Thomas Lee was so devastated when his wife of 36 years died of cancer in 2020 that he spiralled into depression.

During this period of grief and loneliness, Robert Frost’s poem, “Stopping by woods on a snowy evening” spoke deeply to him:

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep.”

To clear his head and emotions, Thomas would take long walks at night by himself. He would start walking at Changi Jetty where his late wife Rachel’s ashes were laid and continue all the way down along the coast to Katong Park.

Thomas celebrating Rachel’s birthday in 2005 after her recovery from Stage 4 nose cancer.

“Along this long, lonely road, you only pass by one lamp post after another and they cast long shadows that gradually disappear. I had miles to go before I slept, and I took naps at pavilions along the way if I was tired. Yet I still had many promises to keep to others and responsibilities on my shoulders,” Thomas, now 66, described to Salt&Light. He is a retired construction and project manager, as well as a Christian lay preacher.

Jasmine Tan had lost her second husband – Brian, a British interior designer – in 2019. He was in his 80s and died after a fall. She married him when she was about 40. Her first marriage in her early 20s ended in divorce.

“We travelled a lot for work and were exposed to different worldviews, but religion was never a part of our lives. After his death, I had questions about the afterlife and was seeking for something more,” said Jasmine, 66, a former lawyer, now culinary author and tourist guide.

Jasmine guiding tours in Katong.

A media interview or date? 

In 2023, something improbable happened. A friend of Thomas’ from St Andrew’s Secondary School, who was also a Facebook friend of Jasmine but had not met her in person before, decided to connect the two of them.

Thomas with his St Andrew’s Secondary school cohort mates at Jasmine’s home later on. Their friend Clifford Tan (second from left) was the one who connected both of them.

“I have a culinary author friend who wants to find out more about your charity. Would you like to meet her?” his friend texted Thomas.  

Thomas said yes, thinking that this “culinary author friend” wanted to interview him about his charity Water For Living, which installs water filters in Batam to provide villagers access to clean and potable water.

The reality was, Jasmine was keen to find out more about his charity because she was looking for ways to give back. She also did not mind meeting someone else whose spouse had died.

On May 31, 2023, the pair met for dinner at Din Tai Fung at Plaza Singapura.

Though she was almost an hour late for dinner due to work, both of them hit it off and sat in the restaurant until it closed.

“Romance was never on my mind. But I found Jasmine to be a wonderful storyteller. She was a page-turner, not a head-turner, I told her much later on,” said Thomas.

Jasmine was also captivated by Thomas.

“Usually for men who are our age, they are past their career prime and so they like to rehash their past glories. That’s so boring,” she told Salt&Light.

“Thomas was different. He spoke about his charity and his plans for the future in using it to serve others. He is also clearly intelligent but not in a showy way,” Jasmine added.

After their dinner, the gentlemanly Thomas sent Jasmine back home by walking her to her doorstep from the MRT station.

Thomas has two sons, now aged 33 and 38, while Jasmine has three children from the previous two marriages, aged 25, 40 and 42.

After that first dinner, Jasmine invited Thomas to join her and her friends for a zi char (homestyle Chinese food) meal. He had previously complained to her that he could not find a decent egg fried rice anywhere.

A birthday outing involving innards and durians 

For their third meeting, Thomas took the initiative to invite her out for a meal to celebrate her birthday ahead of time, as he was going to be in Batam for his charity work on her birthday.

“Suddenly, I got a text from him. It’s been a long, long time since someone of the opposite sex wanted to take me out for a birthday dinner,” said Jasmine.

This date, unfortunately, did not go so smoothly.

It took them half an hour to locate each other at Outram Park MRT station. When they finally reached the restaurant, it was closed. So, Thomas suggested a nearby popular porridge place instead.

“He ordered some innards which I found too gritty so I didn’t enjoy it. I wanted to go have durians but he said it was a bit late and he needed to return home to pack for Batam,” Jasmine related

As they crossed a small street after dinner, Thomas spontaneously reached out to hold Jasmine’s hand. It shocked her.

