She was an educator who enjoyed her job, teaching Mathematics and Chemistry in a secondary school while conducting the choir occasionally. 

She and her husband were also familiar faces in the worship ministry in church – he would lead on stage, while she would play the piano and sing. 

But all of that changed in 2005.

That year, Amy Loh was diagnosed with vocal nodules (abnormal growths on the vocal cords) that were so advanced that she had difficulty speaking and even breathing normally. 

“I had a prolonged sore throat and frequent loss of voice, but I didn’t see the doctor because I thought (it was because) I scold people all the time right?” she recounted to Salt&Light.

“I only saw the specialist when I really could not breathe. Every two days, I would have no voice.”

Other than her hectic schedule at work, Amy was also managing three young children who were 2, 3 and 5 at that time.

Even though she was prescribed vocal therapy that she could do in her own time, Amy found it hard to be consistent.

“I remember being scolded by a stern nurse for asking my students to complete their homework, yet I failed to follow instructions to fulfil my physiotherapy diligently at home and in school. Breaks as a teacher are hard to come by. 

“I was overcommitted – I was also running a musical in school. I think work became my idol because I was just so passionate about it.”

By the time she went for a second scope months later, her condition had worsened to the point that her doctor recommended hospitalisation for 30 days in an isolation ward, so that it would prevent her from using her voice. 

Refusing that option, Amy finally decided to submit her resignation letter after her school’s musical was over.

“Something just moved me to resign,” she recalled. “It was a prompting of having to rest. My husband also wanted me to stay home to rest.”

“By 2005, I had lost most of my voice, left barely with five notes to pitch with and speak with.”

While that kickstarted Amy’s journey to physical recovery, it also marked the beginning of a mental, emotional and spiritual struggle that would plague her for months on end.

Down in the pit

With a job she loved no longer a part of her life and her ability to sing taken away, Amy found herself thrown into the depths of despair.

“I felt paralysed. My voice was what had given me success, I thought.”

Disappointed with how her life had turned out, she battled depressive thoughts.

“I couldn’t sleep and cried all the time. But even crying was not allowed. I was told I couldn’t cry because that would aggravate the nodules further.

“There were days when I would just tell God to make me disappear or take me home. There was more self-pity than anything else.”

Amy also wrestled with anger. “I was angry at myself for not having been careful enough and angry at God for allowing it to happen.”

With music being an integral part of Amy’s life, it was hard to accept one loss after another – first, playing the piano, then singing.

Reflecting on how the stress of work and motherhood could have possibly led her to raise her voice more, she said: “I blamed my husband that I was not able to find rest and take care of myself. I also blamed it on my children.

“I didn’t really like raising kids so I would get unnecessarily frustrated when I didn’t get enough help.”

Opening up about the bumps in the road she faced as a young mother, Amy shared that she had a very trying experience with her first child who was a tough baby “but is now fantastic”.

After delivering her second child – who was born with the umbilical cord around his neck – she also suffered from multiple episodes of breast abscess for six months, requiring needle aspirations.

When she was pregnant with her third child, there were worries over his health because he was a “single artery baby”, which is when one artery in the umbilical cord is missing. 

After giving birth to her third child, she also experienced numbness in her hands. As a result, she had to stop playing the piano for a period of time.

Amy gave birth to her first child at 26 years old. Her second and third came within the next three years.

“I struggled with having kids because I wasn’t prepared to give up so many things,” she explained.

“It was not that I didn’t like (my children), but I felt that they played a part in the restriction of my freedom and my physical health.”

With the loss of her voice, it felt like the final blow in a long string of tests and trials. 

“I guess all these things added up to ‘Why is my life like that?'” 

Shutting everyone out

Driven by the love for her children and a strong sense of responsibility, Amy continued to give her best in her season as a stay-home mum.

However, unable to explain herself clearly, she felt like she was plunged into isolation. 

“You feel like nobody’s helping you when actually people are willing to help. But because you cannot communicate, you end up doing everything by yourself.”

Amy also tried to “shout” with plenty of negative non-verbal expressions, such as slamming the door and walking away. 

“There was a lot of tension in the home, so to prevent myself from showing that unlovable side, I refused to interact much.

“The distancing and isolation also affected my marriage as communication just broke down. Everything that was helpful and loving, I read as belittling or unkind.”

Feeling tired, lonely and helpless, “that led to the deception that my family didn’t care,” said Amy. 

Amy credits her husband Kevin for being so loving and supportive throughout her ordeal.

Meanwhile, going to church felt like a dread. Aside from her strained relationship with God, there were other reasons. 

“People always saw our family as the ‘poster family’ in worship because the husband leads, the wife sings or plays, and the children would come along too.”

Now that Amy was not serving in worship anymore, she could only bring her kids to watch her husband practise, while continuing to help out in the toddler ministry.

