“I am a son,” he says.

“I am a Psalm,” I hear. It is apt.

We are at the launch of Yeo Whee Jim’s book of poems, Itinerary, in the Old Arts House. The capacious room in the historic building is packed with over 200 well wishers, and standing-room-only for latecomers.

Whee Jim, 50, in his wheelchair, can hardly be seen as he reads a bright poem recalling a childhood plucking ang moh dan (rambutans) at his grandmother’s home in Ang Sar Lee (Serangoon Gardens).

I am a son, a father and now an unlikely poet, he modestly describes himself to his audience of former colleagues, classmates from as far back as secondary school, friends old and acquaintances new.

He is also a Christian. And every mention of his faith, no matter how light, is poignant for one reason – Whee Jim is a striking Psalm in his frank grief, tragic loss and, most of all, his unshakable hope.

Growing up in Ang Sar Lee

Whee Jim’s CV is impressive: More than 20 years in the civil service including as Director of the Public Service Commission Secretariat in the Prime Minister’s Office and Institute Director of Governance and Policy at the Civil Service College.

His prowess in strategic planning, public policy issues and human resource development, among other skills, won him the Lien Ying Chow Fellowship 2019 for outstanding senior government officials.

This shining success was hard earned.

His father, the sole breadwinner, was a camera repairman; his mother a housewife.

Together with his brother and parents, young Whee Jim lived with his grandparents in Serangoon Gardens. Teochew aunts and cousins visited often to jiak png (eat rice) around a dining table steaming with assam fish curry and bak kut teh.

It was a modest but lively childhood with “lots of meals and big family gatherings”, recalls Whee Jim. His aunts would sneak money into his pockets and pile him with hand-me-down clothes because “on hindsight, they knew that we were not as well-to-do as the others”.

“There was love shown, not in words, but in food, care and concern,” he recalls.

Still, he was acutely aware that his family “had less than others”.

“Growing up, I was very clear that I didn’t want to be poor,” he tells Salt&Light. “There was no resentment. But I wanted to be able to afford things and adventures like my cousins.”

So he threw himself down the only Singaporean route he knew: Excelling in his studies in Raffles Institution, receiving a scholarship to study Mechanical Engineering in Osaka University, earning a Master’s in Business Administration from the BI Norwegian School of Management, and landing plum government jobs.

He admits his driving force was fear: “Fear of not being able to do well, fear of failing, fear of not being able to keep up. This fear led to competitiveness.”

With multiple material achievements in his back pocket, it seemed like he was in control of life, happiness, success.

Until he was not.

Faith and loss

While in Japan to pursue an undergraduate scholarship in Mechanical Engineering, Whee Jim met his future wife, Hui Lok Yan, in a Tokyo language school. Lok Yan was from Hong Kong and her reflective nature and adventurous spirit matched his own.

He was studying in Osaka University while she was in Tokyo University, and they bonded over the demands of university.

When they decided to get married eight years later, Lok Yan made the choice to relocate to Singapore, where Whee Jim’s career was thriving and where they could care for his ageing parents.

Whee Jim, Lok Yan and their daughter, Min, had six precious years together as a family before Lok Yan passed away from cancer.

It was Lok Yan, a Christian, who introduced Whee Jim to church. Enveloped by the warm church community and tutored by the pulpit, he began to comprehend the biblical foundation that gave his wife the stability and strength that described her character.

Together with their baby daughter, the young couple enjoyed a comfortable life with all the enthusiasm of young parenthood.

But in 2007 when their daughter turned one, the course of family life took an unexpected turn.

Lok Yan was still in her early 30s when she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer.

Precious memories in Maldives.

“On days when she didn’t have chemo and was rested, she was pretty normal,” remembers Whee Jim.

“We had happy days as a small family unit. She wanted to go to Maldives; we went twice. We visited Hong Kong more regularly and spent time in Singapore just going out together as a family, raising our daughter.

“So at least we had those happy years together.”

Min was seven when Lok Yan passed away.

The diagnosis

As the young family sought to regain their footing, Whee Jim threw himself into work.

