When Phase 2 (Heightened Alert) kicked in, Jason Wong, 38, returned to working fully from home. Compared to working at home only on alternate weeks, which had been the practice of his office, he found he had more time with his three children aged three to seven.

“You are working but there will be micro pockets of time when you take a small break and the children are there.

“So, you do something intentional with them,” said Wong to Salt&Light.

It also helped that his oldest child stayed home to do Home-Based Learning (HBL) and, soon after, the June school holidays rolled around.

“Accessibility increases the interaction and that can be quite meaningful.

“You see what they are doing – building something, doing their work or arts and craft – and you help. When they play doctor, you are the patient. Or when they are zoo keepers, you are the pig or the horse.”

The family has been without a domestic helper since the end of last year. Being at home has also given Wong a chance to see his wife manage both the household and the children.

“It is not easy for mum to do all with three kids, come up with some schedule for them, and have intentional play and learning, and still do the laundry and cooking.

“This season has helped me to appreciate my wife a lot more seeing what she has to handle, what with the non-stop questions from the kids.

“So, I have helped out a lot more in the house in terms of housework because I am around more.”

Wong’s experience is borne out by the results of a Focus on the Family Singapore survey involving more than 350 dads released yesterday (June 16) ahead of Father’s Day.    

Pandemic fathers

According to the survey, one year into the Covid-19 outbreak, some families in Singapore have learnt to make the best of a challenging situation.

The recent tightened measures – Phase 2 (Heightened Alert) – have given families more time at home so that more than half (53%) of the fathers said that they had grown closer to their children. More than two in five (41%) dads have also increased their involvement at home.

First-time dad Daniel Lim, 28, is one of the involved dads. His daughter, now six months old, may be considered a “Covid-19 baby”. Daniel and his wife Joy found out they were going to be parents on the first day of the Circuit Breaker last year.

From the start, Daniel worked to be there for Joy and the baby.

“As a Christian, I believe that life begins at conception. So, ever since I knew my daughter was conceived, I have behaved like a father,” he told Salt&Light.

Daniel Lim with his wife, Joy, and their six-month-old daughter who is just learning to crawl. Being an involved dad is something Lim firmly believes in and he has been there for his child since she was conceived. Photo courtesy of Daniel Lim.

Life plans, travel schedules and work aspirations were shifted to accommodate the new addition to the family.

“I started reserving my leave so I could take all of them at one go (when the baby was born).

“I went to every gynae appointment with my wife and saw every single ultrasound. I heard my baby’s first heart beat and, in one of the ultrasounds at week 18, I saw my daughter yawning and stretching.

“I’m very thankful that I didn’t miss out on precious moments like these.”

Explained Head of Research and Development at Focus Singapore, Elisa Ng: “We are seeing perhaps the breaking down of stigmas surrounding fatherhood and normalising what fatherhood looks like juggling both work and family.”

More than a third (36%) of dads said they grew closer to their wives during Covid-19.

Evolving roles

However, the pandemic has brought fresh fathering challenges as well.

Two of the top three concerns fathers had were related to the situation created by Covid-19.

Heading the list of dad concerns was the health and safety of their family (67%). The perennial challenge of balancing work and family came in second at 53%. Leading the family through these uncertain times that may then result in tensions at home was third with 33%. 

Wong knows what it is like when the virus comes dangerously near. He lives next to the Bukit Merah View market which is the site of the latest Covid-19 cluster. As of the time of this article, the cluster had grown to 39 cases.

He has chosen to turn the incident into a teachable moment for his children.

“We know quite a lot of aunty and uncle hawkers there. So, we explained to the children how difficult it must be for them so they would learn compassion and empathy for others.

“We saw it as a good time to teach values.”

One in five dads recognised that it was important that they be more involved but were not able to do so because of, among other things, the demands of work.

Asked what support they would need to help them be more involved, time was top on the dads’ wish list.

Altogether 47% wanted more time to spend with their children. Flexi-work arrangements was the other support they desired (41%). Following closely behind was the ability to manage their children’s behaviours and problems which got 39% of votes.

Said Ng: “The extended quantity and quality family time seems to have brought about an increase in desire for even more time with their family through flexible work arrangements.

“This displaces ‘earning more money to provide for the family’ as one of the top three things. This can help them become more involved.”

To lend a hand to fathers, Focus on the Family Singapore started the Stronger with Dad campaign. There are resources for dads to become better fathers and husbands. Also included in the campaign are stories and comics to encourage fathers and their families, and give voice to the often unspoken needs of fathers.

Ng added: “Through our Father’s Day campaign, we want to recognise how fathers continue to grow and evolve to strengthen their family, despite facing personal challenges or even when they are not always appreciated.

“Consistent recognition of dad’s family involvement, coupled with healthy and supportive workplace cultures, will go far in helping fathers embrace career and fatherhood equally and, ultimately, re-shaping the future of fatherhood.”

Stronger with Dad

In spite of the demands and challenges, 61% of the fathers reported that they were doing well. They scored their well-being – physical, emotional and mental – an average of nearly seven out of 10. Only 13% of dads said they were not doing well, scoring their well-being a four and below.

Most dads also enjoyed fatherhood (86%) with nearly seven in 10 (68%) satisfied with how they were doing as fathers. A majority (76%) were also confident that they were good fathers.

Said Ng: “Compared to mothers, fathers are more satisfied and more confident about how they are doing in their roles. 

“Fathers definitely bring a sense of optimism to the family, which makes the increasing closeness they experience with their children and wives through this pandemic all the more valuable as they play a critical role in the emotional well-being of their family.

“The fact that 80% of them feel confident in caring for their family’s well-being and strengthening their family’s relationship through the pandemic augurs well.” 

Indeed, research says that the mental health and well-being of a father can impact his relationship with his wife and children and, therefore, affect the well-being of the family.

So, the Stronger with Dad campaign aims to encourage, appreciate and affirm fathers for stepping up and caring for their families even as they juggle other responsibilities.

Even as dads did more, they continued to see themselves in traditional roles. Teaching values and discipline (67%), and being the breadwinner (43%) were the top two primary roles in which the fathers saw themselves.

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