A pastor said to me one time: “Being a pastor is a walk in a park.” He didn’t tell me that the park was Jurassic Park.

If you want everyone to like you, don’t be a pastor. Go sell ice-cream.

I’ve been betrayed, I’ve been abused, attacked, criticised, marginalised, stigmatised and I’ve been terrorised by those who call themselves Christians. If you don’t know how to handle betrayal and offences, you will not survive.

So how have I learnt to cope with all this pressure? Allow me to share some of my own experiences.

I went into full-time ministry “all in”

This is my 34th year in full-time ministry.

I can tell you without any fear of exaggeration: Not once in those 34 years have I ever thought of quitting. Not once.

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the phrase “all in” in the game of poker. It refers to that one moment when the player, whether out of confidence or recklessness or desperation, he bets all his chips on one single hand. It’s like do or die.

When I took this bungee step of faith into full-time ministry, I’ll tell you this, I was all in! I put all my eggs in one basket.

I recall one of the first things I did when I left my job was I gathered all my books and my notes and everything that could connect me with my secular employment, put them into a big trash bag, threw them away.

It was my way of saying to the Lord, “I don’t have a Plan B. If this doesn’t work, I’m in trouble.” I was never going back to the secular world. I had to grit my teeth and make sure that whatever happens, I would never look back.

Once you make that decision that you’re all in, it puts steel in your backbone and fire in your belly. And I’ll tell you this: I’m all in till the day I drop dead and die. I’m in no mood of retiring – not now, not yet, not ever – and you don’t ever see that word in the Bible.

“Without His grace, I wouldn’t be where I am today,” said Pastor Yang to an audience of church leaders.

Once you realise that quitting is not an option, it produces something in you called resilience. Resilience is the ability to roll with the punches and bounce back when you are knocked down by an opponent. It is a skill that all of us in this room have got to learn.

In ministry, you will be knocked down, but you’ve got to get up on your feet. And if you are still standing, it means that Satan has not yet won.

So when you’re going through the worst of circumstances in your life, you’ve got to learn to dig in, grit your teeth and bear with whatever comes your way, because quitting just ain’t an option.

You stay in the storm till He delivers you out of it, but you cannot try to save yourself. I have decided to follow Jesus, and for me that means no turning back.

I relied on God’s grace

There was so much opposition when we first moved into our current facility in Katong (which was formerly a night club).

One Sunday we came and there was a pig’s head with all the blood splattered right in front of the door. Another time we came and there was a massive chain around the gate. One time a man blocked all the floor traps, turned on the tap and flooded the foyer of the church.

I’ve been threatened with violence on so many occasions, threatened with knives, but here I am. I’m still standing, hallelujah.

If you are going to preach the gospel, my friends, there’s going to be opposition. But you’ve got to be stronger than the opposition.

But I want to make it crystal clear that without His grace, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Determination is good, but it’s not enough. Resilience is good, but it’s not enough. Strength is not enough. We need His grace. His grace is the divine energy that compensates for every lack in our lives.

Paul was knocked down by a messenger of Satan and he cried out three times for God to take this thing away. But the Lord said: “My grace is sufficient for you and my power is perfected in your weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I learnt to listen to the Holy Spirit in prayer

Not too long after we started the church, I came across a book by a man called George Barna who wrote The Power of Vision. In the book he mentioned that every church that desires to be successful ought to have a vision statement. So I said okay, let’s have a vision statement.

Boy, I was so proud of it because I thought this statement reflected our ideals and would be a rallying point for the people.

What a disappointment it turned out to be. Six months later, nobody even remembered it. Nobody was even talking about it.

One and a half years later my leaders and I attended a cell conference. We came back and were all pumped up about cell groups, so we revised our statement. Again, we were so proud of it.

Six months later, nobody even remembered it.

I was desperate. I was a young pastor and I needed a vision to galvanise the people. Then I read about the seeker-friendly church and the amazing success of a church in Illinois called Willow Creek.

In 1996, a few friends and I made a trip up to the United States to see if we could learn something from them. 

