When Edmund Smith was conceived in 1969, his parents were convinced he would be a girl.

“After three sons, they desperately wanted a daughter. So they spoke femininity to the womb, calling me their ‘little girl’ and ‘little princess’ all through the pregnancy,” the 54-year-old Malaysian of Eurasian heritage said.

On September 1, 1970, Edmund was born – to his parents’ dismay.

His father rejected the young boy and showed no affection toward him, but was fatherly and loving toward Edmund’s female cousins.

“And then, my sister arrived. There I was, watching my father love and raise my sister, yearning for that same love to be shown to me,” he remembered.

Pining for affection, four-year-old Edmund developed a desire to be a girl. Thinking it was a phase, his mother accepted his choice and allowed him to wear dresses and believe he was a girl.

“It was the beginning of my social transition to a transgender girl,” Edmund said.

Seeking love in the wrong places

When Edmund began primary school, life became confusing. 

At school, he had to dress like a boy. At home, he acted and dressed like a girl. 

“I was softer, more feminine, and so I was bullied in school. After my sister was born, my mother tried to force me to be a boy again and when I refused, she began abusing me verbally and eventually, physically,” he recalled.

He grew up lonely and wrestled with suicidal thoughts until he learned about gender reassignment surgery at 13. This gave him a new motivation and goal in life: save up enough for a sex-change operation in Thailand when he turned 21.

During this time, when he was just 13, he started sleeping with other men. “I’m not saying this proudly, but I have been involved with hundreds of men. I was looking for love, but the world did not have love to give me,” he said.

It was not an easy season; he became a sex worker for a while to raise money for his surgery. At 19 years old, he was raped.

“If I did not have the hand of God upon my life, I would be dead,” he said.

The Aunty Jenny who loved him

At 18 years old, Edmund met his first boyfriend, who was also the first bisexual man he had been with.

“As a trans woman, I would attract straight men who treated me as if I were female; they found any masculine elements of me unattractive. But suddenly, Stephen (not his real name) found even my masculine parts attractive,” he said.

At four years old, Edmund began his social transition to a transgender girl. He became sexually active at 13 years old and slept with hundreds of men, but never found the love he craved.

More confident in his masculinity, Edmund changed his mind about going ahead with the sex-change operation and began socially transitioning from a trans woman to a gay man.

After high school, he taught music at a kindergarten and, at 21, began working at a Christian school for children with special needs in Malacca.

“At Hopehaven, they accepted me as I was. They loved and favoured me,” he said, adding that they sent him to college for three years so he could obtain his teaching qualifications.

It was also at Hopehaven that Edmund met Aunty Jenny, an older widow who became a mother figure to him. She loved him unconditionally, prayed for him regularly and became his confidante, Edmund recalled.

“We had a mother-and-son dynamic. Trust was the foundation of our relationship. At that point, I did not have a great relationship with my biological mother. But God is gracious to meet us where we are, and he sent Aunty Jenny,” he recounted.

“In Aunty Jenny, I saw everything I lacked – love, peace, and joy.”

When Edmund discovered that his boyfriend had been unfaithful, he turned to Aunty Jenny for support, consolation and counsel.

“She said, ‘Why are you wasting your time seeking love from these men? There’s only one Man you need: Jesus. I have a relationship with Him. You need Him too.'”

Edmund trusted Aunty Jenny with his life because he knew how much she loved him. So, with nothing else to hold on to but her words, Edmund prayed with her to accept Jesus into his life.

Under her loving and gentle guidance, he repented, began reading the Bible, attending church and prayer meetings, and seeking God.

“When I came to know Christ, I felt His presence deeply. For the first time, I knew I wasn’t a mistake. I didn’t need to be anyone else. I was forgiven. I was loved,” he said.

With this newfound knowledge and acceptance, Edmund chose to leave his homosexual lifestyle behind, although he still found himself attracted to men.

An unconventional partnership

During Edmund’s time at Hopehaven, he met fellow teacher Amanda and the pair quickly became “besties”. At the time, Amanda identified as asexual, having been sexually abused as a child. 

As their friendship grew, Amanda developed feelings for Edmund. However, he only had deep platonic feelings for her: “It was love, just not a conventional, romantic sort of love.”

But that would soon change.

Around the time Edmund gave his life to Jesus, Amanda also accepted Christ after being discipled by a Christian friend. As they bonded over their newfound faith and served in church together, their relationship evolved from best friends to romantic partners.

Their relationship helped Edmund realise that he struggled to desire a closeness to any woman as he had been abused by his mother as a child for his transgender identity.

