the lift, things took a dark turn.

“He put his arms around my neck and told me, ‘If you dare to make any sound or struggle, you will not walk out of this place alive.’ He said it a few times.

“I was filled with fear. I was like, ‘Oh no, I have to do what he says.’”

So when the lift door opened on the ninth floor, Joleen did not scream, she did not fight.

Joleen was a cheerful child until the assault.

“I remember thinking: ‘Today might be the last day of my life.’

“So I prayed to God in my heart: If You are real and true, can You give me another chance. I will miss my parents, my brother, my friends if I die. I don’t want to die today.”

For what felt like an eternity, the man sexually assaulted Joleen before forcing her to perform a sex act on him.

“I wanted to bite him and run away. But something stopped me. So I just endured it. Now I know that it was the Holy Spirit.

“When I told the IO (Investigating Officer) later on, they told me I was brave. I could have been more hurt if I had bitten him.”

Then the man made Joleen pinky promise that she would not tell anyone of her ordeal. But when he released her, she ran all the way downstairs to her friends. One of them called his aunt and they reported the crime.

No more joy  

Joleen would later discover that she was not the only victim. The man had molested two other girls before her. She was the youngest and the one he had hurt the most. He was eventually arrested and sentenced to 10 years in prison and eight strokes of the cane. But Joleen would be forever changed.

Joleen at 9 years of age, the year her life was drastically changed.

“I became an introvert. Before I was bubbly and cheerful. But after that, teachers would write in my report card ‘She needs to open up more.’ I didn’t go into depression, but I couldn’t really find joy in anything,” said the 33-year-old.

Joleen’s mother was very supportive after the incident. Her father, who had always been a man of few words, reacted differently.

“He just glanced at me and then looked away. Then he went into his room and slammed the door.

“I felt hurt. I thought: Maybe he thought I was so stupid. For some years, I hated my dad.”

In school, she still had a few close friends. That would soon change as well. Joleen confided in a girl she thought was her best friend. The girl ended up telling nearly the whole class about the attack.

“They started calling me ‘dirty’. Until then, it didn’t even occur to me to feel dirty. After that, I felt very dirty, very stupid.

“I also felt betrayed because I trusted my friend. After she told everyone, I distanced myself from her. I became a lone ranger because who else can I trust? I remember it was very lonely.”

Different teachers, same name

Joleen had been following her mother to church since she was about four. But she “never really had a relationship with the Lord”. Despite her desperate plea to God during the attack, she never talked to Him again after that.

In spite of that, she realised on hindsight that God had always held on to her.

By Primary 6, Joleen had lost all interest in her studies. Her classmates continued to ostracise her. She had nearly given up on herself as well. But her form teacher stood up for her. A week before the PSLE study week, the teacher addressed the whole class about the bullying.

Joleen and the teacher who stood up for her in primary school. Coincidentally, this teacher was also her brother’s form teacher years later.

“As she spoke, tears rolled down her face. I was so touched. I can still recall her expression.”

After the talk, those who had bullied Joleen went to her to apologise and to hug her. She forgave them immediately.

The teacher also gave Joleen a card. In it, she wrote: “I believe that the God you believe in will give you a future. You will be a successful person. Don’t give up.”

“At the back of my mind, I always knew God is real. I just didn’t take Him seriously. Through this, God started to heal me step by step.”

In Secondary 3, Joleen was voted President of her Co-curricular Activity (CCA), Guitar Assemble.

“I felt I was stupid. So I turned down the position.”

To encourage her, her CCA teacher told her: “I believe that the God you believe in will give you strength and a future. You will be successful.”

Her words were almost identical to those her primary school teacher had written. This teacher’s name was also exactly the same as that teacher’s. Joleen is certain this was no coincidence.

“God sent me those teachers. Even though they were non-believers, I believe He used them to sow into my life.

“When my teacher said that to me, my mind opened up. I remembered what my primary school teacher wrote.”

Joleen eventually took up the position of President which became a turning point in her life. Her confidence grew as did her leadership and people skills.

A Father’s love

Even as God began to heal her from her trauma, He also helped Joleen establish a real relationship with Him.

Joleen at 16.

Every year, Joleen would attend youth camp. During one particular worship session at a camp, she had a personal encounter with God. She was about 15 years old.

“I was just so touched and impacted at the worship. I just knew then there was a good Father who loves me. I broke down and cried.”

The assurance of God’s Father love was especially dear to Joleen who, up till then, did not have a good relationship with her own father.

She had been serving in her church’s video ministry since she was 13 because she thought it was “very cool”. After that encounter, she found that she wanted to serve because she loved God.

Joleen (with cake) with friends in the ministry in her church.

At 21, she became a full-time staff in her church where she worked for the next six years because she wanted to give God the best years of her life. As she did, she realised how much the skills she had honed in the time she was President of her CCA  helped her. God was piecing together the various fragments of her life to create a beautiful picture.

“It was a gradual, subtle growth. My faith in Christ grew more and more.”  

Forgiven to forgive

As she dug deeper into God’s Word, questions about her past – “Why me? Why not another person? Why so unfair?” – also faded.

“Verses like ‘He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability’ (1 Corinthians 10:13) made me realise that God’s ways are higher than ours. God would use my life to glorify Him,” Joleen told Salt&Light, flashing a dimpled smile.

Joleen now runs her own company, Wearable Health, that sells clothes made with negative ions that promote good health.

She had always felt that it was God who had spared her life and given her “another chance”. Now that conviction grew stronger, leading her to treasure her life more.

“When people meet me, they don’t believe that such a thing happened to me. To God be the glory. This is evidence of the goodness of God.

“But it doesn’t mean that once you are Christian, everything is strawberries and sunrise, that all is good. I just know He won’t let us suffer for nothing.”

By the time she was past her teens, Joleen realised she had been set free from her past.

“When I saw the block where it happened, I used to feel trauma. Gradually, I realised it was not something that caught my attention anymore.

“Now when someone mentions ‘r*pe’, I don’t feel any sadness. The healing was so gradual, I didn’t even realise it.”

She has no issues interacting with men and had even been in a long-term relationship. Her best friend is a man. In fact, she hopes to meet the man who r*ped her.

“I want to meet him and tell him, ‘No hard feelings. I am a new person. I am already set free.’

“I know that God has forgiven me so many times. If God can forgive and love us despite whatever we do, then everybody deserves a second chance. Why shouldn’t I forgive him?

“I hope he will be touched by this and come to know Christ and God will use him to minister to other offenders, tell them that the person he r*ped forgave him because of the love of Christ.”

Joleen with her family. She now understands that her father may not have known how to support her after the assault.

In 2018, Joleen released the last bit of bitterness. She wrote a letter to her father telling him how she felt.

“I’m not the sort to cry easily but as I wrote, I cried.”

That healed the rift between them. Today, father and daughter have grown close and often chat easily with each other. As for that letter, Joleen’s mother told her that her father still has it with him.  

“If everyone’s life was plain sailing and perfect, where would all the testimonies come from? Your pain is not forever. There is hope in the name of Jesus.”

Joleen’s testimony first appeared in 还好吗hhm.sg.

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