After graduating with top honours from film school, Josiah Ng went on to carve a career in media, climbing the ladder to lead film and social content at DDB Group Singapore.

In 2020, the award-winning filmmaker also directed a documentary on celebrity chef André Chiang, which broke box office records in Taiwan and was picked up by Netflix.

And most recently, the 36-year-old’s last job was heading up the video team at Mothership. 

But for the young father of two, much of this came at a cost.

“I saw how my work was consuming me and pulling me away from precious time with my wife and my kid,” said Josiah, looking back at the time when he was in advertising.

This was around seven or eight years ago, after his first son Tyler was born.

“One of the things that was on my heart was to stay home with him. I saw the need for a father to be with his child,” he shared.

However, after discussions with his wife, church leaders and boss, it seemed clear that it was not the right time.

Recognised for his videos that created awareness on social issues, Josiah was the youth category winner at the Singapore Silent Heroes Awards in 2016.

“On the practical level, we couldn’t afford me staying home,” said Josiah.

As the couple was also staying with their parents then, there was help from family that they could rely on.

However, with the prompting still there, the couple decided to start saving — a wise decision that eventually made it possible for Josiah to take the big leap in April 2023. 

“I got promoted and had a lot more clients, and I had different kinds of things going on in my life, so much so that I couldn’t be present for my children,” recalled Josiah.

By then, they also had another son, Jonas.

As his responsibilities got heavier, Josiah found himself putting in a lot of overtime hours and being torn between work and parenting.

“When I say present, I don’t just mean physically present. Even when I was there, I realised that I wasn’t there mentally and emotionally,” said Josiah.

“My son would be sharing something that happened in school, and I would be nodding and saying ‘oh yah yah’. And when my wife asked me questions, I would just say ‘yes’, but I wasn’t listening.”

Around that time, Josiah and his wife, Tricia, 35, noticed that their firstborn was having a lot of emotional outbursts too. 

“We were also told that he might have learning disabilities,” he recounted.

With primary school just around the corner, the couple started seriously considering having one parent to be around more.

Crediting his wife for being the more present parent in their sons’ early years, Josiah said that she was the one who would hold the fort. Photo by Janelle Ho.

As they talked about their aspirations, it became apparent that his wife’s job would require her to travel in the future. 

Challenging the notion that mothers should be the ones to stay home, Josiah asked: “Why does it always have to be the lady that has to sacrifice her career? My wife is equally talented or more talented when it comes to being effective in the workplace.” 

Perceiving how things seemed to be aligning, Josiah singled out one sermon in church that really spoke to him.

Pastor Andre Tan of The City was preaching on The Intentional Father, and the call to fathers to teach their children about the faith (Deuteronomy 6:7-9) stirred something in Josiah’s heart.

“A lot of us parents have very good plans in making sure our children succeed. We send them for tuition, sports and swimming lessons, and we buy them assessment books,” he observed.

“But we don’t always remember that we also have the responsibility to develop them spiritually.”

Realising that he had always given the excuse of work for not being more intentional at home, Josiah resolved to change this.

Other confirmations came, such as when their domestic helper wanted an early release from her contract to return home to take care of her father. 

After taking time to pray and seek godly counsel, Josiah decided to leave his full-time job to become a stay-home dad last year.

From bright lights to laundry

Acknowledging that the “sudden change in pace” was startling, Josiah described what the transition was like in the early days.

“Suddenly I didn’t have a lot of people texting me, asking me for approvals,” he said, amused at how he kept going back to his phone to check his inbox.

“Then I caught myself: Why was I refreshing my mail app? I wasn’t expecting any emails. But it was just so instinctive.”

While he did not struggle with his masculinity as a stay-home father, Josiah disclosed that there were other heart issues that he wrestled with.

Used to being a high-achiever at work, Josiah realised that he had inadvertently carried over some unhealthy attitudes into the home.

While Josiah (centre) did not do that well in secondary school, he found a lot of success with filmmaking when he entered polytechnic.

Highlighting that he would be alone with the kids most of the time, he joked: “You don’t expect the kids to give you a thumbs up or a pat on the back for making their breakfast.

“So I would intentionally be texting my wife and saying, ‘Oh, I washed the toilet’ or ‘Oh, I did this today’. 

“Not by way of updates, but I was doing it for the purpose of trying to gain approval compared to actually just loving the house and making sure that everything is in place.”

That drive for perfection and approval soon wore him out – and ironically took him away from his original goal of being more present with his kids.

“I would make sure that everything is spotless, so that when my wife comes home she would tell me, ‘Good job, you did this well today,'” he said with a laugh. 

“Because that’s how we’ve been programmed in society – to seek approval from your boss in that sense.”

Opening up about other lessons that God has been teaching him, Josiah relates an incident that revealed his tendency of always trying to be busy.

“I thought that I had more time now, so I could schedule catch-ups and finally read my book right? So once I send the kids to school, I would try my best to finish the housework,” he said.

