In their eight years of marriage, Grace Tan and David Cheng have been through much.

They celebrated the birth of their three daughters, each born about a year apart, and mourned the loss of a child through miscarriage.

They endured a season of financial challenges. David, 38, was unemployed for a season and Grace, 32, a financial advisor, had difficulty finding new clients. At one point, she was down to her last $5.

They have had their rough patches. Like many couples, they quarrelled over unmet expectations and miscommunications.

Yet through it all, both knew it was God who had called them to each other. Romantic as that may sound, it was a call Grace struggled with for many years.

What God put together

Grace was in the first year of university when a pastor gave her a prophetic word about her future spouse.

She was in a car with her older brother sending the pastor home when the man turned to her and said: “God is showing me something about your life. There are many men in your life.

In university, a pastor gave Grace a prophetic word about her future husband.

“There are three, specifically. All love God and they love you. But one of them will turn around and eventually leave on his own. As for the other two, you have to seek God and decide who loves God more.”

Grace took him seriously. Just 20 then, she did indeed have many suitors. David, whom she knew from campus prayer meetings, was not among them.

“We were acquaintances. We didn’t really talk much.”

As she prayed to God one day, asking Him to tell her who He had prepared for her, God answered.

“God told me, ‘David is the one. Are you willing to sacrifice?’ At that time, I didn’t know what sacrifice He meant and why.

“David was not my type. But I responded out of my zeal and passion, ‘Yes, Lord!’

“Everyone asked me, ‘How do you know it is this David?’ When God speaks to you, you just know.”

At that time, there was also another man in the picture. Grace knew him from university and they both had feelings for one another. 

Said Grace: “We sought God on whether to pursue a relationship that worked towards marriage. But we both felt that we were not the partners God had chosen for each other.”

With that settled, Grace approached David.

Grace did not consider David nor did he consider her, until both heard God tell them they would marry each other.

“I was very bold, very direct, very focused. I shared with him what God had put in my heart.”

It was then that David told her that God had also shown him that he was to marry her even though he had not considered her before and she was not his type.

“I was like double confirmation. I was quite excited.”

The Thai entanglement

Grace and David began dating in her second year at university.

“The whole time when we were together, we were just talking about God and praying. It was very odd. It was like dating my Bible Study partner.

“There were a lot of struggles in my heart: Huh? Why like that? Where was the romance? Did I hear wrongly?”

Grace took time to get used to David, who is quieter and less open about sharing his feelings.

Troubled and needing assurance, Grace prayed during a worship service for God to give her a final confirmation that she and David were meant to be together. When the pastor prayed for her, he said: “Today, God is going to confirm everything in your life!”

Then came a prophetic word from another pastor.

“She told me, ‘It’s not the time for you to be in a relationship.’ I agreed. God had showed us we were supposed to be together but we had just jumped straight into the relationship.”

Since she was going to Thailand on a YWAM internship, Grace took the opportunity to put a pause on her relationship with David.

“I left him all bitter and discouraged, and flew to Thailand.”

While there, she met a man who was the undergraduate leader of the group. Because he was in charge of Grace’s team, they saw each other daily.

“Feelings just grew. I have never developed such strong feelings for the opposite gender as I did for this guy. A to Z, he was the type I liked.”

Because she knew she was to marry David, Grace tried to keep her emotions in check. But the man was very persistent. He asked Grace repeatedly to be in a relationship with him. Each time, she rebuffed him.

“The last time I caved in. But it was the biggest mistake. When I got together with him, God reminded me of my disobedience.”

But, overwhelmed by her feelings, Grace continued to date the man. Even when she returned to Singapore, they kept in touch daily even though they were supposed to have broken up.

“Are you willing to sacrifice?”

The long distance and the burden of guilt eventually strained their relationship and the man in Thailand ended up ghosting Grace. He was the one who would “leave on his own” according to the word that had been given to her.

“For about a year after that, I didn’t ask God about relationships. I was so distant from God. I felt so much guilt and shame for being together with this guy.”

Grace also had to deal with seeing David regularly because they were in the same church. He was a constant reminder of what God wanted for her.

“It was torturing for me. I didn’t want to be with him. So I was very mean to him.”

As Grace struggled with her emotions, God encouraged her to turn to Him as “the lover of my soul”. He also asked David to pray for Grace. Eventually, Grace went to David to apologise.

“He was very surprised. He was lost for words.”

Even though he still had some “bitterness in his heart” over how events had unfolded. David and Grace became friends again.

“God did a healing in our hearts.”

In time, God led Grace and David back to each other.

Two years later while on a mission trip in East Asia, Grace heard God speak about her relationship again.

“He asked me, ‘Are you ready to seek Me about your relationship?’ I knew what God was going to say.

“I wrestled with God and eventually surrendered. In my heart, I knew it was the right time.”

When she got back to Singapore, David asked her: “Hey Grace, are you ready for a relationship now?”

It was the confirmation Grace needed.

A greater love

They dated for another two-and-a-half years before tying the knot.

“On my wedding day, the Lord reminded me, ‘Are you willing to sacrifice?’

“My mum was our solemniser. When she asked, ‘Do you take this man …’, it took me a minute to think about it. It stung my heart, that sacrifice. But I was ‘yes’.”

After the wedding, Grace continued to struggle with expressing her love “in a non-friend way, like a lover”. This, which had not bothered David when they were dating, became the source of many of their arguments.

“He felt second best. But there was nothing I could do about it. I asked God to put that love for him in my heart and to show me how He saw David.”

What helped their relationship was the practice of regularly praying together as a couple. Those were the times her disappointment that “he was always on his screen” and his disappointment in her response to him faded.

“Two years ago, God put in our hearts the same thing – to love and to give unconditionally to each other.

“The question He asked both of us was, ‘Even if the other person doesn’t reciprocate and the other person does certain things to hurt you, are you still able to love unconditionally?’”

The other thing that unites Grace and David is “a bigger purpose for us to come together”. Since their university days, they have both wanted to reach the nations for God. They intend to go into the mission field with their children.

“This same vision is more powerful than ‘romantic’ love, which can be gone in time.”

For the Chengs, “things now are way better than when we just got married”.

When they have differences, they are better able to resolve them in prayer. David, quiet and reserved by nature, has become more open to sharing his heart. The forthright Grace has, in turn, learnt to hold her tongue more.

Grace has learnt to love David and their daughters with the unconditional love she has received from God.

“To me love is a choice. This is what I have experienced with God – His reckless love for me. He would leave the 99 sheep and come after me. And when He found me, His joy superseded His wrath. 

“With this kind of love, I can love my husband and my children – love them recklessly, unconditionally. When I make that decision to love them like that, naturally the emotional aspect also flows.

“It brings a peace and joy that romantic love alone can’t.”

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