Willow Creek was at the time the third largest church in North America. I’d never seen a more amazing facility – it had an auditorium that could sit 7,000, the church staff exuded confidence and excellence, they had great programmes, their drama presentation was almost Broadway standard.

I came back to Singapore and we tried to implement this in our church. We tried to weave drama into our services, we had a more seeker-friendly environment.

Several months into this, nothing was happening in my church. The church was directionless, the services were drying up.

And this is how the Lord spoke to me – I’m paraphrasing, these were not the exact words He used. He said: “You will travel 10,000 miles to the United States to get a vision, but you won’t get down on your knees and ask Me?”

I got so convicted that I stood up in front of the whole church the next weekend and said: “I’m sorry. I’m wrong. I misled you.” And then we told the Lord we were sorry.

I tell you that service marked a turning point in our church as far as I was concerned. I began to understand that it’s only in the prayer room that you get to discern God’s will and God’s heart for your people.

I prioritised humility and obedience

Two years ago we made a deal to purchase another night club (to be converted into a church premise) – massive, bigger than the one that we currently have.

It was in the middle of town, walking distance from three train stations, 500 carpark lots, food, amenities all within walking distance. I tick the box, I tick the box, I tick the box, I tick the box and I say: “This is perfect for the church.”

We paid the deposit for the facility and after we paid the deposit, the Holy Spirit said: “You checked all the boxes, but you didn’t check Mine. If you go, I’m not going to bless you.”

I almost died. I’m telling you for days I was in my room and I was agonising. I said: “Lord, please come with us. Please come. If you are not going to come with us then what’s the point?”

But He said: “No. If you go this way, I will not bless you.”

I knew that I had to surrender to the will of God, because for me the presence of God is the most important thing. I couldn’t care less about people’s opinions about me. I want the presence of God.

So I called the owner and said: “Will you allow us to renege from the deal?” He said: “Yes, but you’ve got to compensate me $250,000.”

I said I’ll bite the bullet. I stood in front of the church and I told them that we were going to renege the deal. I said the responsibility is mine, I made the mistake. I thought I had heard from God. I bear full responsibility. I stand before you and I apologise.

Now I could do that with ease because I had humbled myself. It’s the first prayer I pray every single morning: A prayer to humble myself, to keep myself small in my own eyes, to remind myself where I came from and to ask the Lord to fill me with humility.

The wonderful miracle happened a few weeks later. I got a call from my staff. They said: “Pastor, there was a gentlemen who dropped by the church and he gave his name and he said there’s an envelope here for Pastor Yang.”

I open the envelope and there’s $350,000 from a man I’d not seen for 20 years. And the Holy Spirit said to me right at that moment: “Because you were obedient, I’ll pay the bill for this one.”

I spent time in Holy Communion and God’s Word

One of the things that has kept me going all these years is Holy Communion. I have Communion every single day. I make sure I am honouring the blood and the finished work of Jesus Christ on Calvary.

There’s something about Communion that connects you to the great eternal purposes of God. Every morning when I have Communion, there’s such a connection in the things of the Spirit.

“Make sure you have a devotional life that’s on fire,” Pastor Yang urged church leaders.

One other thing is that I don’t neglect my devotional time. You’ll find that if you distill the problems of any pastor in ministry, ultimately you’ll come to one point: They have stopped being in love with Jesus.

In Revelation 2-3, Jesus is looking at his seven beloved churches and He’s giving a diagnostic about those churches. This is how He said it: “I have this against you, that you’ve left your first love. I have this against you, that you are no longer hot or cold but lukewarm.”

Everything He said had to do somehow with the internal spiritual lives of the believers. That’s where all the problems start.

Make sure you have a devotional life that’s on fire. You’ve got to keep your devotional life hot for Jesus.

The only reason why I’m still on fire after all these years is because I’ve learnt to keep the fire burning. And that’s how you keep the fire burning: Stay in the presence of God.

This excerpt was taken with permission from APCCS’s Lift Conference on September 25, 2024. It has been edited for length and clarity.

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