“The biggest person God used to help me overcome this issue was Amanda,” he said. “When God resolves our issues, he does it step by step. Amanda was truly my best friend. We would have died for each other. But at the time, I misunderstood what was going on in my soul because of my barrier issue.”

Through the years, God used Amanda’s love and presence in Edmund’s life to support his journey of recovery and enable him to open himself up fully to a woman.

On December 28, 1996, Edmund and Amanda got married.

Edmund and Amanda got married in 1996. They were not sexually attracted to each other at the time, but loved one another deeply.

They knew that theirs was not a conventional marriage: “We got married because we wanted to live together, deeply loved each other and knew we would not get married to anyone else,” said Edmund.

“But we weren’t sexually attracted to each other at all,” he divulged. “This isn’t something we would recommend to anyone, but it’s what we did.”

Grasping God’s design for their sexuality

After their wedding, the couple enrolled in a Bible college in Singapore. Here, they were introduced to a ministry for the sexually broken called Choices Ministry.

Over time, Edmund and Amanda individually experienced a transformation in their sexual orientation as God brought healing into their lives.

Set free from self-blame for the sexual abuse she had suffered, Amanda began to love herself and grew to see sex in the light of God’s good design and purposes.

Edmund, on the other hand, began to realise that “God had not made a mistake when making me” and learnt to forgive his mother for what she had done to him as a child. 

“I also had to allow God to send godly, good men to be my fathers, brothers and sons. That helped me so much,” he added with emotion.

Now partners for life in Christ, Edmund and Amanda celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary in 2021.

As Edmund and Amanda began to grasp God’s design for their sexuality, they developed a sexual attraction to each other. Now in their 29th year of marriage with two children aged 20 and 19, they remain deeply committed to each other.

“God used her to change my life, and He used me to change hers,” Edmund said with a grin.

Walking with those struggling sexually

Today, the pair are pastors who lead Real Love Ministry (RLM), which serves those struggling with their sexual identities, as well as the Deaf community.

One of RLM’s core programs, the Victory Meeting (VMeet), is a one-year training course designed to equip “befrienders” to support those struggling with their sexuality on their recovery journeys.

“We are a gentle ministry for sexually broken people, those who willingly acknowledge their desire to change. For those who do not, whom we call sexually different, we cannot force them into a journey of recovery. It simply doesn’t work,” Rev Edmund said.

The Smiths lead Real Love Ministry, a gentle ministry serving those struggling with their sexuality and the Deaf community.

Their approach focuses on two key areas: Fostering an intimate relationship with God the Creator, and addressing unresolved issues in three critical areas of the self, relationships with others of the same gender, and relationships with those of the opposite gender.

Rev Edmund is careful to clarify that recovery, which can take anywhere from three years to a decade or even more, does not mean achieving perfection. Instead, it involves learning to set boundaries and develop a strong sense of self-control to manage tendencies and resist temptation, he said.

One common mistake is when Christians try to force change upon others, he noted.

“If they’re not ready for change, nothing will work. In that season of waiting, our role is to pray for them, walk alongside them, and be prepared to answer their questions,” he said. “Most importantly, we must love them.”

Redeemed for a purpose

Rev Edmund and Pastor Amanda also pastor a church, RLM Fellowship, which they describe as “a family church for everyone”. Its members are encouraged to become Befrienders to the marginalised.

However, running their church and ministry is far from easy.

Rev Edmund, who has received death threats, revealed that criticism comes from both within and outside the Christian circle, but rarely from the LGBTQ community themselves who often just want to live their lives without fear or discrimination.

“The far-right conservative Christians often think we are pro-LGBTQ because we hang out with their community, and the pro-LGBTQ community thinks I am anti-LGBTQ just because I’m an ex-LGBTQ,” he said matter-of-factly.

However, he explained simply: “We are LGBTQ-friendly; I will be your friend and love you. We are simply ex-LGBTQ individuals who believe that change is possible, and importantly, that change is better through Jesus Christ.”

“I thank God for my 20 years of brokenness,” says Rev Edmund. Today, he and Pastor Amanda are parents to two grown children.

The couple boldly share their story to testify to the relentless, unchanging love of God.

“Jesus changed my life. I’m so in love with Him. He is a God I know and have experienced for myself,” Rev Edmund said joyfully.

“When we allowed God to meet us where we are, He took our hands and led us to where we are today. We know that no one knows us better than God, and that with Christ, all things are possible.”

From a once broken boy who thought he was a mistake, to a leader and pastor, Rev Edmund is now determined to finish his race well.

“I’m completely transformed from who I was before. I thank God for my 20 years of brokenness, and today I would not want to do anything else. I was born for this.”

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