When his daughter Faith was 17, she developed a high fever. While waiting to see a doctor, she suffered a seizure and had to be rushed to the hospital.

Wong Eng Hai, 56, was at the office having a business meeting when his wife told him about the incident.

“With the drip, her condition stabilised. My wife was with her and I knew that she was in the good hands of the doctor.

“But I felt I needed to be there with them and for them.”

Eng Hai made the decision to leave the meeting.

“I wouldn’t say it was a hard decision to make. Fatherhood is a balancing act. We all face demands and pressures on various fronts.”

Faith is now 25 and, over the years, Eng Hai has found fatherhood to be a great “life teacher”. 

“When faced with situations where I have to choose between fatherhood duties and work or other commitments, I find that the clearer I am about my values and my life priorities, the clearer I am about the choice I have to make.” 

For him, that has meant doing away with the “less essential”, such as soccer matches and golf games, which he enjoys in order to spend more time with Faith during her formative years. He has also learnt to do what is important for his daughter according to her season of life.

“In her younger days, it was playing with her and entertaining her. In her school years, it was about providing her with an environment conducive to learning.

“Now that she is in her young adult years, it is about being there for her when she needs me.”

To empower fathers to be more confident in their roles as dads through every stage of their children’s life and to grow with them, Focus on the Family Singapore (FOTF) has created a digital resource this Father’s Day.

Bravely go where fathers should

From June 9 to 19, Call of Daddy: Braveheart includes activities, short-form videos and lighthearted comics to help fathers bravely build stronger connections with their children.

That there is room to grow into their fathering roles, and that more needs to be done to equip dads so they can feel more competent, is clear.

In a 2022 Focus Singapore survey of over 260 fathers, nearly 40% rated themselves 6 and below when asked how well they felt they were playing their fathering role.

Braveheart Quest consists of five quests: Back in Time, New Grounds, Heart of the Earth, Undercover and Across the Horizon.

Included in the quests are conversation starters for fathers to use as they chat with their children to get to know them better.

There are suggestions as well for father-child bonding activities such as running an errand together, doing a household chore and developing a bedtime routine that involves a conversation before tucking the child into bed.

There are even ideas for activities that father and child can plan together like camping, cooking and creating a coupon book.

Dads need a village, too

In the same 2022 survey, nearly three-quarters of dads had a dad-friend to confide in when it comes to parenting struggles. Some 79% of them also found it very comfortable, or somewhat comfortable, talking to other dads about the issues they faced as fathers. This clearly debunks the myth that men do not like talking about personal issues. 

That is why Call of Daddy: Braveheart also includes authentic dad stories with an emphasis on how community has aided them through their parenting journey.

Said Lead of Programmes of FOTF Singapore, Chong Ee Jay: “Fathers need all the support they can get and they need to know they are not alone in their struggles.

“When fathers journey with others, they are likely be inspired to persevere and navigate parenthood with ease and confidence.”

For Isaiah Kuan, 49, father of two teenage daughters, the presence of other dads in his life has been invaluable and necessary for his journey of fatherhood.  

“Over the years, we’ve built deep friendships and celebrated triumphs of our parenting journey.

Isaiah Kuan (back, left) with his daughters Jayne and Joey, and (front, left to right) his wife Klessis and mother Grace.

“This brotherhood has shown me the power of solidarity and the importance of open discussions about the things we face and experience, including our emotions.”

One such time was when he was having supper with a group of fathers. They began talking about their daughters.

“One father shared about his struggle when his daughter first introduced her boyfriend to him. He suddenly realised that his daughter had grown up and now wants another man’s love.

“As fathers, we take for granted that our daughters will love us and only us. But that’s not quite true. They will eventually grow up and have their own family where they will embrace another man’s love too.

“Through that conversation, I was encouraged and came to understand that fatherhood is not about ‘grabbing on’ to my daughters but learning to let go when the time is right.”

It also made Isaiah treasure the time he still has with them.

“I want to do more with them, spend more time with them, love them more, show more concern until they are ready to take all these from me to their own family and to their husbands.”

RELATED STORIES:

I wish, on Father’s Day

God’s gift of friends along a cancer-ridden way

5 dads from the Bible who light the way for all dads