“This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.” Luke 2:24-25 (emphasis author’s).

Verse 25 of Luke 2 used to perplex me as a kid reading it in Sunday school. It sounded like a terrible prophecy this old man Simeon delivered to Mary: That Jesus was going to be a troublemaker, and Mary was going to have a hard time handling Him. Gee, thanks Uncle.

But being a tween at the time, I paid it no mind thereafter. I mean, mothers are meant to have a hard time with their teenagers, right? My relationship with my own mother at that point only supported this belief.

When I became a mother myself, at the age of 32, motherhood carried a heroic glow about it. I was pregnant during the era where a baby was the most sought-after accessory and breastfeeding was fashionable. I was editor of a fashion magazine at that point, and enjoyed the admiration of supermodels as they rubbed my rounded belly. (One of my proudest moments was when I brought my six-month-old to a press conference for Cindy Crawford and she carried him for a photo.)

The start of motherhood for me was glamorous and fun. It was designer baby outfits and matching shoes. Yes, my firstborn came out four weeks early and we could not establish a nursing routine – something that caused me to fall into post-partum depression believing that I was depriving my precious son of the most important thing of all: Feeding him from the breast. I thought I had endured the worst pain a mother could.

Little did I know.

Now, having been a mother for 27 years, I can safely confirm that motherhood is not glamorous and fun. It is a path that promises pain on every level: Physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, fiscal.

As I started thinking about Mother’s Day, it struck me that the mothers in the Bible had a hard time one way or another. 

I suppose it all began after the Fall when God told Eve in Genesis 3:16, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth; in pain you will give birth to children.” The reality is, the pain starts when you go into contractions, and it doesn’t stop till one of you dies.

Motherhood, a ministry of pain

We need look no further than Jesus’ own mother. Called to be the carrier of the Man who would save the world, she said yes. She was a mere teenager. She bore the shame of being pregnant out of wedlock. She bore the humiliation of Joseph’s rejection. And the Baby hadn’t even come yet at this point.

So many prophecies were made about this Child – grand ones and gut-wrenching ones – starting from the day the angel appeared to Mary in Luke 1:25-56.

He declared: “Don’t be afraid, Mary; God has shown you his grace. Listen! You will become pregnant and give to a son, and you will name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of King David, his ancestor. He will rule over the people of Jacob forever, and his kingdom will never end.”

This must have sounded great. What an honour to be the one selected to give birth to this Child who would be King!

When the shepherds related to Mary and Joseph what the angels had said about Jesus, Luke 2:18-19 tells us “all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” 

To hear these grand pronouncements about one’s child can be disconcerting. He’s just a baby. Then to hear that a sword will pierce her soul – what mother likes to hear such ominous predictions?

When I read these passages now, it strikes me that Mary must have been terrified. It was clear from the point of conception that Jesus was going to be a very special child.

She would have been concerned about what sort of future her son was going to have. All she had was the pronouncement of the angel that her child would have a victorious future – but what that meant and how it was going to happen, she would have had no idea.

How many of us feel the same way about our newborns? We look into their soft faces and we melt on the inside. We cannot imagine this little human causing any conflict or ruling over any people. But we are more than aware that they will grow up, and that we have no control over their ultimate future.

Mary exercised wisdom: She pondered all that was said about Jesus in her heart. Some of us do this too: Our child might have been born with a disability, or with everything going for him. We don’t want to say too much, to tell even close friends, because sometimes that just brings on more questions or misplaced “helpful suggestions” leading to full blown anxiety attacks. It can be very lonely raising a special child – whether he is gifted in a way the world celebrates or in a way the world does not accept.

So we hear those things that are said about our child – “Your son is abnormally quiet in class”, “Your daughter is too disruptive, she must have ADHD”, “Your kid is gifted, better quickly sign him up for the Mensa test” – and we keep them in our hearts. 

We hope things will turn out for the best. We pray our child will not have to experience pain. But deep down, we know one day we will have to face all those things we have kept in our hearts, and that may not be easy or pleasant.

When my youngest child was found to have speech delay at the age of three, a terrible dread filled my heart. I knew somehow it was going to be a condition she would have to deal with for life. A few years later, she was diagnosed with a disorder called Development Language Disorder. She underwent speech therapy from the age of three to 14. I thank God for all her wonderful therapists and school teachers who were so patient with her, who took time and trouble to work with her. 

I remember reading the only book I could find on her condition. In it were pronouncements from experts in this field that individuals with DLD have very little chance of succeeding in life, because of their inability to comprehend the full scope of what they are hearing or reading. I remember that plunged me into a despair so deep, I never touched that book again.

Today my child is 19. She has turned out to be so much more capable and intelligent than I dared hope. Life is not perfect for her – she is slower in learning and she still struggles to understand some social situations and to find the correct behavioural response to them. I do sometimes find myself thinking: Will she be okay at 29, 39, 49 when I’m no longer around? Will people accept her? Will she be able to hold down a job?

I pray hard that what I read in that book will not happen to my kid. But sometimes, this thing I have hidden in my heart (till right now writing it for all to read) surfaces.

So I think, watching Simeon’s prophecy about Jesus take place must have ripped Mary’s heart into pieces, even though she knew it was all the will of God. 

As she watched her son falsely accused, whipped, shamed, nailed to the Cross and die, his side pierced by a spear, Simeon’s prophecy had come to pass – the pain she felt must have been as searing as a sword piercing her own soul.

Pain management for mothers

To every mother reading this today, Happy Mother’s Day! For mothers who have children who have planned a lovely lunch, or bought your favourite cake and flowers, who make you feel loved and treasured – you are blessed!

