“Marry a lady who is smarter than you”: Dr Tan Lai Yong on his 30th wedding anniversary
by Gracia Lee // March 10, 2021, 4:08 pm
On February 3, Dr Tan Lai Yong and wife Lay Chin's 30th wedding anniversary, he launched his new book, Encountering Covid, Embracing Covenant, Engaging Community, to commemorate God's faithfulness during their years together.
Much has been written about Dr Tan Lai Yong, a man known for his simple yet radical way of life, as well as his heart for the community.
Much of who Dr Tan is today is owed to one steady and unflinching source of support – his wife of 30 years, Lay Chin.
Dubbed the “wandering saint”, he gave up all the trappings of modern society – which he could very well have afforded – to be a prison doctor and later a medical missionary in rural Yunnan, China for 14 years.
Even after he returned to Singapore in 2010, he rejected well-paying offers from healthcare players and chose instead to teach university students about the realities faced by marginalised groups like ex-offenders and migrant workers.
Dr Tan, 60, who is often seen clad in a slightly oversized shirt and a pair of well-worn jeans, continues to live a frugal lifestyle. He owns no car – he sees no need for one, he says. And until he moved into a cozy four-room flat in an old estate a few months ago, home was campus housing.
Lai Yong and Lay Chin on their first wedding anniversary in 1992. Photo courtesy of Dr Tan Lai Yong.
Yet what is lesser known about the respected Dr Tan is that much of who he is today is owed to one steady and unflinching source of support – his wife of 30 years, Lay Chin.
Their matrimonial home was in Queenstown Remand Centre, where he was a prison medical officer.
She was the one who stood with him at the church altar on their wedding day in 1991, asking God from Proverbs 30:7-9 – an unconventional wedding verse they chose – to give them neither poverty nor riches, but only their daily bread, so they could better prioritise God in their life together.
She was the one who uttered no complaint when her new husband settled them down into their matrimonial home – the living quarters in Queenstown Remand Centre, where he was a prison medical officer.
And she was the one who readily went into missions with him to rural China – even agreeing to let him bring their two young children to visit leper rehabilitation villages – and urged him to push on when he was tempted to give up and go home.
Early morning walks
On February 3, the couple’s 30th wedding anniversary, Dr Tan launched his new book, Encountering Covid, Embracing Covenant, Engaging Community, to commemorate 30 years of marriage and half of their lives spent together.
The book is a collection of short essays by Dr Tan, in which he reflects on the year that has passed – a pandemic that came upon the world like a storm, and how God’s love breaks through the dark clouds like a beam of sunlight.
“We explore the pain of Covid … It’s real pain. There are real deaths, real sicknesses, real fears. But in the midst of this, we know that God’s covenantal love surpasses us. And how does it go on? As we, Christians, engage communities,” he told Salt&Light at the book launch.
Bangladeshi friends teaching Dr Tan Lai Yong (right) and student volunteers cricket in pre-Covid days. In his new book, Dr Tan shared the profound lessons he has learnt from his daily interactions with ordinary people. Photo courtesy of Dr Tan Lai Yong.
He draws profound spiritual lessons and insights from simple observations of nature and his daily interactions with people.
“Jesus lived in the ordinary … That taught me that our witness is in the ordinary, in being salt and light.”
“Jesus lived in the ordinary. It wasn’t about flying in the sky. It wasn’t about mystics. It wasn’t about superpowers. So that taught me that our witness is in the ordinary, in being salt and light.”
He hopes that those who read his book will be reminded of God’s love for them and, in turn, overflow with His love toward those around them.
“God’s covenant is uniting us eternally, always bringing us together … And when we embrace God’s covenant, God always directs us back to the community to receive help, to share, to exercise compassion and to find hope.”
Strong support
While the book is not about his marriage, it is peppered with photos taken by the couple during their daily morning walks together. “During Covid, we walked almost every day together for 5km to 7km. We would go before sunrise, about 6.15am, sometimes earlier if we wanted to see the moon,” he said.
On these walks they often eased into comfortable silence while observing the flowers, insects and nature. They also spoke about reorienting their priorities and the dreams they hope to pursue together in the next 30 years of their life.
Shy by nature, Lay Chin prefers to stay out of the limelight. But Dr Tan readily shares that she has a been a strong and present source of support throughout their years together.
The vivid photographs in Dr Tan’s new book were taken by Lay Chin and himself on their daily morning walks, and are observations of God’s covenantal love.
“I always tell men: Marry a lady who is smarter than you. My wife is very smart. She questions me. It’s very tiring,” he added cheekily. “She will ask questions, ‘Why are we doing this? What’s the reason? What’s going on? What do you think about this?’ And often I don’t have an answer.”
“During Covid, we walked almost every day together for 5km to 7km. We would go before sunrise, about 6.15am.”
But these questions have sharpened him and kept him on track.
For example, when he started medical missions in Yunnan in 1996, he often threw away the receipts for $1 antibiotics whenever he bought them as he was “too lazy” to record them and thought it was a small sum.
However Lay Chin, an accountant by training, urged him repeatedly to record every dollar. “And I got quite irritated. It’s one dollar!” recalled Dr Tan.
But she had replied: “What’s the long-term aim? The long-term aim is for a local doctor or team to take over this job. It would be inaccurate, and even dishonest, to let the doctor look at our accounts and think that the budget is only so much because you have thrown away all these receipts. You are hamstringing the local doctor!”
On other occasions, Dr Tan would come home feeling discouraged and on the verge of giving up as the work with patients was difficult.
“And she would just ask me, ‘Why give up? What is the reason?’ And as I talked to her, I found no reason. It’s just that I was tired, frustrated that things didn’t work the way I wanted it to work. But evidence-wise, there was no good reason to give up.”
A simple push
Dr Tan, who already has several well received books to his name, shared that he had initially been reluctant to publish another book.
Though he saw that there was a timely message to be told, of remembering God’s love and reaching out to the community during this difficult time, he questioned if he was publishing the book for the right purposes.
There is a timely message to be told, of remembering God’s love and reaching out to the community during Covid.
“I mean Ecclesiastes says, of writing many books there is no end (Ecclesiastes 12:12). So why would I want to put together a book again? Is it to my ego, my pride, that I can add another book to my CV?” he shared.
As he was looking to God for affirmation, he noticed that one of his cell group members, a polytechnic student, was studying design and asked her if she would be interested to design the cover of his book. She agreed.
It was enough reason for him to go ahead with the book. “If I could empower one person to design a book cover and this can grow into her life skills of designing, then the birth of the book has meaning. If I can provide a platform, an opportunity for someone else, I’ll always do it.”
Check back this weekend for Salt&Light’s video interview with Dr Tan Lai Yong: Honey for the wound and the wounded.
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What can we learn from a delivery man in a wheelchair, a teenager with cerebral palsy, a migrant worker poet, and an old man with a rickety shopping cart overflowing with hoarded junk? Plenty, says Dr Tan Lai Yong.
In his latest book, Encountering Covid, Embracing Covenant, Engaging Community, the well-known author, educator and medical doctor shares stories from his encounters with friends and strangers who have unexpected things to teach us about humanity during the time of Covid.
The wisdom revealed in simple things and every day encounters is a reminder to believers of God’s covenant and an encouragement to us all to “hold fast to what is good” in a tumultuous time.
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