“You can’t sing, and then people start chatting with you. You feel like you’re behind a mask all the time.”

Finding it hard to share what had happened to her voice, Amy said: “You’re just afraid of the responses.”

This went on for more than a year until 2007.

The moment that changed everything

One day, Amy was tinkering on the home piano and attempting to write a song.

By this time, she had regained mobility in her hands. But since she had not been rostered to serve in worship for a while, Amy played the piano mostly for herself, her family and her cell group.

“I could also talk more, but I just wouldn’t dare sing. So I write because I cannot sing, right?”

Ever keen to imitate what their “Mama” was doing, Amy’s kids decided to go into the bedroom and do the same thing. 

“I was just playing (the piano) and taking notes, and then suddenly they just came out with what they wrote.”

“I think they were out in 15 minutes – very fast!” exclaimed Amy, opening up a cupboard in her living room to pull out a few pieces of paper that she had faithfully kept the last 20 years.

“This is really not the work of humans. They’re just vessels,” said Amy. Each of her children wrote a different song. Blown away by what they had written, these songs would go on to inspire Amy’s first worship album years later.

One by one, Amy added music to the lyrics her children had penned down – with tears streaming down her face as she sang praises to God.

“For the first time in a long time I sang, ‘Jesus, I love You’.

“And I really cried. I had never cried so much in the longest time. I was very cold towards God already.”

Confessing how her heart was so hardened at that stage, she said: “I remember sharing with my husband, ‘How could you all sing songs like, ‘I want to give You my all.’ Do you really mean it?” 

Amazed by how God continued to pursue her even when she had rejected Him, Amy said: “God loves us so much that if he finds that method 1 doesn’t work, He will use another method. 

“He used my cute little children who ‘tricked’ me into opening my mouth to verbalise what really had never left my heart: The knowledge of His love and the truth that I love Him.”

Growing up, music was also a big part part of the lives of Amy’s kids. Her firstborn Annie can play the cello and keys; older brother Aaron can play the violin and guitar; and Andre can play the drums.

Something changed in Amy’s spirit that day. It felt like she had been set free from self-pity, anger, guilt and unworthiness, among other things.

“That one encounter revived something that was dead. I was willing to try to worship again.

“I was willing to re-learn how to love the family by receiving love, accepting my destiny and letting go of the past.”

After that day, she remembers a lot hugging and crying, but also reflecting, forgiving and re-dedicating herself to love again.

“If you ask me, throughout my whole life, when was my Holy Spirit moment? I think that was it – when the tears just really flowed because you encountered that presence of God so strongly through the simplest of words,” she told Salt&Light.

Rediscovering childlike faith

That life-changing encounter also began to move her in a new direction.

“The change of heart basically convinced me that there was something God wanted to do through children, and that God wanted children to do something for breakthrough in families because that’s what happened to me.”

This conviction only grew over the next few years, leading Amy to eventually take up the children’s ministry staff role at Christ Methodist Church (CMC).

Sharing how she would often plan activities for the children during cell group time, the then stay-home mum found that her new role came quite naturally to her.

Whether it was baking or giving away postcards to encourage others, she realised that spiritual lessons could be taught to kids in simple ways. 

“For example, we would just sit in McDonald’s, do people-watching and capture facial expressions. I would say, ‘Tell me why the person feels like that and what do you think God is feeling? What do you think God wants you to do?'”

“To me, that was worship. It’s like Jesus walking the streets – walk with Him lah.”

Amy serving with her family after starting her full-time role in the church.

Then came 2010.

Amy’s cell group was helping to run the church camp, and Amy was tasked to oversee the children’s programme.

Admitting that she had already felt God calling her into full-time ministry before the camp, Amy said she was still not convinced and did “a lot of bargaining”. 

God then spoke to her through a series of visions, one of them being a picture of 60 children laying hands on an adult.

“At the camp, one of the Scripture Union facilitators came up and told the children to lay hands on me – there were 60 of them!” said Amy in disbelief. “How to run?” 

One of the burdens that had been weighing heavily on her was also lifted that same night.

“I just felt very strongly in my heart that the children needed to have a voice. But in those days, the voice of a child was very much unheard. 

“So I requested (CMC’s then Pastor-in-Charge) Rev Edmund de Souza to allow a child to pray. I was shocked when he said, ‘Okay, I allow the kids to go up.'”

That night, so many people were in tears after one of the children went up on stage to pray.

“That child’s prayer was for hope in families. I didn’t tell him what to pray!”

Giving children a voice

Answering the call to full-time ministry, Amy joined CMC served as a pastoral staffer from 2010 to 2017.

However, she was on a part-time arrangement, which allowed her to also serve as an itinerant minister for children and families.

Sharing how her vocal cords were still healing in those early years, Amy said: “Between 2010 and 2012, I didn’t have the voice to lead worship.

