Maybeline Tay, 47, met her future husband, Benson Chia, in church when they were both in their early teens. Though they had different temperaments – “I’m extroverted and he’s introverted” – they became fast friends.

“I could talk to him about anything, even things I couldn’t talk about to my girlfriends. He is my best friend,” she said.

“Ben is very authentic, very easy to talk to. He’s very open about his weaknesses and he would talk to me about them.”

Benson and Maybeline in 1999. They would marry the following year.

After about four years, the two became a couple.

“When my older brother first knew that I was dating him, he checked him out,” said Maybeline with a chuckle.

“Later, my brother came to me and said, ‘I didn’t know you were dating a carpenter.’ I said, ‘What are you talking about?’ He said, ‘He’s like Jesus!’”

In Benson, Maybeline found someone who shared her love of classical music and ballet. “He used to say, ‘Maybe when we grow old, I will take you to Russia to the oldest theatre there to attend a ballet performance.’”

They never got to tick that off their bucket list.

Last November, after more than 30 years together, 20 of them as husband and wife, Maybeline lost Benson to nasopharyngeal cancer. He was 49.

The battle against the illness lasted six years. In that time, there were many highs and lows. Yet, as Maybeline shared their family’s journey with Salt&Light, the words she often used to describe that difficult season were: “We were very blessed.”

Shocking diagnosis

It started with a lump on his neck that did not go away even after they saw a doctor. That was in October of 2014.

A few months later, on a flight to Spain for a family holiday, Benson’s hearing was affected. It did not clear even after they landed.

“Ben felt weird,” recalled Maybeline.

They decided to have him checked again upon their return. That was when Benson was diagnosed with nasopharyngeal cancer. Because the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes, it was considered Stage 2.

Right after leaving the doctor’s office, the couple sat in their car to pray together and talk about what to do next.

At his memorial service, Maybeline shared that conversation: “He said to me, ‘Are you alright? I’m so sorry to put you through this.’ He was more concerned about me than his health.”

That was classic Benson, according to Maybeline. He was always very considerate of others. “My parents loved him so much because he was so good to me.”

Their other concern was their children – Anya and Kenan – who were only 11 and nine then. Husband and wife made the decision to be open about Benson’s condition. They had attended a parenting workshop just before this and had worked on a family motto.

(Left to right) Benson, Maybeline, Kenan and Anya. The children were just nine and 11 when Benson was diagnosed with cancer.

“The kids added in all their different thoughts and we came up with this: Whatever it is, we will work together as a family and we will trust God that God will take care of us.

“Because of the family motto, we felt this was something that we would journey together as a family.”

So, the children were told that “Daddy is sick and there is this thing called cancer”. They were also kept in the loop about the treatments. But because of their age, they did not quite grasp the severity of the sickness. Not at first.

Rollercoaster ride 

Right after the diagnosis, Benson quit his Human Resource consultancy job to concentrate on his treatment. For a start, there was radiotherapy every day for a month.

Maybeline was with him for each session. That she could manage that while holding down a full-time job as a school counsellor was by God’s grace, she said.

“My colleagues were a wonderful bunch. My boss just said, ‘Take care of your husband. Work from home.’ My colleagues helped out and supported me greatly.”

They also did not have to worry about finances. After that first year, Benson’s old company sought him out for freelance consultancy jobs. He would continue to work till 2020 when he felt he could no longer contribute to his company though they wanted him to stay on.

“The Lord has always been very good to us,” said Maybeline.

Despite the radiotherapy, the cancer spread to his lungs. Other treatments would follow.

“Chemotherapy was horrible, seeing him go through it, the side effects, his hair dropping. But after each session, Ben would bounce back,” said Maybeline.

Between the treatments were the scans to track the cancer.

“Every time there was a scan, it was a roller coaster trip. There were ups and downs. There were scans that were very positive and there were scans that were not so positive.” 

Benson and Maybeline in 2015, a year after he was diagnosed with cancer. Immunotherapy worked well for Benson at the time and the family was able to enjoy a one-year respite.

The treatments would work. But only for a season. When the chemotherapy stopped being effective, immunotherapy was recommended. “That was really the turning point. It just melted away the cancer cells.”

After four to five rounds, though, they had to stop immunotherapy because Benson developed ulcers in his mouth as a reaction to the treatment. It got so bad that he would bleed from his mouth.

