Singapore’s resident total fertility rate (TFR) made headlines this week for hitting a record low of 0.97 in 2023, according to preliminary estimates revealed by Minister Indranee Rajah in Parliament.

Why is this happening?

Reasons cited include the impact of COVID-19 on parenthood plans, the costs of child-raising, pressures to be an excellent parent, and work and family commitments.

There is a broader phenomenon though. 

Globally, changes in individual priorities and societal norms have led to younger people valuing other pursuits in life instead of marriage and parenthood, as Minister Indranee pointed out in her speech.

In fact, a recent survey published by the Institute of Policy Studies also found that around seven in 10 of locals aged 21-34 said that it is not necessary to get married or have children in a marriage.

For years, the Government has been trying to reverse Singapore’s low TFR, with measures such as the enhanced Baby Bonus scheme, increased paternity leave and upcoming plans to implement flexible work arrangements.

But even as practical support is very much needed in a fast-paced society such as Singapore, isn’t it also time to re-examine our attitudes towards children and parenting?

How can we recapture the beauty of having children and the joy of having a family in a world where young people are increasingly finding meaning in other pursuits?

At the heart of the question is also one about values: Do we see children as a burden or a blessing?

The Bible tells us about the importance of faith, hope and love (1 Corinthians 13:13). From my personal experience of fatherhood, these virtues have also marked my journey.

Faith

Having a child is a journey of faith, which calls us to look beyond the temporal and temporary, beyond the here and now.

As a first-time father, what struck me most about watching my son grow is the sheer sense of awe and wonder in his eyes.

Even something as mundane as a sneeze could spark peals of laughter and a simple game of peek-a-boo could be highly entertaining.

The simplest of everyday objects fascinate him and take on a whole new “magical” dimension and quality as he gazes wide-eyed into them.

Being a parent is an invitation to see the world through vastly different lenses.

It is a chance to rekindle the same sense of awe and wonder that I experienced when I was a child but had lost through the years as I entered the gritty and complex world of adulthood.

Becoming a new father more than a year ago. Photo courtesy of Darius Lee.

As part of a journey of faith, parenthood also invites us to look beyond what things appear to be on the surface, into the deeper meaning and destiny of things, people and circumstances.

It means seeing with spiritual eyes, the eyes of faith.

As I look at my child, I see immense potential and often wonder what kind of man he would grow up to be.

At times I also wonder: Is this how our God sees His children?

Parenthood can give us a glimpse into the eternal and everlasting, helping us to understand our Heavenly Father better in how He sees us and how we see Him through the lens of faith. 

After all, “faith” as the Book of Hebrews tells us, “is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1).

Hope

Having a child also encourages you to hope. 

Some people reject the idea of having children because they question the morality of bringing children into a world which is full of chaos and suffering.

For example, a 2023 study found that climate change concerns were associated with people’s desire and intention to have fewer children or no children at all.

However, when we look at the Bible, we see a vastly different reality.

One powerful example of this was the Israelites when they were slaves in Egypt. In the Book of Exodus, we read that “the more they were oppressed, the more they multiplied and spread” (Exodus 1:12).

We see a similar pattern in the Book of Acts. Even though persecution broke out against the early church, “those who had been scattered preached the word wherever they went” (Acts 8:4) and the church grew.

Both involve reproduction – one biological and one spiritual – but the message is clear: God’s people are a people of hope.

That hope does not lie in one’s circumstances, but in a God who will deliver on His promises to His people.

Thus, even the most extreme suffering cannot rob God’s people of that hope, who dare to dream of a better future for themselves and the next generation.

It is an attitude that sees children not as part of the problem, but as part of the solution.

If we bring up our children in the ways of the Lord, they can bring a better future not only to themselves, but also to the people around them.

Love

Finally, parenthood is a call to sacrificial love, asking us to put the needs of another before oneself. But in loving, we receive love too.

As any parent of a young child will share, there are many nights of interrupted sleep, as babies need milk, comfort or may even be unwell and need more attention. 

I have lost count of the number of nights that I was woken up in the middle of the night – all groggy and sometimes mildly irritated – by my son’s cries.

However, his is a primal cry with the knowledge that he has both a father and a mother who will hear and answer.

In those newborn days, night wakings were more frequent. Photo courtesy of Darius Lee.

This brings to mind the passage in the Bible where Paul tells us that we have received the Spirit of sonship, by whom we cry, “Abba, Father” (Romans 8:15).

Indeed, my son’s very first word was “Abba” (Aramaic for “father”), a word we did not teach him, and he still calls me “Abba” till this day.

Words cannot describe the kind of pure love and joy that emanates from his eyes when he wakes from his sleep in the morning and sees me next to his cot, or runs and hugs my legs when he sees me appear in the doorway.

If there was possibly an earthly example of unconditional love, this would come very close.

What can we do as a Church?

All that said, the immense value of children is not something that can be conveyed in words because words alone are not sufficient. One has to experience the beauty of having children to understand it.

Seen in this light, to me, questions about cost of living and other challenges pale in comparison to the faith, hope and love that come with parenthood. 

Yet as our society has fewer and fewer children, there is even less opportunity for people to experience the joy of loving a child and seeing a child grow.

Can the Church do something about it? The answer should lie in both word and deed.

For one, churches should teach a sound understanding of the meaning of marriage and family, and emphasise on the profound value of children.

Indeed, our Lord Jesus Christ did not despise the experience of growing from an unborn child into childhood and then adulthood, having come as the Word made flesh (John 1:14).

Beyond teaching, fostering meaningful interactions and relationships across generations is also key. Perhaps churches could consider encouraging more suitably mature young people to serve in children’s ministry.

Another area that may need more attention is cell group ministry.

Many first-time parents find it very difficult (or impossible) to continue with their cell groups because of their infants’ schedules. Some people I know have had to change churches to find suitable cell groups too.  

Ultimately, the birth of my son was life-changing in more ways than one. Deep down, I saw that my life goals and priorities began to shift.

My short journey of being a father has also been such a transformative experience. Raising children is challenging but immensely meaningful. 

For Christians, parenthood is indeed a sanctifying and refining journey. It calls us to deny ourselves daily, but in doing so, gives us glimpses of the depths and richness of the faith, hope and love of God.

I can only hope that more people in this generation and the generations to come will not miss out on this precious opportunity of parenthood and raising children.

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