Once, in a gang fight, someone slashed his head so badly that he nearly died.

“I lost so much blood. The doctor said that if I had seen him just 10 to 15 minutes later, you wouldn’t see me anymore.

“I was supposed to die in that gang fight.”

It would be some years before John Emmanuel, 38, realised that it was God who had saved him.

“When I think of all these things, I know God is not done with me yet lah.”

But back then, he was a recalcitrant gangster who used to reduce his mother to tears with his lifestyle.

“The moment I am out of the house on weekends, she would go to the room to pray. She was afraid I would come home with bloodstains or the hospital will call, or the police will call.

“Every weekend, she would be afraid because sometimes I go out on Friday and come back only on Sunday. Sometimes, I don’t even come home.

Being part of a gang gave John the acceptance and protection he sought.

“My parents brought us up in a godly way. They have always been faithful Christians.”

But that did not stop John from joining a gang when he was 17.

“All my friends in the neighbourhood were in gangs. I was the only one who didn’t drink, didn’t smoke. I didn’t want to be the odd one out. 

“At the back of my mind, I knew certain things did not please God. But I did it for a sense of belonging.”

The teen who used to be bullied in school suddenly found that he was untouchable.

“Once it is known that you joined a gang, the guys don’t want to mess around with you or the gang will come after them.

“It turned into respect. So it kind of solved my problem … in a bad way.”

A slippery slope

The solidarity that John enjoyed with his gang came at a price. He was expected to “solve everyone’s problems”, which amounted to getting into numerous gang fights.

John grew up with a firm father, a warm and nurturing mother, and two siblings – a brother seven years older and a brother two years younger.

Naturally, smoking, drinking and even drugs became part of his lifestyle, although he “never got hooked on drugs”.

“My parents didn’t know I was in a gang for a couple of years. That’s why it is called ‘secret society’.”

They did discover his smoking habit quite early on because the smell of smoke was hard to conceal.

“My father scolded me and took out the Bible. 

“He had grief seeing his son doing all these things.”

John with his parents who prayed for him without ceasing during his years of wandering.

But John was already 17. There was no stopping him. He would “become even more rebellious”, moving on to alcohol and becoming a runner for loan sharks.

His interest in his studies flagged and he failed his N-levels as a private student.

At 18, he was sent to prison for the first time for attempted house-breaking.

Meeting more gang members while he was in the army normalised gang membership.

After five months in remand, John enlisted in the army to serve his National Service. That only made things worse because in the army, he met more people who belonged to gangs.

“I felt like I belonged.”

A double life

While all this was going on, John was still regularly serving in the worship team of his church.

“I was rostered to play the keyboard, the guitar. Committed everywhere lah, committed to gangs, to the church roster. I would go there drunk after going clubbing. 

“I really didn’t know God then, didn’t have a relationship with Him. At the time, I was under the impression that God forgives all your sins whatever you do. So why not?”

John served in the worship ministry of his church even while he was living the gang life.

He would be in and out of prison another four more times over the next 10 years, all for gang-related activities.

The last sentence was the worst. He was detained indefinitely for being a member of an unlawful society and for participating in gang activities. That meant that he did not know how long his sentence would be.

A large part of John’s adult life was spent either behind bars or in a gang.

“Every time I was caught, I was remorseful but not repentant. After that, I was back to my old ways again.”

It was only during his last arrest that his pastor, Reverend Samuel Gift Stephen from Life Centre (Smyrna Assembly), found out about his double life.

“I have a very forgiving pastor. He never gave up on me. He kept telling me, ‘Only God can change your life. You have to come back to church.’”

The Voice that called

As it turned out, God would change John, not in a church sanctuary, but in a prison cell.

The year he was detained indefinitely – 2014 – was the year he was to be married to a girl he had met in church. Preparations were underway for a year-end wedding.

“I was very frustrated, very resentful. You won’t be indefinitely detained unless your friends, your own gang members, played you out.

“Those whom we call brothers, to whom you say ‘I’ll die for you’, were the ones who ratted me out. The gang life is such.”

With nothing to do, John would pace up and down in his cell, stewing over the injustices he felt had been dealt him. At times, he raged at God.

“I told Him, “If You are God, You bring me out of this place. I can come out any time. You get me out. I need to get married. My girlfriend is waiting for me.’”