Immunotherapy mixed with chemotherapy came next followed by natural therapy as the positive results of each treatment tapered off with time. In 2020, the cancer which had remained in his lungs spread to his liver.

Through it all, the Chias tried their best to live life as normally as possible. 

“Ben never let his illness stop the kids from doing anything or make anything different. The greatest adjustment was the diet. We started to eat very healthily.

“They were upset for a while and would ask, ‘Why is there not a lot of flavour in the food? Why so much of the steamed stuff?’. But they were quite gung ho about it.”

For a few years, they shouldered on without a domestic helper. Benson chipped in with the children to do housework. Their parents helped to cook meals.

It was only at Maybeline’s insistence that they eventually got help. “I told him, ‘You need to rest with the treatment.’”

Their domestic helper turned out to be another blessing. “She is so fantastic. She took very good care of Ben throughout.”

What if God wants Daddy in heaven?

As the family dealt with the disease, they also had to deal with the doubts.

Said Maybeline: “Sometimes the children would ask, ‘Is there a God? Where is God? Why is God not healing Daddy?’ We would say, ‘We don’t know.’ We were very open.”

“When Kenan was in primary school, he asked, ‘What if God decides that He wants daddy to go to heaven?’

“Ben was very practical. He said, ‘That is very possible, right?’ I said, ‘When that happens, God will take care of us.’”

In his testimony in July 2020, Benson talked about this assurance of the goodness of God: “Certainly it has been a very tough journey Yet I would not have learnt so much about God’s love in my life had my life had been as smooth sailing as before.”

That was the certainty he tried to impart to his children as he journeyed with them through his condition. He would pray with them and do Bible study together. Every night before bed, Kenan would go to his father for their nightly father-son prayers. 

The Chia family in the Maldives in 2017. Benson did Bible study and prayed with his children to the very end.

“They had these prayers right to the very end,” said Maybeline. “Now because of Ben’s condition, Anya wants to be a doctor to do cancer research.”

Though faced with the very possibility of death, the couple held on to the hope of recovery, buoyed by the many times Benson beat the odds.

“Doctors would tell us, ‘This is not going away.’ But the cancer cells would melt away (with treatment).”

But healing did not come.

Asked about their cancer journey and how she is coping with the loss, Maybeline said: “There have been moments when I felt so far away from God. Where is my faith? I don’t know. But God carried me through.

Maybeline and Benson on a family holiday to the Maldives. Husband and wife trusted God for healing but held on to their faith when healing did not happen.

“You know how the verse says, ‘Nothing can separate you from the love of God?’ This is like that. Even if I wanted to run away also cannot, like Jonah. Somehow, I would return to God’s arms. It’s God’s providence.

“The Lord knows us. He just deals with us according to how we can accept things. I am very thankful for that.”

Praying through pain

In their six-year journey, apart from a constant assurance of God’s goodness, they also saw good came in other ways.

In 2015, when medical treatments began to falter, the Chias turned to natural therapy. There, they met two other Christians and, together, they started a support group for cancer patients and their caregivers called Inspired.

The group now has about 80 members who meet monthly to share their journey and pray for each other. Even with the Covid-19 outbreak, Inspired has not missed a beat. They continue to meet online.

In 2017, Benson felt his church needed a similar support group and started Life Fellowship. The monthly meetings welcome people who face health challenges, as well as their caregivers.

Maybeline and Benson in New Zealand in 2017. Out of his cancer journey came two cancer support groups which he helped to start. The groups, Inspired and Life Fellowship, are still going strong.

Apart from the meetings, Benson would send encouraging verses or articles to the chat group they created. In church, he never stopped serving. Throughout his battle with cancer, he continued to be both a deacon and a cell group leader.

Said Maybeline: “Right up to that Thursday when he passed on, that Saturday before, he was still leading cell group study. He was in a lot of pain. The morphine couldn’t take away the pain.

“So, we prayed and the pain became manageable enough for him to lead the Bible study.”

Till the day before he passed away, Benson was still messaging people from Life Fellowship and Inspired to encourage others.

“That is my husband,” said Maybeline.

As the disease progressed, though, Benson would experience increasing pain, particularly at night. To help him, Maybeline would sing hymns with him and pray for him.

“And he would sleep like a baby. That was how good God was to us. Never once did we doubt that God was with us even when He was in a lot of pain.

“By human strength, I would have doubted God many, many times. I don’t think it was me. It was the Lord.”

