It’s time to have uncomfortable conversations in the Church. Let’s start with porn

by Gracia Chiang // April 11, 2025, 12:41 pm

When churches create a culture of safety for topics such as porn to be addressed, this can bring hope and healing to those who are struggling. Photo from Depositphotos.com.

Unlike alcohol or drug consumption, pornography use often flies under the radar. Yet this silent killer has the potential to destroy everything from marriages to ministries.

More soberingly, it is a problem that is not just affecting the congregation but also the clergy – even Pastors are struggling.

At the first of Salt&Light‘s Uncomfortable Conversations series, ministry leaders came together to hear how porn use is affecting the Church and to explore how this issue can be dealt with.

Titled The Church and the Porn Pandemic, the event was held on March 27, 2025 at Hope @ New Tech Park.

Showing how prevalent porn use is in the Church, Jeffrey Pang, a counsellor at Indigo & Co., shared from case studies in Singapore and data from the US, touching on how technology and accessibility are fuelling the rise.

The growing problem of porn

Jeffrey referenced figures from US author and apologist Josh McDowell, who has also been studying the issue of porn in recent years. It is estimated that there are close to three billion pornographic web pages today.

Presenting findings from Barna’s new report Beyond the Porn Phenomenon that was released in late 2024 in partnership with Pure Desire Ministries, Jeffrey highlighted how porn use has grown over the years.

Compared to figures from Barna’s first study of porn use, The Porn Phenomenon, the percentage of American adults watching porn has climbed from 55% in 2015 to 61% to 2023.

It is also not just a problem among men. In fact, there was an uptick among women, with the number of those consuming porn increasing from 39% to 44%.

“We don’t have Singapore statistics for this, but based on anecdotal evidence, I don’t think we’re very far off,” surmised Jeffrey.

Christians are not immune to this trend.

According to the Barna study, over half (54%) of practising Christians are viewing porn with some level of frequency, including 22% who view it weekly or daily.

Surprisingly, there was only a 4% point difference between non-practising Christians and practising Christians who are consuming porn.

Though the percentages are higher for non-Christians and non-practising Christians, the reality is that more than half of practising Christians still have a history of viewing porn. Source: Barna

Quoting from Nick Stumbo, the Executive Director of Pure Desire Ministries who was responding to the findings, Jeffrey said: “But what may be more troubling is that well over half of Christians who use porn say they are comfortable with their porn use.”

This begs the question about messaging.

“We have to think about teaching and education. Why is it not getting through?” he asked.

“82% of Christians say ‘no one’ (is helping them in their struggle with porn).”

Despite the addictive nature of porn, many Christians are also ill-equipped to tackle it.

Still referencing Stumbo, Jeffrey said: “The reality for those who struggle in the Church is that they, too, often feel like they are alone.

‘When asked, ‘Who is helping you with your struggle with pornography,’ a staggering 82% of Christians say ‘no one’.”

Indeed, the Barna study found that just 10% of Christians and churched adults in the US say their church has programmes to help those struggling with pornography.

However, more than half (58%) say it is important to them that their church is addressing topics such as pornography.

Porn use among Pastors

The study also shone the light on an issue that is rarely talked about.

Two out of three US Pastors (67%) admit they are struggling or have struggled with porn, with almost one in five (18%) saying this is a current struggle.

Looking at figures from Barna’s first study, it is clear that more Pastors now have struggled with porn at some point in their lives compared to 2015. Source: Barna

When drilled down to age, the study also shows that Pastors under 45 years old are more likely to say they are currently struggling with porn (26% vs 16% of those 45 years and older).

For Pastors aged 45 and up, 38% say that they have never struggled with pornography, compared to 17% of younger Pastors.

Many Pastors are quietly struggling with their own porn use. Source: Barna

What is also concerning is that most Pastors with a history of porn use admit that their church is in the dark about their habit.

“Overall, the data suggests a lack of pastoral openness about struggles with pornography or low urgency to address the topic in general,” concluded Barna.

Why is this a serious issue?

Elaborating on how consuming porn harms individuals, Jeffrey emphasised that, similar to drug addiction, it damages the brain due to the high levels of dopamine (“feel-good” hormone) that the activity produces.

Other negative effects include erectile dysfunction, mental health issues, altering of sexual tastes, tolerance that requires more extreme forms of porn, normalising violence against women and objectification of the human body.

Speaking from real-life examples he has seen in his counselling room, Jeffrey said that he has clients who have conditioned themselves to only get an erection when watching porn.

Since porn is usually viewed in secret, this also leads to other problems, he observed.

“When you isolate yourself, especially when you’re in a religious community, shame and guilt is a big thing … so people who are addicted to porn have more depression, more anxiety.”

Porn is not just a problem that affects men. Photo from Depositphotos.com.

Porn consumption also increases tolerance, causing users to crave for more stimulation.

“They watch voyeurism porn, and after many years it’s not enough to get the same high. They need to act out,” explained Jeffrey.

