By the time Benji Wong met his future wife, he was 52. He had lived a colourful life: A gangster and drug addict since his teens, he had gone to jail 10 times and been given 17 strokes of the cane for drug-related offences.

His two marriages failed. In addition, he impregnated a girlfriend and forced her to have an abortion. 

“I regret this. A life gone because of me,” he told Salt&Light in Mandarin.

Amanda was 41 when she met Benji, and she had been through a divorce as well.

At various points in her life, she had suffered depression and entertained suicide. Her children – a son and a daughter – were in their teens. Romance was the furthest thing from her mind.

When the two met, there were no sparks on either side, no fluttering of hearts.

Benji was not contemplating marriage when he met Amanda, having had two failed marriages.

Then she heard a voice telling her: “He is your future husband.”

“I got a shock,” she said.

Partners in prayer  

In 2019, Amanda enrolled at Tung Ling Bible School to learn more about God, having become a Christian just three years before.

“At the time, I attended any classes that offered Christian teaching: Biblical entrepreneur, Christians and gaming… As long as it was a Christian course, I would join.

“But I realised that I had not read the Bible, not even one chapter. When I was told that the students in Tung Ling finish reading one cycle of the whole Bible in three months, I was like … bing!

“Suddenly, I wanted to register at Tung Ling.”

It did not matter that to Amanda that she lived in Malaysia and Tung Ling Bible School is in Singapore. She moved across the Causeway for the three months it took to complete the course at the Chinese Ministry School.

Benji was her classmate.

Benji and Amanda (standing) with their classmates from Tung Ling Bible School.

Said Amanda: “During orientation, they already said cannot have boyfriend and girlfriend (amongst the students). No new relationship with classmates.

“For those from halfway houses, the rule was double: If you have a relationship, you immediately get sent back.

Amanda also admitted: “I was scared of him because of his background.”

As was the practice in the school, the students, 16 in the cohort, had to change seats every day so that they could get to know everyone.

In the first week, Benji ended up sitting beside Amanda. When it came time to pray, they were paired off.

“We were praying for forgiveness and his tears fell,” recalled Amanda. “Then I heard a voice tell me, ‘He is your future husband.’”

Friends in school

While this was going on, Benji was actually thinking of another woman.

“I thought of my last girlfriend. We quarrelled, beat each other up, threw things around. I told her, ‘Go and die!’

“When Amanda prayed for me, I cried. I try to tong (hold it in). I thought: Guys cannot cry, especially in front of girls. Still, the tears came out. I was so moved.”

Benji and Amanda (back) became good friends while studying in Tung Ling Bible School. He found her easy to be with.

After that, he and Amanda became friends. He was not good with the computer, so whenever he needed help with downloading documents, he went to her.

“I got along well with her. She is easy-going.”

Amanda never thought he considered her anything more than a friend.

Said Benji: “I am quite friendly — I was friendly with every girl.”

While their friendship was blossoming, Amanda was praying about the prompting she had received about Benji.

“Starting from that night (we prayed together), I never missed praying about it until the last day of school.

“I told God, ‘Please forgive me if this is my flesh. Being single for so many years, maybe my feelings got ahead of me.

Amanda (right) asked God for five confirmations. She did not get them all before she told Benji what she heard from God, but the confirmations would come in time.

“’If it is from You, I need confirmation.’

“But I also told God, ‘I don’t want this. I just want to be alone. My kids are finally older. I’m totally free.’”

Few confirmations in sight

In total, Amanda asked God for five confirmations that she had heard Him correctly about Benji. Up to the day of graduation, she only received one confirmation.

“At the time, Benji was also working in Tung Ling. I told God, ‘He’s so hua hua (flirtatious), every batch there would be lots of girls (for him to get with).

Benji recorded a proposal video for Amanda which she only got to see after they agreed to get married. “He only had one flower and he spoke like he wanted to fight,” said Amanda.

If they were to enter a relationship, this would be a problem, she thought.

“’How can I go back to Malaysia while he is in Singapore surrounded by girls in Tung Ling? You have to let me fangxing (not worry),” she told God.

On the last week of school, Benji suddenly confided in Amanda that he may not have a job in Tung Ling Bible School after graduation.

In order to enrol in the Chinese Ministry School, Benji had to stop working. In his absence, the school hired someone to replace him.

Benji told Amanda that his replacement may continue working and he may instead have to get a job at The New Charis Missions (TNCM), the halfway house in which he was living.

There would be no girls for Benji to be hua hua with at TNCM.

When they were considering starting a relationship, Amanda was concerned that Benji would have trouble remaining faithful because he was always so friendly with the opposite sex.

“That was the first confirmation even though it was a small thing. I was so happy, even though I was not in love with him at that time,” Amanda said.

“I had asked God for five confirmations. I still had one week of school to go. Every day, I prayed.

“But up to the last day of graduation, none of the rest of the four confirmations appeared.

“So I said, ‘Forgive me, Lord. This desire is my flesh.’”

The confession

Instead of returning to Malaysia after that, Amanda remained in Singapore for a week to be with her aunt. Benji played host to her.

On her last day in Singapore, he organised a durian-eating session that included others as well. At the last minute, the others dropped out. That left Amanda and Benji alone.

An accidental durian date gave Amanda the opportunity to have a heart-to-heart talk with Benji.

Amanda took the opportunity to ask him: “Have you ever prayed for a future partner before?”

Benji told her: “I didn’t want to marry. Lao liao (already old) and twice divorced.”

As they talked, he was reminded of what he told God three years before in 2018.

“I told Him, ‘Last time, I use to choose girls with long hair, fair skin, no pock marks.

“’Now I won’t choose — You give me. As long as she doesn’t xianqi (mind) me, I won’t xianqi her.