“It was quite narrow and I didn’t want her to slip,” he explained.

“It was also to test the water. If she pulls away, no chance. If she tightens her grip, got chance,” he admitted. She did not tighten her grip but did not let go either.

In the end, they went for durians.

Having durians and desserts at 99 Old Trees Durian.

On the way home, he took the opportunity to broach an issue that was important to him.

“If we want to take this friendship to another level, we need to share the same faith,” he told her.

Thomas and Jasmine taking a walk in nature.

From their first meeting, Thomas knew that Jasmine was agnostic. He was ordained as a bi-vocational pastor at Trinity Christian Centre (TCC) in 2006, serving as a lay preacher to its Mandarin congregation.

He had been serving in various ministries in TCC since 1980.

“The difference in our faith did not trouble me because I meet people with different faiths all the time and I share my faith freely with them. But of course, I needed to be clear that we cannot enter into a relationship if we did not share the same beliefs,” Thomas clarified.

Jasmine was unperturbed and nonchalant about it.

“We were just getting to know each other at that time. I didn’t think much about it,” she said.

Thomas left for Batam the next day, to do charity work as well as preach at churches there.

Water For Living: How it began, how it drew them together

In 2022, Thomas was invited to preach at a slum church when he noticed a five storey-high rubbish dump near it.

Thomas preaching in the slum church that was nestled in a mountain of rubbish in August 2022.

“It was drizzling and there were families with their children rummaging in the rubbish dump for glass, metals and plastics to sell.

“When they found something that looked like food, they ate it and shoved it into the mouths of their pot-bellied kids. Once you see something like that, you can’t unsee it,” said Thomas, who subsequently returned to Singapore and began to research on the needs of the slum dwellers.

The mountain of rubbish in Southeast Batam that Thomas was not able to ‘unsee’.

Realising that they really needed clean and safe drinking water, he started Water For Living in 2023. To date, the charity has installed 41 water filters in Batam and Sumba. 

Thomas with the locals at a water filter system installation at Tunas Primary School in 2024.

Fast forward to 2023, after their third date: While Thomas was in Batam, Jasmine had updates on his activities as she had joined the WhatsApp group of his charity. She viewed videos posted by others in the group of Thomas preaching and singing in church.

“He looked quite ‘uncle’ but he had a lovely singing voice,” noted Jasmine.

Thomas preaching in a church in the mountains of Sumba, Indonesia.

Though he was kept busy in Batam, Thomas continued to feel a deep ache of loneliness. He thought of Jasmine and sent her the Robert Frost poem that had resonated with him.

Thomas prayed to God: “God, is Jasmine the one for me?”

He did not hear an immediate answer.

However, when they met after he was back, Jasmine unexpectedly asked him: “Will you take me to church?”

Since her late husband’s death, her heart was already open to seeking spirituality. She had seen  how Thomas’ faith shaped him and was curious to find out more.

“I thought it was nothing short of a miracle. I did not even have to ask her; she asked me instead,” admitted Thomas.

He brought her to services at St Matthew’s Church.

Encountering God with her head and heart 

As Jasmine sat through the services, she asked him and other church leaders many questions.

“She was very perceptive and her questions showed her desire to grow in the faith. That gave me assurance and I felt I would be able to lead her spiritually, just like how Abraham led Sarah,” said Thomas.

When a Reverend from the church sat her down and personally spoke to her, the realisation that God was never far from her overwhelmed her.

“My mum was a Christian and I went to a convent school. My late husband Brian was Anglican, though we didn’t really go to church. Later, I got to know a very loving Christian friend who fostered a baby that I temporarily helped to look after. She encouraged us to go to church and supported me after Brian’s death,” she told Salt&Light.

“At that moment, I just cried. I realised God had never left me. He was always there for me,” said Jasmine, who accepted Christ that day. Both her head and her heart were now convinced of His Lordship.

The couple, however, had more convincing to do when it came to their children.

When Thomas told his two sons about Jasmine on Father’s Day in 2023, they were shocked.

