I had noticed my twin boys weren’t speaking like other kids, but I had no idea what was going on. Until I sent them to nursery school.

The principal noticed that our three-year-old twins were restless and could not take instructions. Their speech was also slurred. She approached my husband and me, suggesting that we get them professionally assessed.

We did so, and when the results came back, we were in shock and in denial.

Parenting a child with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is tough, but we had two – twins. It was overwhelming.

But then I felt like I had to accept it as part of my karma, that it was something I had somehow earned.

My husband and I did our best to come to terms with it. Autism spectrum disorder is a condition that affects how a person develops and interacts with others. The twins were diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Agnes and Joseph learnt behavioural intervention strategies to help them manage the challenges their twins faced.

People with ASD might find it hard to communicate and connect with others in social situations, so we learnt behavioural intervention strategies to help us manage the challenges our twins faced. For instance, we learnt to use visual aids to communicate with them.

People with ASD may also have repetitive behaviours and interests (doing the same things over and over) and they may struggle with changes in their routine. So we also had to structure and plan daily routines to help the boys manage. A lack or change of routine can cause meltdowns.

Terrible teenage years

Things took a turn for the worse when the boys hit their teenage years.

They struggled so much in mainstream secondary school: Both were bullied by schoolmates and could not make any friends.

Justin, my older twin, in particular, wanted to make friends but kept making enemies because he just didn’t know how to communicate the right way. He ended up getting angry and had meltdowns. Once, he tried to take his life by jumping off the school building. Fortunately, four school teachers and a few students managed to pull him back.

It broke my heart to see him so miserable.

His frustration boiled over, and he became violent at home. I’ll never forget the day the police had to get involved. It was terrifying, but thankfully, the officers managed to calm him down before things escalated.

Joseph and his sons when the twins were 10, and Bennett was 14.

It was at this point that our old friend and confidante, William Tan, realised the severity of the struggles we faced raising our twins.

He invited us to attend a free counselling service offered by his church, Emmanuel Assembly of God. 

We were amazed by how William had become a completely new person after he became a Christian. He also seemed happier and had a peace he never had before. 

Agnes (left, in a 2002 photo) and William (in red)  were so close that they called each other “brother”. William’s transformation from party animal to responsible family man intrigued Agnes and Joseph.

We were desperate to find a way to rebuild our relationship with our boys, so we went. 

Magnet of love

The 10 weeks of counselling helped us see that that we as parents, needed to make the first move to change, instead of expecting our boys to change to meet our expectations.

We learnt to be more flexible and accommodating in the face of our twins’ growing independence and exertion of their own rights. We cannot force them to fit our mould.

Agnes with Justin (left) and Jayson when they were 14.

Besides learning new ways to communicate with our sons, we also experienced something unexpected and amazing.

Our counsellors were just an ordinary couple – volunteers at the church – but their love for us was so powerful, so genuine.

We also felt loved by the entire church community. We were strangers to them, but they embraced us with open arms. This love was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before.  

We later learnt that they were loving us the way that Jesus loves us (1 John 4:10).

And then there was William – someone we had known as a carefree, party-loving guy. He had completely transformed into this responsible, loving family man. It was clear that something beyond human effort had caused that change.

Joseph and I started attending Alpha classes, where we could ask any question about the Christian faith without the pressure to convert. We also started attending small group fellowships.

Bit by bit, I began to sense God’s love for me and my family on a personal level.

In November 2019, at the age of 52, my husband Joseph and I made a life-changing decision and invited Jesus into our lives.

This was just the beginning.

A family won over

Shortly after, Joseph’s mother, followed by my own mother and subsequently my aunt, also invited Christ into their lives.

My own mother was surprised and won over by the great love Joseph and I developed for our boys after we became Christians.

Celebrating Joseph’s mum’s birthday in 2022.

Joseph and I know that it’s only by God’s grace that we’ve been able to face the challenges of raising children with ASD and still come out stronger. It’s His love that has transformed our lives – and continues to draw us closer to Him.

We also believe it is with God’s help that our twins have overcome so many obstacles to get to where they are. 

The twins are now 23. We are so thankful to witness their progress. 

Jayson, our younger twin, is completing his studies in graphic design.

Justin has graduated from polytechnic with a diploma in fintech and is currently looking for a job. He hopes to further his studies after gaining some work experience. In the last two years, he has travelled to various countries in South East Asia by plane, train and bus, all on his own. 

It’s been nothing short of a miracle to see God work in our lives and the lives of those we love.

Justin is open to receiving Jesus. We continue to pray that one day that our twins will experience the love of God for themselves personally, just as we did.

A version of this story first appeared on Stories of Hope.

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