“’Just give me someone with Your heart, or else she cannot accept this chow pai kiah (bad boy).

“And if You want to give me a partner, she must sing well.’”

What he did not know was that Amanda had been a professional singer.

“When he said that, I thought: Oh, really sounds like me!” Amanda mused.

She explained: “I was a teenager when I sang getai (live performances). I used to be the opening act for the bigger stars. It was a way to make a quick buck: I needed tuition but had no money. When I grew up, I sang in clubs, hotels.

Amanda and Benji dated for three years before getting married.

That gave Amanda the courage to share what she heard from God about their relationship.

Said Benji: “I thought: Si meh (Really)? I never thought I would be with her. But I told her, ‘Okay lah, we test it out. Let’s try (to be a couple).’

“People have tried to introduce girls to me. I refused because I don’t have that feeling. But with her, I had no objections.”

The challenges

So began their long-distance courtship that included daily video calls, some lasting as long as six hours, and monthly visits to Singapore on Amanda’s part. After three months, Benji proposed, sort of.

“I told her, ‘If God wants us to be together, let’s get married.’”

When Benji told his pastor he was dating Amanda, he told him they had to date for at least two years if they were considering marriage.

They then told his pastor and his wife who encouraged the couple to date for two years first. After that, Amanda did research on what it would take to marry a Singaporean and realised massive amounts of paperwork was needed.

The final blow came when Benji could not produce legitimate divorce papers.

“He gave me this note written by someone saying she wants to divorce him. It wasn’t a divorce document.

“I had to go to Family Court the next month. So many things to settle to get married. After Family Court, I cried.

“I asked God, ‘Why You like that? I just want to marry someone. Still have to go through so much. Don’t do this to me.’”

When God spoke to Amanda, she cried even more. “He told me, ‘It is not meant for you.’

“I thought: If I am not the bride and yet I have to do so much, isn’t it very jialat (terrible)?”

It was only after talking to Benji’s friends who were also ex-offenders that Amanda realised that her experience wading through a mountain of paperwork could help other brides like her in the future.

Her ordeal was not just for her alone.

God’s promise fulfilled

Before they could proceed further, COVID erupted worldwide. Lockdowns were mandated. Amanda could not enter Singapore. The couple maintained their relationship through video calls. Even their pre-marital counselling classes were conducted online.

Amanda and Benji went through both pre-marital counselling and an Alpha marriage course which helped their relationship.

“I encountered God’s healing and deliverance through the course. We both saw God leading,” said Amanda.

During that time, God gave Amanda another encouragement. While the couple was trying to get married, a speaker spoke at a prayer meeting Amanda attended in Malaysia.

The speaker prayed for many people, but Amanda was not one of them.

“But just as the meeting was closing, she said, ‘Those who never got prayed for, go up.’

“I went up to be prayed for. She said, ‘God wants to bless you. He wants to give you a relationship.’

“I cried when I heard that. I really felt steady after that.”

The word spoken was greatly needed because of what else would come.

In order to marry a Singaporean, Amanda had to apply for a Pre-marriage Long-term Visit Pass Assessment (PMLA). The pass is valid only for a year. With the pandemic raging on, the couple thought they would have no hope of Amanda being allowed into Singapore before the pass expired.

When Benji brought Amanda home to meet his parents, his mother asked if he had chosen correctly. He told her: “I didn’t choose. She is who God gave me.”

But when Amanda applied to leave Malaysia, her application was approved. A few weeks later, Singapore gave her permission to enter.

“It was a miracle because to us, it was impossible,” said Amanda.

An anonymous benefactor even sponsored Amanda’s quarantine fee which came up to a four-figure sum.

Benji and Amanda tied the knot in 2021.

Path to acceptance

Another confirmation that Amanda had heard correctly about Benji came after they got married.

In 2018, a man went to speak at TNCM where Benji was living. He prophesied over Benji.

Benji and Amanda now work together at Tung Ling Bible School. She is an administrator and he is a maintainence provider.

“He said, ‘God wants you to go north. Just go. God will give you peace. Your home is in the north.’”

Benji did not understand the word then. Friends he asked told him the “north” could possibly be Sembawang or even Jurong.

It was only after he married Amanda that he remembered the prophecy.

“North is Malaysia. We think we will probably have to go back north to Malaysia. We’re waiting for the right time,” said Benji.

Further sealing their union is the fact that Amanda’s two teenage children have grown to love Benji. But it was not always the case.

“From paktor (courtship) to when we could return to Penang, my son never spoke directly to Benji.

“My son was worried. He told me, ‘Better not to have (this relationship). Or else when you quarrel, you will cry.’ He may still have the fear from seeing me when I got divorced.”

Amanda’s daughter was a little more prepared.

“My daughter shared with me that a pastor went to our church in Malaysia and after church, she had supper with him. He suddenly said to her, ‘What happens if your mum told you she has a boyfriend?’

“God was preparing the way for her to accept it.”

What won the children’s hearts was Benji’s demonstration of love in action. When he visited them in their home in Malaysia, he spruced up the place for them.

“I packed up the whole house, repaired and fixed what was broken. I told them, ‘I have no time to paint the place for you. Next year I come back, I promise to do everything for you.’

“No matter that the two children are not mine. Our Christian DNA is the same. I will help them like they are mine.”

Said Amanda: “The children saw the love of a father.”

Benji is quite the handyman and that has brought him closer to Amanda’s children.

Now the children get along swimmingly with Benji whom they call “Uncle Benji”.

“I can give the girl a hug. We talk, we get along. Last year I bought paint and painted their whole house.”

Added Amanda: “Marriage is not just two of us. God is involved as well. Marriage is to mould us.

“Before, we had to have 5 Cs. From our experience, the most important C is Christ.”

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