It is a familiar scene: A family eating out at a mall, Mum on her tablet, Dad on the phone, the kids on their gaming devices. Each engrossed in his own benefit, physically together as a family but not quite being a family.

“The reality is that families can function like that, but that’s the dysfunctionality of family. It is a self-consumer approach even in families, and that’s the reality of family today,” said Rev Raymond Fong, Pastor-in-charge of Wesley Methodist Church.

He was one of the speakers at the plenary session, “Redeeming Family for Culture Transformation” at the recent State of the Family (SOTF) 2025 organised by Focus on the Family Singapore (FOTF).

(Left to right) Moderator Alicia Boo and panellists Dr Jacqueline Chung, Rev Raymond Fong and Ps Debbie Yow at a plenary session at SOFT 2025. Photo courtesy of Focus on the Family Singapore.

The theme of SOTF 2025 was “Missional Families”. With marriage and family coming under pressure, threatening the well-being of future generations and the stability of our nation, the conference sought to explore what families in churches can do. 

Weighing in with Rev Fong was Dr Jacqueline Chung, who looked at how families can live out their faith in a world with opposing values, and redeem and transform culture and the community. Dr Chung is the Senior Director (Leadership Development) of the Anglican Preschool Services and  has served young children, families, educators and leaders in early childhood for 30 years. Rounding up the panel was Ps Debbie Yow of 3:16 Church who heads the children’s ministry at her church, and oversees their justice and mercy outreaches.

Chief of Impact and Principal Counsellor at FOTF, Alicia Boo, moderated.

Here are the key points of their discussion.

Restore the family mission to be a blessing

To redeem the family, we need to understand the theology of family, said Rev Fong.

In Genesis 12, God called Abraham, the father of the faith, to take his family – his wife Sarah and his nephew Lot – out of Haran. As a family, they were called to be a blessing (Genesis 12:2-3). God wants families to be a blessing to others.

Rev Fong encouraged the Church to teach the biblical view of family. Photo courtesy of Focus on the Family Singapore.

“We need to recapture and redeem this theological understanding – this biblical understanding – of the family that we’re called to be, as the family of God, as individual biological families,” said Rev Fong.

“That’s really the first battle that we need to fight. As churches, we need to teach and preach the theology of family again and again and again, and never take for granted that our members actually understand what godly, Christ-centred marriages are.

“If you start with marriage, then when the children come, it’s ingrained into the DNA of the family.”

When Rev Fong conducts marriage preparation with couples, he also asks them one question: “What’s the mission for your marriage?”

“Marriage, for many couples, is about me; it’s companionship,” he noted. “What then does your marriage stand for in the larger framework of the kingdom of God?”

Be missional in marriage  

Next, tend to your marriage. Make it missional.

When couples cease to be missional towards one another, affection in a marriage can die.

“We have many marriages in church like that. And the truth is that when a marriage becomes like that, when temptation comes, (the marriage) is vulnerable. That’s where you have extra-marital affairs. That’s where pornography comes in. That’s why you have marriages being broken,” he said.

Being missional in marriage then is about loving and honouring your partner in every season of life, and making that a habit.

Shape views and values in families from young

To redeem culture, we must start young, Dr Chung encouraged.

“Don’t think ‘When they can understand, then I will talk to them’. Children are watching you all the time, especially when you least expect it.

“The minute they are born, all eyes are on you: Mum and Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Auntie, Uncle. That’s why the family is so critical because that’s how we’re shaping the children’s values, their idea of God, their idea of missions, their idea of how they can be salt and light in this world without us even telling them anything directly.”

All this must be done within the family because “the family is actually God’s original design to raise children”.

Dr Chung pointed out that sowing into children’s lives from young will not go to waste. She and her husband, a retired pastor, have a daughter who walked away from the faith in her teens.

“You soak your kids in the Word and you think they’re going to walk straight, and when they walk somewhere else, you go, ‘What happened?’”

Dr Chung shared about her and her husband’s journey imparting faith to her daughter. Photo courtesy of Dr Jacqueline Chung.

But when her daughter was in university, “God got hold of her”. Although she stayed away from Christianity for a decade, she later gave 10 years of her adult life to serve Him in the mission field.

“This is my word for you: What you have deposited, you have to trust God that even when it doesn’t look like it, the plant is growing. Keep going, don’t despair. Different plants have different germination periods under the soil.”  

Model change behaviour

Ps Debbie shared how her family models Christian love and service beyond the church.

“It may be counter-cultural because we generally look at our immediate family first. But it came to a point in time in our parenting where we realised and felt that our family cannot just be about us, because if God has called us to be a blessing, then we must go out there.”

So she, her husband Ps Norman Ng and their three children purposed to involve other children and families in their weekend activities – those from single parent families, children in families where their parents are struggling to manage their care, others from complicated family backgrounds.

Ps Debbie (left) and Ps Norman (right) with their three children. Photo courtesy of Ps Debbie Yow.

