With tears in her eyes, Aunty Lois, a staff of Tamar Village (YWAM’s ministry to the red-light district) lamented: “Grace, when I go up to heaven, I want to see your name there.”

Grace*, who was used to watching her deepest fears realised in a brutal and uncaring world, was stunned that someone would cry for her.

A sullied past

Seven years ago, Grace’s life was a perpetual mess. Unable to repress her uncontrollable desires, or even act in her own self-interest, she indulged in worldly pleasures.

Instead of bringing her much needed comfort, they vanquished her joy and left her struggling with depression and suicidal tendencies.

Her compulsive dependence on drugs, smoking, drinking and illicit relationships easily trumped both her reason and her morality.

Raised in a dysfunctional family, normalcy was associated with violent fights that saw her parents fling chairs and tables at each other. She seldom saw her six older siblings who had either moved out or were busy gambling.

Life at home inevitably created a void in her heart that she did not know how to fill.

Seeking solace

But under Aunty Lois’ benevolent and intentional watch, Grace would soon familiarise herself with a radical love that was long denied her.

 They would run into each other near Grace’s apartment in Geylang and Grace would accompany Aunty Lois on her street walks, astounded by the immense kindness she dispensed to the street ladies.

“Even though they cheat her and lie to her, she keeps helping them. No one can be that stupid, right? Why does she still do it?” she thought.

This was an incomprehensibly stark contrast to the world she knew where money always triumphed over welfare.

When her mother died, she sought solace in her friend’s home in China, in the hope that it would be a safe place to grieve. But her friend’s mother chased her away with harsh words: “If you have money, then you can talk loud. If not, shut up.”

Upon returning, her friends in the back alleys of Geylang cheated her of the little money she had for rent. In desperation, she took the risk and became a loan shark runner. The money earned was substantial but she would spend it as quickly as it came, on every distraction that could obliterate her overwhelming pain.

Grace would soon discover that the truest luxury is a revelation of God, and God met her with His truth and comfort.

Whilst smoking in a back alley one day, she looked up at the swirling smoke and saw an image of the Father playing with a little girl, swinging her in the air. Grace realised that this was God’s heart for her – she was His little girl in whom He delighted.

God intervenes

Divine intervention continued to shine with candour in Grace’s life.

Caught red-handed for the illegal handling of work permits to Chinese street ladies, Grace should have been sentenced to at least three to seven years in prison. But fervent intercession by the team at Tamar Village demonstrated that the prayers of saints can mitigate one’s ineluctable fate.

She remembers the parole officer telling her: “This case, you confirm supposed to go to jail one. Don’t know why it was dropped. You better go be a good person from now on.”

As she committed her life to Jesus, Grace’s life began to change.

The seduction of illegal businesses lost its allure and she eventually left the trade. Drugs, smoking and drinking also became a lifestyle of the past.

But the process was not easy and she took years to overcome the temptations of her old life. She gave up many times and ran away, but her huge church community constantly encouraged her to persevere, rejoicing every time she walked back to God.

True self

Aunty Alice, a staff at YWAM, fostered her and became her spiritual mother. With the support of those walking alongside her, Grace did DTS (Discipleship Training School) at YWAM Singapore and her heart opened wide to the mission field.

As she taught and played with the village children in the city of Palembang, Indonesia, she felt a joy she had never felt before. She realised that happiness and contentment were not as elusive as she was led to believe.

Currently a DTS staff, a deep sense of joy has gradually introduced itself into her life especially when she is out on the field.

Grace now knows that God is her Father, and to see Him is to know that His kind of life is the only one worth living.

Out of the moments of her secret grief and pain, He calls her to the self He would have her become.

*Grace’s name has been changed to protect her identity.

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