Sister Gerard Fernandez was 36 when she walked with her first inmates to the gallows – Catherine Tan Mui Choo and Hoe Kah Hong, who helped temple medium Adrian Lim kill two children in the lurid Toa Payoh ritual murder case in the eighties.

For seven years, the Good Shepherd Sister visited them every week until their execution. This story was brought to life in a short film, Sister, which was screened at The Justice Conference Asia 2019 before Sr Gerard took the stage yesterday.

Gripped by how the film portrayed the intense emotions that surround death row counselling, the 350-strong audience sat in hushed silence, broken by occasional sniffles.

On Wednesday, the Roman Catholic nun became the first Singaporean to make the BBC’s annual list of 100 influential women from around the world.

Sr Gerard co-founded the Roman Catholic Prison Ministry in 1977 and worked with the prisons as a death row counsellor until two years ago. In the 40 years of ministry, she met 18 inmates on death row, including Filipino domestic worker Flor Contemplacion, who killed a fellow domestic worker and her four-year-old charge, and Australian heroin trafficker Nguyen Tuong Van.

Speaking in an interview-style session, Sr Gerard opened up on the thorny issues she’s faced when reaching out to “wicked” people.

What’s something that’s surprised you about prison ministry?

When I’m there walking with them in the last moments, I ask myself what am I doing? I asked a priest once, I’m there, we’re killing people, how can there be such peace, such joy on the part of the prisoner? What is it that makes this environment within the death row cells filled with so much joy and peace in those last moments?

And he said: “Sister, it’s because good has triumphed over evil. God comes into that place and it becomes a resting place for those inmates who are able to go peacefully and joyfully, and we’re allowed to do that for them.”

How do we love those like Catherine who did unlovable things?

By the way, she was my pupil so that made a difference. When I met her in prison, a few years after she left the vocational centre, the first thing she said to me was: “Sister, how can you love me when I’ve been so wicked and I’ve done so many wicked things?” And I said to her, who am I not to love you if God loves you?

She knew the extent of her evil deeds. But that moment comes, and it comes for many of us who’d made mistakes, when God, when the invasion of grace of new life hits them and they begin to say, yes I did wrong, I want to be forgiven, I want healing, I want to be made whole again, and that’s the moment when we counsellors can work and pray. And it’s not coming from us, it comes from the One above.

How do you reconcile the calling to help the inmates with the feelings of the victim’s family?

Agnes, the child that was murdered, her sister was working with us in the convent. Since this film, I’d wondered if I’d hurt the families in any way. At that time, they were really badly affected by the murder.

But 35 years later, after an article on me came out, Agnes’ aunt called me. Can you imagine how I felt? I asked her if the family is still around and I’d like to meet them. I’d like to apologise, I’d like to say sorry, I’d like to heal the hurt.

She said: “My brother is around and he has accepted what happened.” I called him and asked, are you affected by anything I did in reaching out to Catherine?

“No, Sister,” he said. “I’m so happy you did it, it was something wonderful that God arranged for you.”

What’s one message to take away after watching the film?

Healing and reconciliation. You don’t have to remain in your hurts and pain. There’s always our beautiful friend, Jesus, ready to stretch out His hand and say “I forgive you”. That’s a beautiful message that Catherine has left for us – it’s her openness in accepting that forgiveness that made her heal.

“Who am I not to love you if God loves you?”: Sr Gerard Fernandez on counselling death-row inmates