Twelve years ago, James Kuan stood on a stool next to his open kitchen window.

Then 39 years old, he had spent two decades in the semiconductor industry, a field so specialised that he felt he was stuck with no way out except to quit.

James during his engineering days in 2012. 

The relentless pressure to produce breakthroughs every quarter weighed heavily on him.

Sleepless nights and worsening health issues – unexplained blood in his urine – added to his growing despair.

But what troubled him the most was the thought of failing his family who relied on him to provide. His children were just eight and 10, and his wife was a homemaker.

James (back, right) with his parents, wife and children in 2006.

That fateful night, overwhelmed by exhaustion and hopelessness, James struggled to quiet the turmoil in his mind.

“I felt it was too much to take,” said James, now 51.

Three simple words 

Looking out the kitchen window, James was ready to let go of life.

“But as I prepared to jump, I saw in my mind’s eye, a panel with three simple words: ‘Jesus help me.’

“Instinctively, I shouted those words,” he said.

James had never been to church. His parents followed a different faith, and he had regularly visited their place of worship.

Later on, James recalled that he may have seen banners about Jesus outside churches in Marine Parade, while sending his daughter (second from left in a 2016 photo) for tuition classes.

“Suddenly, the confusion lifted, and I felt a wave of calm.

“I stepped down from the stool, and just cried and cried.”

It was a moment that changed everything.

“I said, ‘I don’t know you, Jesus. But when I was so desperate, how come I didn’t call the name of the other gods? I called Your name.

“‘You saved me tonight, and I believe you will help me get out of the situation I am in. And I will serve you for the rest of my life.’”

He didn’t realise it then, but he had just said his first prayer.

“I am not alone”

After his attempt to take his life, James and his wife finally said ‘yes’ to their neighbour’s repeated invitations to visit her church. 

“This Ah Ma was 70, yet she talked about God with so much fire. I wanted to know why,” he said.

“At church, I heard for the first time that Jesus died to take away all the wrong I’ve done, and that I am a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). It touched me deeply to know that I have a God who loves me so much.

“I was feeling so hopeless. But now I saw hope, a future – a new start.

“I also knew that I was not alone.

“I started praying a lot, especially when I was stressed, and submitted everything to God,” he said.

A sign in an unexpected place

One day at work, James was using the office restroom when he noticed a motivational poster taped to the back of the cubicle door.

“It read, ‘If you feel down and out, help somebody.’

“I felt like it was speaking directly to me,” he said.

“But I was in no position to help anyone. I suspected I had depression, and I needed a job to sustain my family. How could I give help to others?”

Yet the thought did not leave him.

“I said to God, ‘If this is what You want me to do, I will do it.’”

He thought about who he could help, and narrowed it down to two groups: children and the elderly.

“I went on Google and found statistics that while many people are drawn to working with children, fewer are willing to care for the elderly.”

That realisation pointed to his next step.

Years later, James would get his heart’s wish to serve children, too. He is pictured on an outing with staff and children from Singapore Christian Home.

But there was one major hurdle.

“I had no skillsets for healthcare.”

Miracle after miracle

James found a Masters programme in gerontology at a local institute of learning, which allowed him to study part-time for a year and a half while he continued working.

“But my application was rejected,” he recalled. 

“I was told I had no relevant background, and spots were reserved for those with experience in healthcare.”

“It could only be God,” said James, of the way doors opened for him to gain the necessary skills to serve the elderly.

Accepting it as a sign to stay in engineering, he prepared to move on.

“But at the last minute, I received a call. Someone had dropped out, and I got the place.

“But they told me very clearly: If I failed, I would be out.”

He didn’t have the money for the school fees, so he paid the first instalment on his credit card.

The rest, he hoped, would work itself out.

“For some reason, the school didn’t keep track if I paid, and allowed me to continue studying.

“Only upon graduation did they realise I hadn’t fully paid the fees.”

They allowed him to settle it in instalments before receiving his certificate.

James with SCH resident Nicholas Tham, 22, who has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, at a Christmas market where SCH had a booth to raise awareness and funds for its work.

Another miracle was in store for him.

“A colleague, a Christian, who knew about my situation, gave me $2,000 towards the fees. He said, ‘Don’t need to return it to me. Go and help others.'”

From engineering to eldercare

As part of his coursework, James needed to complete an internship.