“I had a whole timetable planned out, and I would fill my schedule with meet-ups, errands and tasks.”

An encounter with chickens in his neighbourhood taught Josiah a lesson on availability.

But one day when he was walking his younger son to the childcare centre, Jonas spotted chickens around the estate and wanted to go and look at them.

Concerned that he might be late for his next appointment, Josiah thought to himself: “Oh, but I have this person that I’m going to meet later on, then I still have something that I have to wash later…

“So I basically told him, ‘Aiyah, it’s just chickens. Okay, say bye bye chicken,’ and then I just walked away. The more I walked away, the louder he grew, and then he started wailing.”

Reflecting on this episode when he was doing his Quiet Time, Josiah realised that he had reverted to his habit of overpacking his schedule.

Since then, he uses this litmus test whenever he makes plans.

“I try my best to ask myself, ‘Will I be able to afford ‘chicken time’ with my son?’ That’s a good reminder for me,” said Josiah.

“God, am I doing something that delights you?”

Having been a stay-home father for one-and-a-half years, Josiah’s reply to those who ask him about his journey is simply one word – pilgrimage.

Though it has not been easy, this season has led to a much closer walk with the Lord.

“There are moments of mundane and ordinariness that you have to deal with,” said Josiah, adding that his thoughts would sometimes wander to what his friends or former colleagues are doing.

Josiah is learning that he can still connect with God in the midst of the ordinary, such as while taking a walk with his sons.

Other times, caring for his sons can feel like “a thankless job”.

“When you do everything – you make dinner, put a star on top – then they just say they’re not hungry and they don’t want to eat,” said Josiah.

“But I’ve learnt to rely on the Lord and not on my emotions, to go back to a zone of, ‘God, am I doing something that delights you?’

“(I’ve learnt to) constantly check back with God the Father, to seek His approval instead of my wife’s approval.”

In fact, it was during one of those mundane moments – doing laundry – when he had a very intimate encounter with the Lord last year.

One day while folding clothes, Josiah felt a nudging from the Holy Spirit to worship.

Thinking that perhaps it was just a way of passing time, little did he know that the more he started humming, the greater his sense of urgency to praise God grew.

Likening it to a mountain-top experience that one might feel at a conference after responding to an altar call, Josiah exclaimed: “I felt that ‘mountain high’ when I was folding clothes. And until this day, I cannot explain why.

“After meditating on it, I realised that God was showing me that I could praise Him – He is still there, He is as powerful – even in the most ordinary moments.”

Laundry never ends, but even the most mundane tasks can be filled with teachable moments.

Pointing out how it was interesting that this nudge to turn to God came during laundry time, Josiah quipped: “Laundry is always the one that gets to me.”

Revealing how there were moments when he would equate how the fast the laundry was done to how well he was doing in his role, God would always remind him that his self-worth and security was not in the things that he did or did not manage to do.

In those times, it felt like God was asking him: “So what if the laundry is not being folded? Can you recognise that I still love you?” 

“It’s interesting because I thought that I would stay home so that I would be able to parent my kids better,” he summarised.

“But I realised that I’m being parented, I’m being taught a lot by God in my different moments as well.”

Confessing that there was a period before becoming a stay-home dad when he felt far from God, Josiah said: “I would still say, ‘I’m a Christian’, but I just wasn’t intentional with my relationship with God.

“My prayers were more transactional than relational. I would only pray when I needed something.”

Welling up with emotion, Josiah shared: “My journey kind of started with my pastor asking the congregation about being an intentional father. Maybe there’s something to be said about being an intentional son of God as well.”

“I just had to take one or two steps, and I saw the Father just running towards me,” he said, referring to the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32).

Being an intentional son (and father)

These days, being an intentional son of God for Josiah looks like setting aside time every morning to read the Bible.

While he would have previously considered solitude with God a “waste of time”, Josiah has come to learn how valuable these moments are.

“The love that I feel and recognise from God is something that I want my children to have as well,” he emphasised, elaborating how this has shaped his parenting.

Afternoons are reserved for Tyler who is in Primary 2, with Josiah using that time for devotions to discuss more about God and life, among other things.

Observing that his older son seems to be sharing a lot more in their conversations, Josiah said: “He processes a lot of things with me right now.

“I’m glad that I’m at a point where I can be able to know who his friends are, what his fears and desires are, what is it about his friend that he likes or he doesn’t like.”

Bouldering – one of the father-son activities that Josiah has engaged with Tyler in.

“It’s almost like learning a new language that constantly evolves,” he commented.

“These days (my wife and I) call it being fluent in our son. And it always changes – you think you’ve gotten the rules of communication, but things change again.”

Being more present at home has also given Josiah more time to coach Tyler through his emotions. 

“I would speak to my son and give an update to my wife, and my wife would also speak to my son,” he shared.

