It was May 2013, and Rev Louis Chai had just returned from a Pastors’ retreat with the Chinese Annual Conference of the Methodist Church in Singapore.

Then the Pastor-in-Charge of Paya Lebar Chinese Methodist Church, he was 51 and in the prime of his life and ministry. He even had plans to pursue a PhD in World Missions at the end of the year.

But on the Friday after the retreat, he suddenly broke out in cold sweat, became breathless and threw up while playing tennis with his second son.

He did not think much of it. But the cause was serious: It was a heart attack.

With a third of his heart blocked, a stent had to be put into his coronary artery to open up the blockage.

Rev Chai and his wife, Alison, thought that was the worst, but it was not.

Rev Chai after his heart attack in 2013.

Two weeks later, Rev Chai suffered a stroke at home.

Alison recalled: “He woke up at 3am to go to the bathroom. I felt him move and told him to walk slowly. Then I fell asleep again.”

When she woke up a little while later, she was surprised to find him still in the bathroom. When she approached him, he slumped to the floor.

She called for an ambulance.

At the hospital, the neurologist explained that a blood clot had likely travelled from Rev Chai’s heart to his brain. He had suffered an intermediate-to-large stroke and the left side of his brain had been badly damaged.

As a result, he lost most of his language abilities and could not even remember his own name.

More than a decade on, Rev Chai and Alison share how they fought through the difficult season that followed.

Devastating losses  

Alison: On the fifth day after his stroke, I walked into his room at Changi General Hospital and saw him talking to a nurse. He pointed at me and told the nurse I was his “friend”.

That was the day I realised he had lost his vocabulary, including basic words like “wife”, “scissors” and “grapes”.

The speech therapist told me that his condition was very serious and warned that it might take 10 years before Louis could tell people what had happened to him. In my heart, I rejected that limitation and chose to trust that our Lord would help him.

And so, we began a two-year journey of intensive speech therapy.

Rev Chai had been the Pastor-in-Charge of Paya Lebar Chinese Methodist Church for over four years when he suffered twin medical crises.

His vocabulary, grammar and knowledge of times tables were mostly gone. For the first 12 months, he could not make a sentence, not even a simple one like, “He is a boy” or “I can sing”.

Louis became very depressed because he felt trapped inside his own mind, unable to express himself. The only thing he could do was read the Bible out loud and make very simple, short prayers. These became his lifeline.

Through reading the Psalms, he began to express his deepest thoughts to the Lord. Bit by bit, he rebuilt the word bank in his mind.

About five months into this journey, at 2am after a short sleep, Louis turned to me and asked me in a broken sentence: “I can’t do anything now. Can I pray to God to take me home?”

My heart broke. I reminded him that our three sons were still young and they needed a father. I told him: “You can still pray for them and their future children.”

He agreed and, right there and then, we held hands and prayed for God to lead us forward.

Healing hurts first

Rev Chai: During those days, I waited and waited. But when I woke up every morning, there was nothing in my mind. No words, no thoughts.

I felt completely trapped. I couldn’t remember much, my limbs were heavy and slow, and I found myself walking slowly like an old man behind my wife.

Taking long walks was how Rev Chai coped with his situation.

Using my limited words, I continued to cry out to the Lord to help me and heal me. I also prayed for the brothers and sisters in our church, that they would be strengthened and rise up for the Lord, rather than be discouraged by my condition.

I asked the Lord to forgive me for the things I had not done right in the past, and for the people I had unintentionally hurt. The Lord poured out His forgiveness on me and I was able to make peace with those who had wronged me, as well as those I had hurt.

Held by His Word

Alison: If you ask me what sustained us through all of this, I would tell you that it was the Word of God and the comfort of the Holy Spirit.

During that first year, I lived in constant fear. Going through his heart attack and then a major stroke just two weeks later left me traumatised. I kept wondering: What terrible thing is going to happen next?

The stress was overwhelming. But in those moments of panic, the Holy Spirit would speak softly to my heart: “Do not fear, for I am with you.” (Isaiah 41:10) He didn’t just say it once or twice. He whispered it to me whenever I was in fear and stressed.

The Lord also spoke to me deeply during my Quiet Time. One morning, I was reading Mark 10:46-52. As I read those words, I clearly heard the Lord ask me: “What do you want me to do for you?”

I was so deeply touched because I realised our Lord had not abandoned us. He knew our pain and He cared. From that day on, I prayed specifically for the recovery of Louis’s speech, his thinking and his physical health.

Surprisingly, from the very first day of his stroke, I never asked God: “Why?”

Many well-meaning people tried to ask “why” on our behalf, searching for answers. But I didn’t ask that question. It wasn’t because my faith was very strong. It was simply because I knew that God was with us, that He knew everything, and that He would watch over us.

Instead, I found myself asking “What?” and “How?” For example, what do I need to do today to help Louis recover? How can I best walk alongside him and keep his spirits up?

The Scripture that anchored my soul, whether I was sitting by his hospital bed or resting anxiously at home, was Romans 8:28.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

The Apostle Paul, who endured immense suffering, chose the words “all things”. He didn’t say “some things”, or “many things”, or even “most things”. He said “all things”.

In other words, everything that happens to us is being orchestrated by God for our ultimate good. Nothing is left to chance. It is all held securely within His sovereignty, even when it is impossible for us to understand. 

The situations may not be good, but God promises to work them for our good.

The good things

Alison: So what were the good things born from this suffering?

For us, it meant more precious time spent with the Lord, our family and close friends. It gave us more experience hearing God’s voice and walking closer to Him.

(Second and third from left) Rev Chai and Alison with their three sons.

Furthermore, the Lord used this sickness to bind Louis and me closer than ever before. He grew our understanding of one another, deepened our love, and allowed us to serve Him and His people as a team.

Rev Chai: In the past, my entire life was focused on doing. I bought into the lie that I had to be outwardly successful in my studies, my career and my service in the church.

But through this long wilderness, I have realised that God cares infinitely more about our being than our doing.

Our value does not come from how much work we can produce for Him. Rather, our true worth is rooted entirely in who we are in Him – we are the beloved children of God, secure in our identity in Christ.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Rev Chai has since retired as a Methodist Pastor, but has recovered sufficiently to continue serving in missions with Alison. Their primary focus now is leading teams to Batam to minister to children in orphanages and to support pregnant women at a local shelter. Rev Chai is also an advisor for One Hope Centre.

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