“They asked me if I was doing missionary dating. I clarified with them that that was not my intention at all. As we were getting to know each other better, Jasmine could choose to step away anytime,” said Thomas.

The once assertive Jasmine, who used to practice as a divorce lawyer, said there was no way that she would believe in a God just because of another human.

“Faith and belief in God goes beyond the human realm. I may not have had the same timeline of faith if I had not met Thomas but I would not take such a step just for him,” said Jasmine.

Her own three children had a different set of questions when they learnt that the couple had plans to marry.

“Companionship is totally fine but they felt marriage is not necessary, even if he was to live with me,” said Jasmine, who knew the importance of marriage as a believer.

“I could only lead by example and show them my stance by the choices I make,” she added. She decided to be baptised in October 2023.

Jasmine’s baptism at St Matthew’s Church.

The couple’s wedding invitation resembled a silver PAssion card.

Thomas respected her by having a “no hands under clothes” rule until they were married.

“We wanted to honour God in our marriage. Though we have been married before and fires (physical desires) were burning, we wanted to stay pure before God,” said Thomas in all frankness.

Six months after they met, they wed at St Matthew’s Church, witnessed by 500 family members and friends.

The couple on their wedding day.

The couple sharing a kiss at their wedding service.

Rising trend of silver marriages 

Their marriage is part of a small but growing trend of later-life unions, or “silver marriages”.

In 2023, there were 136 marriages in Singapore where the groom and bride were both 60 years and older. Most of these seniors were divorcees, followed by those widowed, then those marrying for the first time.

In 2000, there were just 15 of such marriages.

The couple cutting their wedding cake.

When asked if they ever felt guilty towards their late spouses, both Thomas and Jasmine said no.

In the past, Thomas had discussed with his late wife Rachel the possibility of outliving the other.

“She decided she wouldn’t remarry, but she gave me her blessing to. Our wedding vows were ‘till death do us part’. We both understood that our physical earthly relationship is only for when we are here on earth, and once one partner has passed away, that relationship is severed,” he said.

Jasmine also feels at peace to move on, though she continues to treasure memories of Brian.

Making marriage work 

Their mutual faith in God helps this couple to love each other better and endeavour to make the marriage work.

“It’s been a rollercoaster. We have had sweet moments but also moments of tension because I fly off the handle easily,” Thomas admitted. “I am working on changing myself and we have 3am talks to realign ourselves.”

Despite being older and more set in their ways, both have learnt to give in to each other.

Thomas, who moved into Jasmine’s home after marriage, does not sleep on the bed but on the floor. Jasmine compromised by getting a Japanese tatami mat though she still cannot get used to the “rustling and smell of grass”.

He is a fan person while she sleeps with air-con. Now, they cool the bedroom with air-con first and then sleep with the fan.

The couple during their dating days. Thomas loves orchids and grows them at Jasmine’s house.

Interestingly, Jasmine has unique strengths that enable her to be a practical help-mate in his ministry work.

Jasmine helping Thomas’ with his charity work in Batam.

“With her, I don’t need the Google Translate function,” said Thomas.

Jasmine is proficient in Bahasa Indonesia and has been helping him communicate with his partners and beneficiaries in Batam. She also understands Chinese dialects and guides him whenever she senses that his sermon messages are not being interpreted accurately over the pulpit.

The couple plans to expand the work of Water For Living in response to the needs in other countries such as Timor Leste, Sabah and Papua New Guinea.

“We want to be used by God to bless others. Others have suggested that we have every right to retire and travel and enjoy ourselves at this age, but we know that life is so temporal and there’s work to be done,” said Jasmine.

She tells Salt&Light that she has experienced God’s answers to her prayers revolving around her health and family.

First Christmas as a couple in December 2023.

For Thomas, the sudden appearance and inclusion of Jasmine in his life is another reminder of God’s hand of providence and provision in his life.

“All my life, I have seen how God has met all my needs: Providing milk powder for my babies when I was a poor, young father, and pulling me through five heart bypasses. What I see in my life is an expression of the God in whom I placed my faith.”

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