“I spent 1,227 days with a strange ‘companion’ who became a close friend”: His poems on Psalms accompanied him through life’s ups and downs
by Christine Leow // August 15, 2024, 3:25 pm
Now that he has completed his book of poems reflecting on Psalms, Dr Kenny Tan is considering a similar project for Proverbs.
On the morning of January 1, 2021, Associate Professor (Dr) Kenny Tan woke up with a fresh idea.
“I have been writing poems since 2019. When something strikes my interest, I will ponder the matter, then write about it.
“That morning, I thought I should do something more intentional. Since it was the first day of a new year, I decided I would start on a one-year project. I would reflect on the book of Psalms and write a poem each in response to each Psalm.”
Little did he expect the exercise would take him on a life journey.
Songs for life’s journey
Writing poetry is nothing new to Dr Tan, the CEO of St Luke’s ElderCare (SLEC). He has four poetry books to his name. What’s more, he thought he had been generous in his calculations. There are 150 Psalms and 365 days. He figured he could go at a leisurely pace of one psalm every few days.
He was wrong. It would take him three and a half years to complete his reflections.
“I ended on May 12, 2024. I spent 1,227 days with a ‘strange’ companion who eventually became a close friend,” said Dr Tan of his contemplation on the Psalms and his response to each with a poem or “personal life song”.
He was wrong about yet another thing. The resulting 150 poems would not remain a personal reflection as he had originally planned. It is now a book – his fifth – entitled Life Songs – Journeying Through the Psalms.
Dr Tan, who is also the Board Chairman of Eagles Mediation & Counselling Centre (EMCC), has donated the book to the not-for-profit company for fundraising. For every $60 donation, a copy of Life Songs will be given. Every $120 donated goes to supporting one subsidised counselling session for lower-income clients.
EMCC offers mediation and counselling services to bring hope to individuals and families going through relational, emotional and mental health challenges. The organisation also offers training and education programmes.
Of his decision to make a book of it for EMCC, Dr Tan said: “I thought: Maybe I should put it together because going through the Psalms is like having someone journey with you. This is similar to what EMCC does – we journey with people.”
The tumultuous years
The years it took Dr Tan to complete the poetic reflections were full of personal ups and downs. This made the Psalms even more meaningful to him.
“The journey was a really interesting one. We were still recovering from the impact of COVID; there were ups and downs at work.”
To a portfolio that was already jam-packed – Dr Tan is not only the CEO of SLEC, he is also an Associate Professor with the Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT) and was, at the time, pursuing a Doctorate in Transformational Leadership at Bakke Graduate University, having earned a Master in Counselling and an Med – he added one more item.
“Through seasons of fruitfulness and drought, the Psalms awakened and soothed my emotions.”
In October of 2022, he became the senior pastor of Zion Gospel Mission. It was not a decision that he made lightly and the new responsibility came with a price. He had to give up his PhD because it was just too much working full-time, studying part-time and preaching regularly.
“We make certain choices,” he said with a wry smile.
“When you take on new things, there is a lot of turmoil. The Psalms made a lot of sense because I was going through this ‘I don’t want, I can’t but You can.’
“Psalms is like that. The psalmist will complain, scold his enemies but it always ends with God. Even in the lamentations, there is a sense of God.”
Wrote Dr Tan in the book’s prologue: “Each poem was inspired by life itself – as the Psalms became a regular companion, sojourning with me through bright and dark days, across the mountain peaks and deep valleys of life.
“Through seasons of fruitfulness and drought, the Psalms awakened and soothed my emotions with their life-giving and hope-inspiring words.”
A companion and a teacher
Dr Tan had planned to write on a Psalm every few days. But his plans did not always pan out.
“Certain days, I could reflect on two to three Psalms and the poems would come.
“Some Psalms took up to two weeks. I just couldn’t write anything because maybe I was just empty inside or struggling with a thought in the Psalm I couldn’t reconcile.”
One that he struggled a lot with was Psalm 100. In the end, he wrote a single poignant line – Let silence be the last resort. That became his favourite poem.
“Guard my heart, guard my mind that pride doesn’t take over.”
“It’s not a super poem. But it was the simplicity of that thought, the cry of surrender. If you cannot say anything, just pray out to God, that is good enough.
“That was one of the greatest epiphanies.”
Indeed, each poem is “my personal story”, maintained Dr Tan. The raw emotions and honesty, a soul laid bare attest to this. In the three-odd years, he found comfort in the Psalms.
“Very often you feel alone in the journey, especially in leadership. You may feel not understood or misunderstood.
“When you go through the Psalms, they are just full of that, too.”
Within the Book of Psalms, Dr Tan also found wisdom.
“The Psalms are so real, so authentic. To the psalmist, it was just a reflection of failed humanity before a perfect God.
“Reflecting on Psalms and writing my own poems allowed me to slip under the skin of the psalmist. I learnt how to be real before God.”
“I’m feeling a little lost. I have been wondering: Should I do Proverbs?”
Recently, Dr Tan turned 50. As he looked back on all that he had done, he remembered King David who had written many of the Psalms. As king, David had amassed much power.
“At 50, I had also these accolades, these awards. At one point, I said to God, ‘You have put me in this space, promoted me to this position. Guard my heart, guard my mind that pride doesn’t take over.’”
At worship in church one day, Dr Tan realised that all that he had achieved needed to be surrendered to God.
“Even if we think we have so much to give to God, it is really rags. Yet He takes it and just restores it. The journey of reflecting through the Psalms has taught me to rethink life and its meaning and purpose.”
Now that the book has been completed, Dr Tan also has to leave his ‘companion’ of over three years.
“I’m feeling a little lost. I have been wondering: Should I do Proverbs?”
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