As Christians, we want to obey and follow God. But what does that look like?

Firstly, we encounter a myriad of decisions: What should I give priority to in the midst of all the clamour? What work should I do in this season?

Am I called to marriage or singlehood? Am I called to give my undivided attention to love God and give myself to His mission?

Am I called to raise funds? Where should I sow my talents? Should I say yes to filling the needs in that ministry, given my capabilities?

How many meals should I have with my family this week? How do I decide whether to attend this gathering or that, given that I have limited social energy?

How do I know whether something is taking too much of my time and energy, or that I am not giving enough attention to my role?

Is my preoccupation with this hobby or that matter becoming a hindrance to living fully? Should I stay or is it time to leave?

We are often told that we should “pray and seek God” for answers. But how and what do we pray?

We are also told that God’s way is not a single, charted, narrow path. But how do we include God in the difficult, and sometimes lonely, process of decision making? How do we become discerning people?

3 considerations in decision making

1. Discernment comes through honestly attending to the circumstances, pains and invitations in our lives

On rare occasions, we get a word in season or a clear direction from the Lord.

But on most occasions, discernment comes through paying attention to what God is highlighting in our daily life. We gain insight into God’s leading by taking a long, loving look at what is real in our lives, in both the ups and downs.

Practising the Prayer of Examen and crafting a Rule of Life will help us cultivate this contemplative posture to life.

Ruth Haley Barton defines a Rule of Life as “a way of ordering our life around values, practices and relationships that keep us open and available to God for the work of spiritual transformation that only God can bring about”.

What is God’s invitation to me today? How do I live all of my life before the face of God – not just on Sundays and not just doing “spiritual” activities – but in every moment, including my sleeping and my waking, my chores and my play, my prayer and my relationships?

What is shaping my heart, my mind, my love?

Most importantly, are my daily decisions shaping who I am called by God to become?

2. Discernment is only possible when there is inner freedom to pursue the worthy end

What are the factors that hinder us from being truly free to hear God and follow His leading?

What are some of our preferences and biases that skew our process of discerning God’s will?

Ignatius of Loyola prayed: “Lord, grant me indifference to all created things, so that I do not desire health more than sickness, riches more than poverty, honour more than dishonour, a long life more than a short one; but rather choose what leads me closer to You.”

As long as we have a preference for health over falling sick, or having financial security over risky living, these biases cloud our ability to hear God’s leading. To listen, we need to first silence the noise of our hearts.

But are we prepared to hear what He has to say to us?

“We become victims to busyness, popularity, deception and self-centredness if we are unfamiliar with our own story. Why? Because when faced with temptations or poor options, we have no ability to say, ‘This is not me, I won’t do that, this is not my story.’ If we don’t understand our own story, we will go with anything that appears to work and bring ‘success.’” (Viv Thomas)

Have your goals and pursuits in life changed since you became a Christian? Or are your dreams still shaped by what society says success looks like, with Christianity becoming your ally to succeed in that narrative?

Your narrative governs your decisions. Have you traded in your worldly narrative for that hidden treasure in the field (Matthew 13:44)?

3. The intention of discernment is to abide in God’s love and respond in loving obedience to His invitations

I sometimes hear people say: “I wish I knew what specifically God wants me to do, and I’ll just do it.”

The assumption is that God’s chief concern is that we do the right thing.

But what if God is more interested in our relationship with Him, and who we are becoming as we make decisions with Him?

I used to liken discerning God’s will to following GPS. I often turn on Google Maps even when I know the way because I am afraid I’ll take a wrong turn and I want to take the fastest route without being stuck in a traffic jam. My bias here is speed and ease. But are those God’s values? Do we have the same intent? Is God bringing us on “unnecessary detours” (in our opinion), like the endearing boyfriend who takes the long route when sending his girlfriend home? Does God want to show us something along the way?

God’s chief end is having a people who are one with Him.

Discernment doesn’t guarantee efficiency. Neither is discernment a foolproof approach to life. In fact, I have just emerged from a disappointing season, even though I intentionally went through a period of prayer and discernment before making that decision.

I learnt that “it seems foolish to say no to this opportunity” was not a reason I should have included in my “why yes” list.

It was coming from a place of fear of missing out on a good opportunity to be involved in God’s work. But I should have given greater weightage to the overarching invitation from God in that season.

In His wisdom and mercy, God undoubtedly still redeemed the situation and helped me to exit. But that short time did detract from my growing deeper roots into the ground God was inviting me to till.

In this process, though, I learnt a lot more on discernment. And sweet is the fruit of abiding.

In making decisions with God, we grow in love with Him through both good and poor decisions. 

“Your desire for more of God than you have right now, your longing for love, your need for deeper levels of spiritual transformation than you have experienced so far is the truest thing about you. You might think that your woundedness or your sinfulness is the truest thing about you, or that your giftedness or your personality type or your job title or your identity as husband or wife, mother or father, somehow defines you.

“But, in reality, it is your desire for God and your capacity to reach for more of God than you have right now that is the deepest essence of who you are.” (Ruth Haley Barton)

If you are interested in joining the Biblical Graduate School of Theology (BGST) course on “Discerning Your Life: Finding your Purpose in Life”, conducted by Melanie Lim and Anthony Siow, you can register here.