How to prepare your child for university overseas: A Christian mother’s guide

by Theresa Tan // August 27, 2024, 8:34 pm

As many overseas universities begin their new term, some of us will be bidding farewell to our children as they embark on their higher education. Photos from Depositphotos.com

When our middle child – our older daughter – asked if she could study overseas, my first reaction was “Why would you?”

She had achieved strong grades and been offered a place in a local university (albeit not her first choice). All her friends were here. We were here. She had completed her last internship so successfully, the company was ready to offer her a job after graduation.

But she wanted both to study a course that was not offered in Singapore, and to do so in a foreign environment.

I prayed for a long time, asking God to change her mind. I was not mentally or emotionally prepared to have any of my babies apart from me for an extended length of time, so far away it required a plane trip to reconnect.

One day, in the throes of my begging, I heard the Lord distinctly say: “Let her go.”

Accepting God’s plan

Once God spoke, I knew there was no stopping this. I pivoted and threw myself into preparing for her departure.

While I was still reluctant and sad, there was a peace that transcended understanding. I had a blessed assurance that she would be okay because the Lord was going to be with her in every place and every moment that I could not.

As parents we are called to “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

She spent her first year of university in her room in Singapore, thanks to COVID. We still had to pay the full first year fees (which was a lot!), but at least she didn’t need to find and pay for housing.

I felt it was God’s way of easing me into acceptance. At least I still had her at home for one year.

It also gave me one year to gear up for her move. In that time, I created a physical manual for my daughter before she left Singapore.

In it, I wrote down verses to remind her how she is fearfully and wonderfully made, and that God will never leave her or forsake her. I wrote many encouragements for all kinds of scenarios.

I added a litany of common sense advice (eg, “Do not let anyone order you a drink at a club. Get your own drink and hold on to it”) and recipes of all her favourite things to cook and eat.

Now, having walked this road, and talked to fellow parents (and overseas graduates), I share here is a list of things parents can do to prepare for your child’s moving away.

1. Pray up

Psalm 37:23 says: “The steps of a man are established by the Lord.“

I realised from the moment God said to let her go, that this was a step in her path that He had ordered.

But that did not mean that there would be no obstacles. As a family, we began praying in earnest for all the many elements of her move to come together smoothly, including getting her student visa and insurance, finding a good apartment in a safe neighbourhood at a reasonable rental near enough to campus.

We prayed that she would have favour with her professors and her classmates, and that God’s mighty protection would be upon her every moment.

The more we prayed, the more confident we all grew that she would not only survive but thrive on her own overseas.

2. Train up

One of my life’s anchor chapters is Ephesians 6: I believe in putting on the whole armour of God, which is to be prepared at all times for the wiles of the evil one.

Being physically prepared is also a good idea.

Having heard about KAPAP (Krav Panim el Panim) from a friend who trained in it before embarking on a backpacking tour, I signed my daughter up for lessons. This form of Israeli self-defence gave her basic skills in thwarting anyone with evil intentions who comes too close.

We also agreed that she would practise cooking her favourite meals, so that she could cook for herself overseas. She was put in charge of making fried rice for lunch and basil beef stir-fry for our family dinner.

No more “da bao food”: Eating out overseas is costlier than in Singapore. Learning to cook simple meals is a good skill for would-be overseas students to pick up and practise before leaving.

Practice makes edible, if not perfect yet. Eating something familiar would also bring her the comfort she would seek when she was missing home.

3. Create an atmosphere of familiarity and love

When it came time for her to settle in her new apartment before her second year began, my husband and I flew over with her to prepare her living quarters and make it as homey and familiar as possible.

We saw to it that she had everything from multiple bedsheets and a portable heater to an Instant Pot and enough Cetaphil to maintain her baby soft skin.

My husband went with her to set up her overseas bank account and get her on a mobile network, while I stocked her flat with the sauces she would need for cooking.

Doing these mundane things together with her was a deliberate move to show her adulting wasn’t as intimidating as it seemed.

I had knitted her a sweater with a secret message on the inside, and crocheted a big cuddly sloth with long arms to wrap around her.

We knew there would be times she would need a human hug and we would not be there, but we had to trust the Lord that He would be enough for her.

4. Stay connected daily without fail

In the same way we stay connected to our heavenly Father daily in our prayer and praise, we encouraged our daughter connect with us every day.

She did: Whether by video call, or WhatsApp messages, we were sure to hear from her at least once a day. Many times, it was several times a day.

Every birthday, she video-calls in and we sing Happy Birthday together and take a photo (with her face on someone’s phone).

This continues today. Even if it’s just playing Wordle and announcing our daily scores (yes, we are competitive), or sending silly memes to one another, just keeping up the conversation, sharing jokes and frustrations makes us feel almost as if we’re in the same room.

It may seem a small thing, but one day without connecting is the start of disconnect. She takes it seriously, and so do we.

Her journey, our journey

As much as our daughter has matured in her habits and understanding, my husband and I have matured in our parenting and our knowledge of God.

“All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace.“

As we let go of our children, we can trust that God will cover them – they are a gift from Him (Psalm 127:3).

Isaiah 54:3 is a promise from the Lord I have held on to for all my children, and it has not rung more true than these years our daughter has lived on her own abroad.

I admit, at the start I felt a little like Abraham being asked to sacrifice my Isaac. But it was the Lord’s assurance alone that gave me the courage to let my daughter go.

This has enlarged the boundaries of my faith and my trust in God for everything – even my child.

A prayer for our children heading overseas

Heavenly Father, we thank You for the gift of our children. We thank You that You have opened up this opportunity for them to study overseas, and we trust in the plans You have for them.

We ask for Your grace as we journey with our child through this milestone:
• Let Your presence be upon them as they travel to a foreign land. Let Your presence be upon them as they navigate their way through a strange new place.
• Let Your favour be upon them as they embark on their studies. Let them be taught by righteous teachers and have trustworthy friends. Let them experience the fruit of their hard work.
• Let all they have learnt from young about You and Your mighty love for them always be their shield, no matter what storms they may have to brave.
• Let this time away be a time away with You. Let them come to know You and worship You as their personal Lord and Saviour, and develop their own relationship with You.
• Protect them and deliver them from all evil in every form: Physical, spiritual, mental, emotional. Protect them from every form of disaster and temptation.
• As we as parents release them, let us also grow in our knowledge and understanding of Who You are, and learn to trust You with our most precious child.

We thank You that You model for us the love of a Father for His children. In this new journey may we also remember and be encouraged that You are also our children’s heavenly Father, and no one can snatch them out of Your hand.

In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.