But I also am thinking this weekend of the mothers who have suffered hard and long, whose children may be old now but are still struggling with chronic problems: Drugs, gambling, things you once thought they would get over but now, you’re not so sure.

I think of the mothers who don’t know where their child is today, whose children have not spoken to them for years, whose children have chosen to live life as if their mother is dead. 

I conclude that pain is simply part of motherhood  – some experience it more intensely, some in more challenging ways, but all of us mothers know pain.

As I probed the Bible for Mary’s encounters and years with Jesus, I am repeatedly brought back to that first encounter with the angel in Luke 1. That very first prophetic word about Jesus spoken to Mary must have been what gave her strength for the next 33 years (plus nine months) to hold on and to carry on.

1. “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.” (Luke 1:28)

There must have been many moments in her life as a mother that Mary felt far from highly favoured. She didn’t even have a proper place to give birth to this baby! When she had to backtrack to the temple to find her missing boy (Luke 2:41-52), his reply was soul-crushing (at least to me): ““Why were you searching for me? Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” (Luke 2:49) Mary didn’t understand what Jesus was saying. It must have been so frustrating.

But in times like these, Mary must have clung on to what the angel told her: She was highly-favoured by God. The Lord was with her. This kid was not a mistake. She was chosen to raise Him.

Likewise, before my daughter was conceived, God revealed her to me in a dream. I saw a golden sonogram of an extremely cute foetus. When I woke up, I could still see the ultrasound in my mind – I still can see it today – and I knew it meant we would have a third child and she was ordained of God. As it turned out, the Lord also spoke to my husband confirming this that very same night.

Throughout all the years of tears, whenever I feel discouraged, I recall that golden sonogram, and take comfort in the fact that she was God’s idea from the start, so I can trust He has a plan for her.

2. “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God.” (Luke 1:30)

We know the phrases “Do not fear”, “Fear not”, “Do not be afraid” appear in the Bible many times (maybe not 365 times as many preachers say). I reason that God put it there so many times because we tend to fear a lot.

Fear is a sneaky thing. It sometimes comes in the form of due diligence. Other times it looks like fact-finding. But for me, the minute I feel that damp feeling creeping up my stomach, I know I am facing fear.

Why did the angel tell Mary not to be afraid because she had found favour with God? When we have found favour with God, we know He’s on our side and He will fight our battles. 

The phrasing “Do not” really is a command. I take it that, like Mary, I am not allowed to fear. 

There have been countless times fear has filled my mind, many nights I failed to sleep because my daughter’s future (or lack of) consumed me. But every time I brought all these thoughts captive to Christ, I heard the same words, again and again: “Fear not, I am with you, I am with her.”

Fear is a choice – this is what I have learned as a mother. And I must make the right choice every time.

3. “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you.” (Luke 1:35)

Mary became pregnant with Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit. I am convinced this same Holy Spirit strengthened her and kept her going, and that the power of the Most High was upon her when she had to endure his death on the Cross.

Motherhood is such a difficult task – I feel we, believers, are so blessed that we get to do it with the Holy Spirit. I can’t imagine living life, much less raising children,, without His empowering.

There have been times when I run out of words to pray for my child. That’s when the Holy Spirit takes over and intercedes on my behalf. I think now of the days during primary school when every day was war – she would take six hours to finish her homework every day, by which time both of us are angry, in tears, and I often have a series of bite marks down my arm.

Every single day I would pray in the Spirit and ask the Holy Spirit to come and help us both. I still do.

4. “For no word from God will ever fail.” (Luke 1:37)

To Mary, this must have been the ultimate reminder that whatever God had told her was sure to happen: “His kingdom will never end”. She might not have know what kingdom, but it was a done deal. It was likely the word she would have come back to when things looked the complete opposite of a kingdom that will never end.

When my daughter entered secondary school, things became exponentially harder. The worst thing was, what confidence she still had in primary school completely evaporated in Secondary 1.

She failed every single subject except Art that year. I knew this system of learning was not going to work out for her. I asked her teachers if she would have to repeat Sec 1, and the answer was no. They would push her up to Sec 2, where she had zero chance of catching up with whatever she failed to learn in Sec 1.

In 2019, when she was in Sec 1, I went to the School of Theology for six months. I told the Lord I needed Him to open a door for my child to go to a school with a different system, a non-mainstream school. His reply to me was: “Look for her in my Word.”

Bible school students had to read the whole Book in four months. It was a great opportunity to find my daughter in God’s word. After three months and lots of futile Googling, I still had nothing. Until one day when I was sitting at my desk re-reading the Book of Isaiah.

“All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace.” Isaiah 54:13

The words leapt right into my soul, where they burned and continue to burn today. I felt God’s assurance and love flood through my mind and my heart. My favourite part was that she was going to be taught by God Himself! My second favourite part was that there will be peace in her learning.

At the end of 2020, a friend told us about a private school with a Christian curriculum that let students self-study and progress at their own pace. By the start of 2021, she had found her place in a new school where she was (still is) literally taught by the Lord. 

Within three weeks, she told me: “For the first time in my life, I think I might actually succeed in school.”

Her journey is not over, and neither is mine. But as I hold on to the truth that no word from God will ever fail, I know that great will be my daughter’s peace.

A prayer for mothers:

Father, we thank you for the gift of motherhood. It is a high calling, even though it comes with pain. Bless every mother who reads this, encourage her and strengthen her, remind her that You are the One who have enabled her to be a mother. You are the One who helps her to finish her race well. Every struggle, every pain, every distress we bring to You, trusting You for the answer and the healing. May every mother’s heart be filled with the joy that only You can bring. Bless every child. Heal every broken relationship. Let this be truly a happy Mother’s Day, in Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

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