Growing up, life for Dr Janice Soo was carefree. Her favourite moments were spent playing “Freeze and Ice” with her siblings at the void deck. She navigated the academic world with ease, enrolling in NUS High School at the age of 13 and dreaming of becoming a doctor, or lawyer, or teacher.

Life was smooth sailing until Dr Janice’s teenage years.

It was the first time she needed to study intensively to keep up with her peers. She was 16 and in her fourth year at NUS High School when she received a phone call that changed her life completely.

“Come now, he is dying,” her father said, voice shaking.

Dr Janice’s grandfather, or Gong Gong as she lovingly called him, was in his last moments. By the time she rushed to Tan Tock Seng Hospital, Gong Gong had passed on. His three-year fight with end-stage lung cancer had come to an end.

Life’s first loss, redeemed

Amidst the tears shed, Dr Janice learnt that the hospice care team at HCA Hospice did its best to make Gong Gong’s last days as comfortable as possible. They titrated morphine to help with his breathlessness, standing by the family through their darkest period.

It was this knowledge that sparked Dr Janice’s interest in the dignity of medical care, especially through hospice care. “I wanted to serve in the way that the nurses and doctors did for my family,” Dr Janice told Salt&Light.

When she turned 18, Dr Janice decided to volunteer with HCA Day Hospice. An average day involved preparing meals for terminally-ill patients, befriending them and listening to their life stories.

Dr Janice’s encounters with the patients left her wondering how the patients were able to have peace with their terminal condition. “I saw so much joy and peace.”

Gong’s Gong’s death opened Dr Janice’s eyes to grief. It was her first loss in life. But through it, she found new joy in helping others and spreading love through hospice care.

God in the valley

In 2013, Dr Janice decided to pursue medicine and began her journey at the NUS Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine.

She was in her second year of studies when news of the earthquake in Nepal shook the world. Reports of the disaster dominated news bulletins. The damage was devastating – almost 9,000 deaths and 22,000 injured.

Dr Janice’s heart broke. The suffering of the earthquake victims brought her back to her grandfather’s suffering in his final days. She had to do something.

Dr Janice stayed in this medical camp in Kathmandu, Nepal.

A week later, Dr Janice found herself in Kathmandu, where she volunteered to be part of the Crisis Relief Centre. What greeted her upon arrival was shocking.

“The place was strewn with debris and buildings were all destroyed. The people were frightened and traumatised,” Dr Janice shared with Salt&Light. “Everyone slept in tents as they were afraid that they’d be crushed by concrete if there was an aftershock.”

During the relief operations after the Nepal earthquake, she saw as many as 600 patients a day.

During one aftershock, Dr Janice recalled vividly the fear on people’s faces as they started jumping out of a moving bus. “One was so injured that he eventually lost his pulse and didn’t make it,” she said.

The devastation stretched beyond the city to the rural areas of Nepal. She was in a valley that was wrecked by the earthquake and the landslides that followed. Scenes of people carrying the bodies of their loved ones are etched in her mind to this day.

Caring for patients in Kathmandu, Dr Janice developed a newfound desire to deliver healthcare to the less privileged.

In her short trip there, Dr Janice saw over 600 patients in a day. She was exhausted to the bone, but the sight of the green pastures in the valley reminded her of Psalm 23.

“I remember God’s hand and providence through the journey. I praise Him for seeing me through. He was at the centre of the whole trip,” Dr Janice said. It also sparked new dreams for the young doctor.

A hand in the darkness

The mission trip changed Dr Janice’s perspective on medicine. Seeing how the Nepalese children and their families struggled with grief and loss, she wanted to make medical care more accessible to the underprivileged. 

An opportunity to do just this appeared in the form of HCA Starpals, a branch of HCA Hospice. “It’s a service dedicated to improving the quality of life for children and minors up to 19 years of age who have life-threatening or life-limiting conditions,” Dr Janice explained. 

She volunteers as a Medi Minder there, providing respite care for caregivers by taking over their role and befriending the child.

Dr Janice’s first patient was a 12-year-old who was diagnosed with Eisenmenger Syndrome. The blood flow in her heart and lungs was irregular. Her condition meant that she could not be operated on and was placed under palliative care.

The young girl struggled with breathlessness but refused oxygen support. Instead of chiding her, Dr Janice decided to dig deeper. “I found out that she refused oxygen because it meant to her that she was sick and dying,” Dr Janice said.

It opened her eyes to the child’s deep seated fears.

Her strategy changed. Dr Janice decided to accompany her patient to watch movies and to do things the young girl enjoyed. “I wanted her to feel like she was a child again. This helped her to get away from the tension and grief,” she said. Her patient’s family also welcomed the respite and rest.

When the girl passed on, the family grieved, but did so in gratefulness that they did not go through this period of darkness alone. 

Not my strength, Lord, but yours

Dr Janice has witnessed the suffering of children and vulnerable people more than most of us. And she makes no bones about it. “Yes, I do question God: Why is there so much suffering in this world?”

While she doesn’t yet have an answer, she is reminded of God’s sovereignty throughout her life, and chooses to be a conduit of God’s grace to others.

In keeping with her burden to bring medical access to the underprivileged, she is now pursuing her residency in Emergency Medicine at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital (KKH).

In her medical practice, she relies not on her own strength but on God’s. Science, she has realised, does not have all the answers.

“Looking to the future, we may have many questions. But looking back on my life, and how God guided me through and led me, I know God has His reasons and good plans.”