Objectification is another problem, as regular viewing of porn can result in not seeing others as “a person with value, dignity, worthy of respect”.

“Think about it: If a person watches child pornography from Monday to Saturday… and on Sunday, he shows up for Sunday School, the children are not souls to nurture; the children are sexual objects.”

It’s not just porn users who need help

The effects of porn are also far-reaching, wreaking havoc on relationships and families, said Jeffrey.

Referring to Barna’s 2023 study, he shared that porn use creates unrealistic expectations about real-life intimacy, lowers satisfaction with sexual partners, and builds tension between the person and their romantic partner, among other things.

Porn use threatens marriages, added Jeffrey, citing US statistics that link it to infidelity and divorce.

“There is a group that is suffering in silence – the spouses of people who are watching porn.”

Barna’s latest study also casts the spotlight on “betrayal trauma”.

“Watching pornography may lead to broken trust and emotional trauma within marriages that, if unaddressed, can destroy the bond between spouses and ultimately among the family unit,” said Jeffrey, quoting from the report.

Encouraging church leaders to also look out for others who may also be suffering as a result of porn use, he urged: “We have always been focusing on the people who are watching porn, but we forget that there is a group that is suffering in silence – those are the spouses of people who are watching porn.

“As you think about ministries within your church, you need to think about how we can reach and minister to spouses of people who are watching porn because the betrayal is real, hurtful and painful.”

Fighting the problem collectively

Sharing Indigo & Co.’s take on how the problem of porn can be tackled, Jeffrey introduced the acronym “PURE”.

A slide from Jeffrey’s presentation on how churches can take action. Source: Indigo & Co.

Pray

“We need to pray because it’s spiritual warfare,” he said.

Referring to how the problem is more prevalent among younger people in the Church, Jeffrey added: “These are the future Pastors, missionaries, elders, deacons, leaders … the devil is attacking the Church.”

Understand the issue

It is not just a moral or spiritual problem – there are also biological (neuroscience), social (relationships) and psychological aspects (mental health), said Jeffrey.

For instance, many of his clients have attachment injuries and trauma from their past, often during childhood. Research has also shown that such events can result in compulsive behaviours such as porn addiction¹.

“We need to deal with the problem holistically,” he underscored.

Respond

Observing that a lot of the teaching on sex tends to be prohibitive in nature (“don’t do this, don’t do that”), Jeffrey proposed: “We need to preach about healthy sexuality – that sex is meant to be good and beautiful if done right because God designed it to be beautiful.”

To reach the next generation before they become youths and young adults, he suggests going upstream to train leaders and parents.

“A lot of my clients tell me they don’t feel safe talking about their addiction in church.”

Another recommendation is for churches to start peer-led recovery or accountability groups.

“There is power in groups because porn and sex addiction causes isolation,” explained Jeffrey.

But when individuals come together and share openly about their struggles in a group, this “lowers the shame and guilt” that they feel.

As for more complex cases, churches can refer them to professional sex and porn addiction therapists.

Edify the Body of Christ

“The long-term solution is intentional discipleship,” Jeffrey opined.

Speaking from his own experience, Jeffrey said that being part of a small group of men who are willing to share about their struggles has been very powerful.

He also shared that his church’s three-year life-on-life missional discipleship programme has led to the equipping of many spiritually mature believers who are serving in various ministries.

However, Jeffrey acknowledged that there are many different models of discipleship.

What is important is establishing that “culture of safety”. “A lot of my clients tell me they don’t feel safe talking about their addiction in church,” he noted.

Upcoming initiatives

Wrapping up his presentation, Jeffrey revealed that Indigo & Co. is planning to roll out a number of initiatives that churches can come onboard for.

The local charity already offers individual therapy, but it is intending to start group therapy that will also be led by trained counsellors and therapists.

Aside from talks on the harms of porn that it currently conducts, Indigo & Co. is also looking at how it can train churches for recovery groups.

“Some churches have approached us for help, and we are doing our research to find out what really works,” he mentioned.

As porn users often struggle with shame, guilt and isolation, being part of a recovery group can be a very powerful experience. Photo from Depositphotos.com.

In addition, Indigo & Co. and Lakeside Family Services are partnering with Focus on the Family Singapore to launch a Healthy Sexuality Survey.

Pointing out that the last time a similar study was conducted among the churches was close to a decade ago, Jeffrey said the findings would help them to better understand the problems that communities are facing.

“I think we need to do another survey to measure the pulse … especially post-COVID.”

Churches who are keen to take a health check-up in the area of sexuality and discover practical handles for growth can email [email protected] for more details.

¹ Flores, P.J. (2004), Addiction as an Attachment Disorder; Carruth, B. (2006) Psychological Trauma and Addiction Treatment

Look out for the second article from this event, which will feature excerpts from the Q&A session. This will include practical tips from speakers such as Dr Ng Liang Wei (Lakeside Family Services and Indigo & Co.) and Pastor Too Teh Hsin (Agape Baptist Church).