Retiring from civil service in 2020, he launched his own corporate training consultancy in 2021 in the midst of COVID. By late 2021, he had clinched a major deal with the Bhutanese government. The Omani and Vietnamese governments followed suit.

Father-daughter adventures when Whee Jim became a single parent.

“I found my niche and was having the time of my life,” says Whee Jim. “I could turn around tasks quickly – update my website, do the accounts, write the report, do the Powerpoint slides, and still have a life. My strengths were all developed in this role. It felt almost effortless.

“I was physically, emotionally and spiritually in a good place. My daughter was growing up and she looked like she was doing alright. We travelled together – when she was in Sec 1, we went to Kruger in South Africa and Botswana. Because she liked snowboarding, we went on a Japan ‘pilgrimage’ with her aunts.

“I went to the gym twice a day, did my swimming and walking, and still managed to serve in church in the children’s ministry and design the church newsletter. I remember thinking: Life feels close to perfect.”

Whee Jim (in sunglasses) working with the Bhutanese government.

But the euphoria would not last.

Towards the end of 2022, he experienced inexplicable muscle twitching and loss of control. Instead of building strength at the gym, he found himself handling less weight. In the pool, where he used to do 60 laps non-stop in under an hour, he could hardly make a lap.

When he was working in Oman, a microphone he was holding suddenly felt heavy. As he was taking food from the buffet table, he lost control of a bowl.

A medical check-up in January 2023 saw the polyclinic referring him to the National Neurological Institute, where he was diagnosed with ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), a disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord.

“My life changed forever.”

When the earth tilted

Whee Jim remembers thinking: “No lah, cannot be lah.”

But more tests and a second opinion confirmed the results. The neurologist pegged his life expectancy at two to five years.

“I was devastated. I was also very angry with God,” remembers Whee Jim. “He gave me a Level 100 kind of challenge. Things appeared to be going well for me – my business was picking up, I was energetic, I felt great, spiritually I thought I was in a good place.

“It just showed later on how weak my faith was.”

Now, two years after his diagnosis, Whee Jim needs physical help to lift a cup, go to the toilet, bathe and get up from his wheelchair. In bed, he needs a non-invasive ventilator.

“It is easier to count the limited things that I can do,” he says wryly.

Where once he used to serve fancy refreshments in church – Japanese chicken curry on a biscuit garnished with parsley (as a student he’d worked part-time at a Tokyo bakery) – he is now unable to navigate the kitchen. Where once he trained high-level government officials, he is now unable to project his voice. Where once he was a Scripture reader in church, he can no longer hold a Bible nor flip its pages.

“It has been a humbling journey of reframing, rethinking and re-prioritising,” he says frankly.

Making every day count

But, unexpectedly, the illness has ushered Whee Jim into a new ministry of encouraging others.

In the past year, he has written multiple columns for The Straits Times and CNA raising awareness for ALS and reflecting on legacy and mortality. He has even published two books – Itinerary (a book of original poems to raise funds for the Motor Neurone Disease Association Singapore) and Moving (a collection of his photographs and reflections to raise funds for The Business Times Budding Artists Fund).

Reading poems from his book, Itinerary, at the Singapore Poetry Festival 2024.

“God has been good. This has been a season of a lot of sharing and speaking engagements in churches, Alpha and CBD fellowship groups. Just last week my church asked me to share my thoughts about receiving pastoral care. I also managed to do a set of caregiver materials which I passed to my Assisi  Hospice counsellor, who said it was useful.

“I’m constantly amazed by how God has worked to make all these happen, the people he sends.

“I believe coincidence is God’s way of staying anonymous. A friend used my photos of Singapore and through her own connections used it to raise $15,000 for vulnerable and needy families.

“Another friend said, ‘Why don’t you write a book of poems?’ I looked at him, ‘You seow ah? I can’t even grip a pen or type!’ But he encouraged me to write about my spirituality because he knew that that was important to me. He took my five loaves and two fish and made Itinerary what it is.

“At the same time, I also think this last phase of life shouldn’t be driven by accomplishments. That would be missing the whole point. I try not to think of these projects as accomplishments, but more as milestones.”