“I had hoped to work in a mental health hospital, to learn how to use my own struggles with depression to help others,” he said.

Instead, he was assigned to a nursing home – the pilot in a government-backed initiative to improve nursing home operations through digitalisation.

His skills of analysis and knowledge of technology suddenly became a huge asset.

Tasked with tracing the clinical workflow so that the programmer could adapt the Australian software to the local context, James was assigned to “shadow” nursing aides, nurses and doctors. It gave him an opportunity to understand their day-to-day responsibilities and challenges.

James engaging with an elderly resident at Singapore Christian Home.

When he graduated, the agency overseeing the initiative offered him a job to roll out the system to 20 more nursing homes.

“I never imagined this would happen because I had zero experience in healthcare,” James admitted.

Worried about starting at the bottom rung of the corporate ladder and not having enough to support his family, James prayed.

He was in for another surprise.

“They offered me a job as the manager in charge of the project. The salary offered, though less than what I had prayed for, was just enough.

“I was so grateful.”

A leap of faith

James worked in policy and IT before completing a diploma in social work and transitioning to community mental health.

Later, he joined a team building a new nursing home, a senior care centre, and an academy to train nurses.

He could not have foresaw how nine years of experience across various facets of the eldercare sector would prepare him to lead in his next role.

James joined Singapore Christian Home (SCH) as director of operations, but was subsequently asked to step up to be its executive director.

The addition of a children’s ward to SCH showed James that God had not forgotten about his heart to care for children.

“I rejected the offer as I didn’t feel qualified. But I didn’t sleep well after that,” he admitted. 

Wrestling with the decision, he prayed and sensed that he should accept the role.

“The moment I said yes, a deep peace settled over me.

“I may feel I do not have the capability to do what God asks me to do. But I know that when I follow God, He’s for me, and nothing can be against me (Romans 8:31).”

As James honoured God, he saw how “God also moved the right people – godly mentors and skilled professionals – to join as staff and board members to assist me”.

“Snowfall” over Christmas brought joy to staff and residents of the nursing home.

The nursing home that James helms has been serving chronically-ill residents from all races, religions and social economic status since 1960.

It is also the only nursing home in Singapore with resources to care 24/7 for children and young persons with chronic medical conditions.

On Wednesday nights, Christian nurses at SCH gather for chapel.

New initiatives under James’ leadership included organising the home’s first-ever fundraising dinner in its 63-year history. The effort raised S$600,000.

Within 12 months, the team had turned around a deficit of S$1.1 million into a surplus, bringing a stability that enabled the home to expand its services and facilities.

James with a therapy dog from the Sayang Squad who came to bring joy to residents at SCH.

In 2017, the nursing home added children and dialysis patients to their list of residents. 

A life transformed

“For a long time, I only knew that Jesus saved me, and that if He asked me to do something, He would provide,” said James.

James was 45 when he was baptised.

“Beyond going to church, I had no time to attend Bible study because of my part-time studies and work in eldercare. I didn’t develop much spiritually.”

Last year, he finally had the opportunity to take time off to attend Tung Ling Bible School, where ministry time woven into lectures deepened his heart and head knowledge of God.

James with SCH staff and board members at his graduation from Tung Ling Bible School in 2024.

James now looks back in awe on his journey from the window ledge a dozen years ago.

“God didn’t just save me. He provided the skills I needed to help others, and provided for my family for over a decade.

“Now, it’s time to share my story so that others can see hope even in their darkest moments, and know that God is real.”

About Singapore Christian Home

Singapore Christian Home (SCH) is a 240-bed nursing home that provides residential, medical, nursing, rehabilitative and respite care to the chronically-ill and persons from low-income families.

Known for accepting difficult and challenging cases that are generally refused by other institutions, SCH is also the only nursing home in Singapore with a dedicated ward for medically-fragile children and young persons.

It was started in 1960 by three Christian friends who took in destitute women from the streets of Singapore and put them into their own home at Upper Thomson Road.

Click here if you would like to support the work of SCH by finding out more, donating or volunteering.

Or give here towards SCH’s rooftop playground designed specially to bring joy and therapeutic benefits to child residents who have complex medical issues.

Singapore Christian Home is an Institution of a Public Character (IPC). All qualifying donations (above $20) are eligible for a 250% tax deduction.

A version of this story first appeared on Stories of Hope.

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