“But it’s very funny: Every time I needed to say something, the voice would come on. (But when I could not), I knew it was time for a child to lead the worship.”

Amy would also bring along her family to serve at church camps or ministry events.

Interestingly, her vocal limitation opened up the opportunity for more voices of children to be heard.

“I would always have children who would lead the songs for me. I am one person who will never hesitate to give a microphone to a child.

“It’s amazing when you see children draw children into the presence of God – it’s different.”

A passionate believer of what God can do through children, Amy would also ensure that even those who are less musically inclined get a role to serve.

“Every child gets an opportunity.”  

Amy facilitating a time of ministry at Arise!, which has been gathering children and families in Singapore for praise and worship since 2002.

Amy’s recovering voice did not stop her from ministering beyond the walls of her church.

For instance, when she was asked to lead worship for the children’s track at Go4th National Mission Conference in 2011, she again used this chance to share the platform with kids.

“I didn’t think I could pull through one set of 30 minutes because of my vocal cords.

“So I was like ‘You sing this song, you sing this song, you this song. And when Auntie Amy gives this instruction, you know what to do right?'”

With children as her co-ministers, she got through the three-day event held at the Singapore Expo, her voice coming on whenever she needed to sing.

“It’s funny how God trains me to rely totally on Him, how God reminds me that my voice is meant for Him.”

Amy’s family with the folks from Beep Studios celebrating the release of their first worship album.

Similarly, when God sent different people to provide Amy with money to record an album in 2012, she wondered how she was going to manage.

“My vocal cords could only hold for a certain period of time, but God said, ‘I never asked you to sing all of them.’ So we gathered children, and it became an inter-generational album with kids’ voices.”

From the singing to the playing of musical instruments, every member of her family was involved.

God even sent a brother-in-Christ Kevin Foo (then owner of Beep Studios and now Managing Director of Sony Music Entertainment in Southeast Asia) to help with the production.

“This album really fulfilled the vision of it being sent out,” Amy told Salt&Light. She had received a vision from God of the album going to different countries.

True enough, the songs in Jesus, I Love You have been translated into multiple languages and used to minister to children across the world, from the mountains of Cebu to Africa. 

Thanks to the album sales, donations and love gifts, the Lohs were also able to record a second album, Dear God, in 2014. 

At the recording of Dear God. By that time, there was a noticeable improvement in Amy’s voice.

Amy talks about one of the tracks on the album that has a special anointing: “Thank You Lord was like a response to everything that has happened.”

Thank you Jesus I can speak
Thank you Jesus I can sing
Thank you Jesus I was made to praise You
Thank you Lord that you love me 

Although she had originally written it to encourage a child who was battling an illness, it soon became her own song of thanksgiving too. 

“It’s a reminder of how God brought healing.”

Back to the heart of worship

Now a music teacher in a school, Amy revealed that God led her out of full-time ministry in 2017.

“Vocally, I was much better, and God was calling me to make a connection with what’s going on in the real world,” she said, adding that this has helped her to better understand the needs of the next generation and become a more effective minister.

Today, Amy and her family still lead worship in CMC’s children’s ministry once a month.

They also continue to run church camps and ministry events through ONEKids Ministry, a non-profit organisation that the Lohs set up when their family started serving itinerantly. 

Besides releasing music, ONEKids has programmes that equip children to worship God and empower them to make a difference in the world.

“We are called to help the Church believe that this next generation has a voice, that God wants to move through them.”

Convinced that healing in families can also happen when children are given a voice, Amy’s desire is for homes to be rebuilt and strengthened.

“I believe wholeheartedly that that was why God put me through episode after episode. It was really to see where His heart for children and families was.”

Emphasising that children are a gift from God, Amy points out that her three kids were instrumental to her healing and restoration.

“They literally brought me into reconciliation with God.”

Today, Amy’s voice quality is still different from before, but she no longer feels breathless when she sings or speaks.

Reflecting on how losing her voice has taught her so much, Amy, now 52, said: “I could never see ministry the same way as I used to.

“I learnt that worship is so much more than a song.”

Saying a prayer together as a family or inspiring each other by sharing about your day can be worship too, she suggested.

“There are a lot of wrong mindsets about what family worship is because people look at (our family) and they think that everybody’s got to serve together.”

Now that Amy’s children are adults, it is harder to align everyone’s schedules. But they still try to serve together whenever possible.

Clarifying what family worship means to her, Amy said: “It’s about mutually supporting each other to draw (one another) into the presence of God.

“So somehow (my family) draws me back to God, and I draw them back to God. That’s the way our relationship is.”

Just like in her own experience, Amy hopes that many others would also encounter God’s love through the journey of motherhood.

“And when that happens, we cannot hold back our praise but declare, ‘Thank You Lord, You love me.'”

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