A keener clarity of legacy saw him destroying his certificates, plaques and letters of appointment – accomplishments he once chased – because “even when I was able-bodied I cannot remember the last time people asked me to show them my certificates. What did all these accomplishments amount to?”

Instead of chasing accomplishments, he now builds relationships.

“I used to think of myself as an extreme introvert. Now it’s conversations, meet-ups with old friends and new ones who have reached out, chats that I have – these are what still give me joy and make life meaningful. 

“Receiving has become the norm whereas in the past I was very paiseh. I’ve never been so vulnerable in my entire life. It’s very humbling. If I were to total up what people have done for me in the two years since my diagnosis, it’s unbelievable.”

Longtime close friends took Whee Jim to Bali in 2023 a few weeks before he needed to use a wheelchair.

Fellow brothers- and sisters-in-Christ who continue to journey with the family.

This includes neighbours who drive him to church, an ex-boss who spoon-fed him, long-time close friends who took him to Bali, and friends who visit regularly.

The giving goes both ways.

“One of the unexpected ways in which I’m giving back is allowing myself to be vulnerable. To talk about my own fears, my own failings, my struggles. I think that has created a space for friends who come and visit to come into that space and share their own brokenness.

“It’s an important process of healing, and of knowing that you’re not alone in your struggles. We are all broken and struggling in our own ways. Listening to each other brings comfort. I pray I’ll continue to facilitate bridges.” 

Praying for a miracle, trusting in God

“One of my former colleagues painted a calligraphy on Lamentations 3:21-22: His steadfast love never ceases, his mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning.

“I have it next to my bed and that’s the verse I wake up to. It’s also the verse my Christian medical social worker gave me – it is my spiritual manna, my daily portion.”

He admits: “It encourages but it also hits hard.

“I wake up and say, ‘Okay! I’m ready for my miraculous healing! Is this the day? No, it’s not the day.”

Neighbours who look out for Whee Jim and take him to church.

So how does this square with Lamentations 3:21-22?

“I do struggle, sometimes slipping into self-pity. So when I share, it’s not about painting a positive picture. There are all these struggles that I have, the whole gamut of emotions.

“But yet, every single morning, I’m blessed to have a caregiver who is very sensitive to my needs, and not only that, she’s very sensitive to my emotions. She encourages me with a bright smile. She comes in with a song. She goes, ‘Hello, boss, good morning, how are you?’ And then I think to myself, ‘Is this not Lamentations 3:21 to 23?’

“One of my church pastors from Ang Mo Kio Presbyterian Church, Lee Wen Cong, reminded me – especially in my earlier phase of diagnosis – to not make this disease, my trials and tribulations, about myself, but to move God into the centre of focus.

“One verse that really resonates with me and depicts my struggles is Hebrews 11:1: ‘Faith is confidence in what we hope for and the assurance in what we cannot see.'”

He underscores this in an interview with Impact magazine: “I’ve learnt the incredible power of choice: The choice to move ahead, the choice to trust God to sort things out for me, the choice to accept the gift of unmerited grace. I’ve learnt that when I choose to lean on God to support me, I can deal with anything in life.” 

The one important message

If there’s one thing Whee Jim hopes to convey in all his sharing, it’s this: Mai tu liao (don’t hesitate).

“We always think we have one more decade, one more year to write that book, seek closure in a frayed relationship, return to church.

“Until two years ago, I thought I had lots of time left – this can be for another day. 

“But this season has reminded me that things can change really quickly, and not everyone has the luxury of a tomorrow, next week, next month, five years down the road. I’m five years away from my CPF withdrawal age. But five years is very, very far for me, and I’m probably not going to reach that unless God decides otherwise.

“So if anyone is thinking, ‘Should I do this? Should I do that?’ Perhaps one could do with less thinking and more action, because you never know when your time is up.

“And if you’re wondering: Is God for real? Mai tu liao. Find out for yourself.”

Itinerary can be bought at https://bit.ly/43WlfIO and Kinokuniya at $30 (before GST). Nett proceeds from the sales will be donated to the Motor Neurone Disease Association Singapore.

Moving: Yeo Whee Jim’s Photographs and Reflections can be bought here at $88. Proceeds go towards The Business Times Budding Artists Fund.

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