This constant learning and processing as husband and wife has strengthened their relationship, said Josiah, underscoring that this has helped them to be on the same page to deal with issues together.

In the past, “we would sweep it under the carpet a little bit more” he admitted, simply because there would be little time to address it.

Becoming more “fluent” in his younger son Jonas has also helped Josiah to be a more confident parent.

As for his younger son, Jonas is “entering that phase where he’s exploring his strength”, discerned Josiah.

Reflecting on how he has changed the way he carries out discipline, Josiah said: “I’m more secure now to say ‘no’ and tell him why it’s a ‘no’… Last time I might even say ‘yes’ because I want him out of my hair.”

Reasoning that holding a boundary is more difficult than giving in, he added: “When he just wants that candy, it’s at night already and I’m like, ‘I need to send this email. What can I do to make you stop crying?’

“But now it’s saying ‘no’ to him, sitting there with him even though maybe he’s throwing a tantrum because I said ‘no.’ Then you just have to deal with it and be there with him while he cries.”

When faced with challenging moments, Josiah has also learnt to depend on God more.

“When I was very busy at work, I would be relying a lot on my own strength, smarts and intelligence. But now, I can’t. I really have no choice but to rely on God,” he remarked.

“It’s like, ‘Okay, my son just said this, or my son just asked this, how do I respond, Holy Spirit?'”

Thriving in the ordinary

Another thing that Josiah is thankful for in this season is having a community to grow alongside.

Having connected with fellow stay-home father Cliff Tam when he was contemplating making the move, Josiah was heartened to hear that Cliff was planning to start a group for dads like him to come together.

Created for stay-home fathers to find support, the community would be open to all dads who are primary caregivers to their kids, regardless of their faith. 

“It so happened to be during the moment when I first entered this role. Again I felt very blessed because everything seemed to be falling into place,” he remembered.

When Josiah later learnt about the name that Cliff had chosen for the group – The Ordinary Dad (TOD) – he was even more blown away. 

“It was exactly what God told me – thrive in the ordinary,” said Josiah of the word that came to him at the start of 2023. “So I thought it was divine in a certain sense.”

Founder of The Ordinary Dad, Cliff Tam (second from right), with other members of the group. They meet up to encourage and challenge one another.

After attending TOD’s first session and hearing about how others struggled with loneliness, Josiah was even more grateful that God had given him these fathers to journey with.

“These were things that I kind of sidestepped because the group was there,” he added.

While TOD started with just six members, it now has around 50 men. Discussions are wide-ranging, from how they parent their children and relate to their wives, to practical tips and even dad jokes. 

However, as TOD grew, Josiah and a few others realised that not all fathers were able to make it for their monthly gatherings. 

“Instead of them coming to the stories, we thought we could bring the stories to them,” he said.

A podcast was the natural medium because dads could tune in while they were doing their chores, explained Josiah, who is the host, producer and editor.

The dads from TOD meet at the Common Ground Civic Centre, which is also where the podcast gets recorded. The podcast was made possible with help from Brandon Myles (far left) who runs production company Myles & More, one of the civic centre’s resident partners.

Aside from being an archival of the many experiences that TOD fathers have gone through, the other objective is for dads who might not be part of the group to feel less alone.

There are currently five episodes in the TODcast, and a second season is in the pipeline, God willing. 

Recognising that God is also using the podcast to teach him about surrender, Josiah mentioned that the old him would have been driven to push out the first season in half the time and with more episodes.

“I realised that the standard was placed upon me by myself,” he stated. “Why (am I) constantly striving? – which is my weakness, I guess – trying to strive, prove something, achieve.

“But maybe God is also trying to help me to be still, to recognise His hand in everything. So now I’m at peace. We’ll see how it goes.”

This is the same attitude that Josiah is adopting with regard to their family’s plans for the future – to wait upon the Lord for decisions that have to be made. 

While they had intended for this stay-home season to be only for a year, Josiah said: “My wife was the one who saw that there was improvement in our kids. 

“So we said, ‘Let’s renew contract. Let’s try to do this longer, until God calls us to do otherwise.'”

Sharing how they have also seen God’s provision for their income, he noted: “The moment that we said, ‘Let’s do this for the next few years’, there were freelance writing jobs where I could do things at my own time.”

For now, Josiah is grateful for more time with his family and the flexibility of being able to choose which projects he wants to take up.

While Josiah no longer holds a full-time position in the media industry, one of the ways that he continues to exercise his gift of creativity is through his own social media account @TheSociallyDistancedDad.

Having gained a following during the pandemic for his fun videos on father-son activities, these days the content on his page has taken a different form, containing more of his musings as a stay-home parent.

Explaining that writing has become a quick way to express himself, Josiah appreciates still having this creative outlet.

“The heart behind it is always the same,” he clarified. “I’ve come to realise that my creativity is not just for expression, but also for edification, where you can bless and encourage other people.”

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