One day, as he was pacing within the confines of his cell, resentful and demanding, he felt a strong impression.

“I felt a voice telling me, ‘Kneel down and ask God for forgiveness.’ I felt that God was not interested in taking me out of prison but more interested in transforming my life.”

“Gangsters don’t cry”

For days, he resisted. But the prompting to seek God’s forgiveness became so powerful that, one night while in a high security cell, John fell to his knees and “heeded the voice to ask God for forgiveness”.

“I said, ‘Lord, forgive me of all my sins.’

“When you are alone in a cell, you have all the time in the world to think of things. I realised that God was not going to help me if I was going to remain how I was. I wanted God to help me, but I didn’t want to live for Him.

“Something struck me to say, ‘You either live fully in the world or fully for God. You cannot serve two masters. If you repent, then God can work in your life.’”

On his knees with his arms stretched out, John wept aloud.

“I thought: Gangsters don’t cry, real men don’t cry. But the Presence was so strong. It felt like Someone was in the cell, this Person was beside me as I was weeping.

“I felt like Someone putting a hand into my heart and squeezing it.”

The gangster who was unfazed by violent gang fights was eventually brought to his knees by God.

All night long, John wept as scene after scene from his life “played in my mind like it was recorded”. He saw things he had long forgotten.

“From young till that day, how many people I had beaten up, sent them to hospital. How many parents affected by seeing their sons in the hospital all because of me. Countless of people I had beaten up and hurt in the past.

“How I got angry with one of my ex-girlfriends for cheating on me and, because of that, I beat up that girl. I had a very bad temper. How my mum was crying. A lot of thoughts were coming in my mind. I was seeking forgiveness for each of them. I had grieved God.”

When John opened his eyes again, it was morning. 

A changed man

From that day on, he felt a “strong passion for souls”. From prisoners to prison officers, he reckons he has shared the Gospel with over a hundred people during the time he was indefinitely detained.   

“The desire, it was only God. There was a lot of opposition. They asked me, ‘Why you so fervent in the Lord? If there is a God, why are you here?’

“And I tell them, ‘It is for you.’”

John renounced his gang ties, convicted that “this is not the life God wants me to live, this is not what I was created for”. 

“They say, ‘John you become pastor already, ah?’ The moment you mention the name Jesus, they won’t be around you. But Jesus was also hated without reason (John 15:25).”

His prayers started to change. From demanding that God release him from prison, John began asking Him for forgiveness.

“I saw how great a sinner I am. The kind of person only God can come down and change.”

He went back to the books and took his ‘O’ then ‘A’ level exams.

A year after his encounter with God, a fellow inmate asked him: “You don’t speak vulgarity, is it? Since the day you entered this cell till today, I have never heard you speak one word of vulgarity.’”

It was then that John realised that since his release from isolation where he had spent the night repenting, he had not sworn at all.

“It used to be normal for me to speak vulgarities in every sentence. After that night, the first thing God dealt with was my mouth. I can’t be cursing and blessing at the same time.”

So when, after four years in prison, his fiancé told him that she could no longer wait indefinitely for him, John was not angry.

“I had prayed, ‘If  You are the one who touched my life, let Your will be done. Even my relationship. Not just for my best but also her best.’

“If I prayed this prayer, I cannot get angry with her.”

Free at last

Five years in, John was released and placed on police supervision for another three years. He returned to his church, then enrolled in Bible school and worked as a Grab driver.

John (right) graduating from Bible school with a diploma.

“Grab is a very good platform to share the Gospel. I shared with whoever came into my car.”

He now works at Teen Challenge Singapore, volunteers with Prison Fellowship Singapore (PFS) and is pursuing a Bachelor’s degree at Bible school.

He is also married to a woman he met in church. They welcomed a baby early this year.

John is now happily married and a father of one.

John Emmanuel at the Asia Theological Center, where Margaret Seaward was his mentor and teacher.

When John had his God encounter in prison, he had told his parents about the experience. They had been cautiously happy.

“Saying ‘I’m sorry’ behind that transparent glass was a normal thing.”

After his release, they realised his repentance and transformation were genuine.

John (standing, in red) with the Shackles Free Ministry, a fellowship for ex-offenders under Teen Challenge.

“The very day I came out, I hugged them and said, ‘Forgive me.’

“My mother and my dad cried. I also cried.

“They knew their prayers were answered.”

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