Loving and living with a dual-diagnosed individual for over two decades has tested Jane Parisi’s resolve, causing her to question God in her most trying moments and to want to give up on life herself.

When she was informed that her daughter would soon be evicted from the group home where she was undergoing treatment, “I felt turbulence and chaos within me”.

Since then, Jane has been sitting under a sermon series in her church on being “hope-carriers”. Stirred by her pastor’s challenge to the congregation to pinpoint parts of their lives that they needed to surrender to God, she shared the following with Salt&Light.

Sometimes as parents we carry the guilt of the “what ifs” but there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). It is okay to shed my tears even though I have been down this heartbreaking road of uncertainty many times over; my heart is not calloused because of it.

God’s teaching moment is that though I may not like it and fear her wandering the streets yet again, He just needs me to let go and trust that He will care for His precious child so much better than I can.

It is okay for me to be tearful yet at peace through Christ who will provide me strength.

I can be at peace because He is in control of the situation as I surrender my will, my emotional state of mind, and my desire to find solutions to fix the situation.

So, here I am again with my arms stretched wide open towards heaven, surrendering my control to our Father. I may not know the plan, but letting go and letting God is a must, no matter how much I want to take over and handle her situation myself. God gently reminded me that my word for 2022 was “Trust”, and it doesn’t stop just because it is 2023. Now, more than ever, I need to trust in Him!

Jane (centre) with her arms around her daughter’s son (front right), whom she formally adopted and raised. Her daughter is standing behind them. Photo courtesy of Jane Parisi.

A mother’s cry

I may not understand an addict’s mind or why they choose to continue down this self-destructive path, and I may never know, but I know the deep anguish of a mother’s heart. It is devastating.

And I feel hurt and angry toward the people who got her started on drugs, but I know she ultimately decided to continue.

I grieve over the loss of dreams and goals for my daughter, but God can work miracles, and He does incline His ear to the prayers of a mother’s heart.

I know God loves her infinitely more than I ever could because she was His first. He knows her heart, struggles, and demons she’s been battling for over 20 years. I can only pray earnestly and love her from afar until she sets herself free and seeks God’s help.

Even though I want to help her, I am not trained or equipped to do so. And I have failed, as evidenced by my previous exhaustive efforts.

I am not God; I need to step out of the lane and let Him handle it. At this crucial moment of her journey, God is her only Deliverer.

The Father’s heart

I can’t assume how God feels when He sees our wrong choices that lead to harmful consequences.

Still, if it’s anything like the distress I am feeling as a mother, agonising over what her daughter is doing, where she is, if she is okay, if she is safe, where she is laying her head down to sleep, if she is eating, or if she is hurt, then I can only gather it must be just as painfully heartbreaking for our Father in heaven watching our actions.

How must He feel, when we raise our hand towards heaven and proverbially say, “Talk to the hand, God; I’m doing things my way”?

Since God is a gentleman who allows us the freedom of choice, He, too, must watch us sadly as we choose and make destructive decisions, just as we watch our child travelling down the path of self-destruction, feeling helpless.

The grace of surrender

I am, however, comforted, at peace, as I surrender my daughter to God to do “His thing” with her, believing in miracles and His word when it says in Isaiah 53:5: ” … by His stripes, we are healed.”

I have faith that His healing hands will touch and restore her mind, emotions, physical body, and soul one day.

I have hope for her complete restoration, and what the enemy has meant for evil, God will use to help others for His glory! The enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10), but we can crush him under our feet through Christ Jesus!

Her willingness to surrender to God and professionals who are experts in dual diagnoses can assist to free her from the desire and lure of drugs and the mental demons tormenting her.

I pray for her strength to fight for her life and continually ask God to always put a hedge of protection around her. I may never see her fully restored, but God’s peace that surpasses all understanding is what I cling to and trust in Him completely.

I lift everyone in prayer facing this same battle with your loved ones. We have hope, and His name is Jesus!