A year ago, they invited a pair of siblings to their family outing to the Singapore Zoo. The children had just lost their father. On the way, all the children were excited to hear the lions roar.

“So we said, ‘Let’s pray and ask God maybe we can actually experience the Lion of Judah in that sense.’”  

At the Singapore Zoo, as their tram approached the lion exhibit, the animals were resolutely silent. But as the tram made a second round, passing the lions again, they began to roar. For an entire minute, the lions roared.

The episode allowed Ps Debbie and Ps Norman to talk about God as a loving Father who knows the desires of His children’s hearts.

“In that moment, we could share with these two young boys that even though their earthly father may not be around anymore, there is a heavenly Father who loves them.

“Even as we spend time with our own families, we can intentionally look for someone else to bring along. If every family does that, then I think you can truly transform and shape community and culture.”

See mission fields in every situation  

Ps Debbie also raises her children to see situations they are placed in as possible mission fields.

“They are put there for a reason by God to impact other children. It’s a mindset shift. When we have that mindset shift, it then permeates into everything and every activity that we do.”

She went on to talk about how her oldest son, Joshua, displayed a keen interest in music at the age of three. So they started him on music lessons. When Joshua was about eight, Ps Norman decided that Joshua should learn to play for worship in church “because God gave him this talent for a reason”.

Joshua was placed under the tutelage of worship leader in the church. After four years, they formed a mini band and penned worship songs. Joshua now serves on the worship team.

During COVID, Joshua organised a recital over Zoom and invited his friends to watch him perform. He then shared the Gospel and some of his friends prayed to receive Jesus as their Lord and Saviour. In 2024, he was part of a team that busked at Orchard Road, singing praise songs to raise funds for 3:16 Church’s special needs ministry.

“It’s about being intentional to see. ‘Why did God put us here?’”

“Then everyday faith is not just reserved for an event that we do, but it emanates from who we are.”

Immerse children in a Christian environment

“Send your children to Christian preschools,” urged Dr Chung.

Children spend a lot of time in school. At Christian preschools, there are daily devotions, weekly chapels and plenty of opportunities for the children to hear about God, experience Him and accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour.

In her time as a principal at St James’ Church Kindergarten for more than 20 years, Dr Chung taught the children about original design and God as creator.  

“This whole issue of identity and purpose, if it is not ingrained early in life, you get very confused later on.”

She also ensured faith was woven into discussions of day-to-day events. For example, when talking about a report of a flood in the Philippines, the children were asked to think about what they could do to help. That led to a suggestion to collect clothes and donations. Soon, the parents were involved.

“What happens in school doesn’t stay in school. That means, the school is now saying to parents, ‘Knock, knock, here’s an opportunity for you to engage in communication with your child about this event, about your values and what you can do as a family.’”

This opens doors for faith conversations and acts of Christian love.

Dr Chung talked about another project called Seeds. Seeds encouraged parents to notice acts of kindness by their children to encourage them to become responsible citizens.

“So the school partners families. We hope that after a while, they will find their life’s purpose in God because they have asked these critical questions since young.”

Another project was From Me to We, an initiative to counter the Me culture. Children were taught to ask: “How about the other person?” Out of that came several practical steps including ways to encourage the cleaning aunties in their midst.

Share faith in winsome ways

1. Leverage the good in culture

“Culture is not necessarily always bad. Draw from what’s beautiful in culture, yet also highlight how it may be contrary to God’s understanding of culture,” said Rev Fong.

Using the pop song APT. by Rosé and Bruno Mars as an example, Rev Fong talked about how the song can be used as a touchpoint with youths because of its popularity. Instead of dismissing it as pop culture, use it to draw out the difference between the culture the song promotes and Christian values.

“You know the part, ‘Don’t you want me like I want you’? Lead them into thinking about self-centredness and momentary pleasure. Is that the kind of friendship that we want?

“That is probably a more winsome way to redeem culture and engage culture as parents, as educators, as pastors, as teachers.”

2. Make it fun

Continuing her story about the pair of siblings she and her family invited to the Singapore Zoo, Ps Debbie said: “That family is now bringing other families to the zoo, to the movies, to dinners and all to just have fun.

“I think fun is a universal language that can be good across the generations. They may not go to church but as Christians we can go to them. As we engage them, we can show them that we’re not just in the church, we are also part of you.”

The mother of the children whom Ps Debbie reached out to is now reaching out to fellow widows and the children are engaging others who have lost a parent. Last Christmas, they organised a party for these families.

Very recently, one of those families returned to church after being absent for a long time. Then another two children came.

“The Lord will be the One to bring them in. We just need to be faithful,” said Ps Debbie.

Dr Chung started a book club for pre-believing parents where Christian books are read. This gave them the opportunity to make friends and hear the Gospel.

She added: “When we share God, the first thing you share is God’s love.”

Missed State of the Family 2025? Catch up on our coverage here. Also look out for our final story, which looks at challenges that marriages in the church are facing based on preliminary findings from Focus on the Family Singapore’s new Connect2 Marriage Assessment tool.

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