One day in October last year, just before his birthday, the pain came more intensely than ever before. It started at 10 in the night and, despite prayers, did not abate.

“We prayed through the night until I fell asleep at 3am. When I woke up, he was still in pain.”

Maybeline wanted to admit her husband to the hospital but did not trust herself to drive him. “Don’t know why we didn’t call the ambulance,” she said.

Instead, she called her sister-in-law, Benson’s sister, who tried to get in touch with a church friend on the Board of Assisi Hospice. In the process, their pastor got to know about Benson’s condition and insisted on visiting them.

That day, Maybeline’s mother also decided to visit. It was a Monday and she did not usually go to their house on Mondays. 

When their pastor arrived, he had a Chinese song book with him.

Anya, Kenan, Maybeline and Benson in Germany in 2018. Benson’s illness opened the door for Maybeline’s mother to meet their pastor. She eventually gave her life to Christ.

“Benson’s command of Chinese is zero. Why did Pastor even bring a Chinese song book?

“He said that he remembered Ben had talked about a Chinese song before and he wanted to sing the song to him.”

When the pastor sang, it was Maybeline’s mother who was touched instead.

“After Pastor prayed for Ben, he turned to mum and asked, ‘Do you want to trust in the Lord?’ My mum said, ‘Yes’”

The reply surprised Maybeline. She had been praying for her mother to become a Christian since she was 13. When the children came along, they, too, prayed.

“The children would go up to her and say, ‘Popo I have been praying for you since I was two’.

“I thought she was just being nice to the pastor. I was very sceptical. But when Pastor prayed the sinner’s prayer, she kept saying, ‘Yes, yes.’”

Maybeline was so surprised that after the visit, she called her sister to ask why their mother had turned up at her house that day.

“My sister told me that mum had woken up with the sudden urge to come and see me. It was God’s grace.”

As it turned out, Benson had the number of a church friend to contact when he was in too much pain. There was actually no need to approach his sister.

But because they did, their pastor got to know about their situation. Because of that, he visited them. Because of his visit, Maybeline’s mother got the chance to receive Christ.

“It was the Lord who held us throughout. There were ups and downs but the Lord always saw us through because of His providence.

“God showed how real He is and how much He loved us. All this suffering is not meaningless.”

Is the Lord very beautiful?

Even in the way Benson passed on, Maybeline saw God’s grace and His goodness.

“I used to tell Ben, ‘If you receive a memo from God that you are supposed to leave us, please let me know.’ The two of us pray very openly about it.”

That morning, Maybeline was by his side caring for him.

“It was about 6am and I could tell he was leaving us. My heart sank. I asked him, ‘Ben, do you want to go with the Lord?’ and he said, ‘Yes.’”

He called his children one by one into the room and said farewell to them individually.

“Ben held on to Kenan and said, ‘Daddy is leaving you and I know you will be okay,’ Then he called Anya and told her not to study too hard because she was in one of those high-flying JCs and Ben was quite worried for her.”

Benson had the time to say good-bye to the rest of his family, one by one.

“I was still asking Ben, ‘Is the Lord still with you? How does the Lord look like?’ He smiled. He didn’t tell me.

“I asked, ‘Is the Lord very beautiful?’ and he said, ‘Yes.’ At 12, he left us with a smile.”

After Benson’s passing, their son Kenan went to Maybeline to confess, “He told me, ‘There were days in my life when I doubted God’s presence. But when I see how daddy left us, I know God is real.

Kenan, Anya and Benson celebrating Father’s Day in 2020.

“That is really a blessing for me as a Christian parent. What else can I ask for?”

The family would discover later that Benson’s faith did not just touch them, it had touched many others as well.

Going through his handphone messages, Maybeline found that her husband had been busy encouraging people even as he himself fought illness and pain.

“Even people who are well, he was encouraging them. I didn’t know all these things. I didn’t know my husband was doing so much.

“Ben was always a low-profile person. He just does all these things quietly. He doesn’t make a big deal of things but he is very considerate.”

The love he sowed into the lives of those he touched has come back to bless his family. The women from the Inspired support group have rallied around Maybeline and the children.

Less than a month after he passed away, they took the family out to celebrate the couple’s wedding anniversary on December 16.

“Don’t know how they know. Ben must have told them. It was very kind of them. Christmas, Chinese New Year, they also came bearing gifts and prayed for us.

“I am so blessed.”

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