Five years ago, God issued May Lim a challenge.

“Forgive him as I forgave you.  Love him just as I have loved you.” May, now 50, heard these words entering her heart in the midst of deep anguish and tears.

At that point, May had discovered that her husband, Lim Cheng Kwan, was having an affair. Unbeknownst to her, he had, in fact, been unfaithful to her all the years they had known each other.

Before they got together he was already addicted to pornography. When they got married in 1993, his addiction only grew, until he finally entered into an affair with a prostitute.

May had always trusted her husband, until she had a sudden thought to look at what he had spent on his credit card. When she confronted him about an unusual expense, he brushed her off.

She found irrefutable proof on his phone soon enough. Emotionally devastated, May made the decision to divorce Cheng Kwan. But God changed her mind.

Powerless against sexual sin

Cheng Kwan was 11 years old when he began to explore pornography. What he thought was a harmless experience turned into a lifestyle that entrapped him for decades.

He and his friends “went from talking about masturbation to trying it, and I got hooked,” Cheng Kwan recounted. Whenever the urge to gratify himself arose, he would give in. 

Cheng Kwan thought the compulsion would stop when he was in a relationship or got married.

It did not.

Cheng Kwan’s addiction to pornography began in primary school. It grew into a sex addiction in his adult years, and culminated in a full-fledged affair.

When vivacious Cheng Kwan and soft-spoken May met in 1992 as teenagers in school, they started a relationship very quickly, and accepted Jesus into their lives at a church camp.

Despite turning to Jesus as Saviour, Cheng Kwan did not turn away from his sexual sin. With neither discipleship nor a Christian community around him, he wandered from God after a few years. 

“But I always knew I belonged to God and that God was with me,” he said. 

After a year of courtship, Cheng Kwan and May got married just before they turned 20, and subsequently had two children.

The father of two not only continued to indulge in pornography and masturbation, he progressed from magazines to videos. Then he began to frequent hostess bars. 

Cheng Kwan was tormented by the sin he knew he was committing against his wife. However, he convinced himself he could have the best of both worlds as long as he brought home the bacon and spent time with his family.

His spiral into sexual addiction eventually took him to the red-light district, where he succumbed to paying for sex with prostitutes.

The double life he led was tearing him apart. He wanted a way out but did not know how. 

“I was totally hooked and unable to get out of this darkness,” he admitted. 

Serving in church but still imprisoned 

Throughout their marriage, May was unaware of Cheng Kwan’s clandestine life and struggle. She gave him free rein to spend time with his friends as she did not want to tie down the man who had married young. 

But she prayed regularly for her husband, asking God to draw Cheng Kwan back to Himself. 

By 2016, Cheng Kwan longed to find rest in His heavenly Father, having wrestled with sex addiction for 30 long years.

“I was sick and tired of it,” he said.

In 2017, Cheng Kwan began attending church services every Sunday with his wife and son at Covenant Evangelical Free Church (CEFC) Woodlands church. Their daughter worshipped at a different church. 

Having returned to church and community, Cheng Kwan was keen for the family to grow together spiritually. A year later, they joined a group led by Ng Yong Siong, 54. 

As his faith and spiritual fervour grew, Cheng Kwan stepped up serve the youth in The Next Generation Ministry, where he facilitates discussions for primary school children.

He also volunteered as an usher at the annual Intentional Disciple Making Church (IDMC) conference. 

Despite all his efforts, the vicious claws of sexual addiction continued to grip him even as he served in church.

“I was no longer going to ‘dirty’ bars or to prostitutes but it was still a stronghold,” he told Salt&Light. He was determined to overcome it by his own strength but the decision to keep his struggles to himself would prove deadly. 

A celebratory drink session with his coworkers ended up in the red-light district. This time, Cheng Kwan not only engaged in sexual activity with a prostitute but entered into a relationship with her. 

This illicit relationship continued until God intervened.

Crushing betrayal

The couple’s children – a daughter in her 20s and a teenage son – were the first to inadvertently discover their father’s infidelity. When they confronted their father, he denied any impropriety and brushed off their questions.

Although they never told their mother about it, May had a seemingly random thought one day: “What did my husband spend on the credit card?”.

She spotted a charge for two tickets to the zoo in the credit card bill, and May asked Cheng Kwan about it. He claimed he had bought tickets for a friend, but May knew something was amiss.

“I felt no peace,” she recalled. “From that day on, I could not sleep well, I could not eat thinking about it.”

May began to look for clues. She went through his phone, and discovered text messages from the other woman, as well as incriminating photos. Her search on social media confirmed her suspicion.

“I saw what she looked like, where they went,” May said. Now knowing the truth, she questioned her husband again, but he denied any wrongdoing.

In the following months, May felt she was drowning in a flood of anger, bitterness and disappointment brought on by her husband’s crushing betrayal. She said: “I felt like I was walking alone.”

Being protective of Cheng Kwan, May told no one about the affair, not knowing her children were already aware of it.

Without another human to confide in, she leaned hard on God and held tightly to Him. She soaked herself in praise and worship music, and poured out her heart to God.

Many nights she would sit alone in the silence of the neighbourhood park, staring at the sky. Sometimes she went for a run in the wee hours of the morning when sleep eluded her. 

“My focus was solely on God,” she said. “His Word really encouraged me.”

The verse that carried her was Romans 8:39 – “Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

“No matter what situation I’m in, nothing can separate me from God,” she stated.

May made a decision to file for divorce. She said: “I didn’t want a man that doesn’t love me. l was willing to let him go so he can be happy with a woman he loves.”

But God changed her mind.

“Forgive him as I forgave you” 

One morning at 4am as she was running, May heard God’s voice: “Forgive him as I forgave you. Love him just as I have loved you.”

It was a difficult thing God asked of her, but May said: “I realised it was no longer about me or about Cheng Kwan’s sin. It was about showing him how much God loved him. It was about saving the family.” 

May took up God’s challenge, strengthened by the words of Paul in 1 Timothy 1:16 – “But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners.”

“It was no longer about me or my husband’s sin, but about showing him how much God loves him, and about saving my family,” May recalled her decision to forgive.

Now determined to fight for her marriage and her family, May revealed the truth about Cheng Kwan to her cell group leader Siong. Together with assistant cell group leader Kenneth Soh, Siong confronted Cheng Kwan.

Cheng Kwan denied the truth the first two times he was asked, but finally came clean the third time.

“I didn’t want to drag on in this relationship (with the other woman) anymore,” Cheng Kwan said.

Admitting his sin to Siong broke its power over him. Cheng Kwan now readily heeded his leader’s counsel to repent, seek his wife’s forgiveness, and make restitution.

He mustered the courage to make his confession to his wife, pouring out all his years of secrets and struggles. He sought her forgiveness.

“I told her everything. I told her about the relationship with the other woman. I told her all the things I did in the past that did not honour her,” he said. 

May remained calm as her husband owned up to all his sexual sins beyond the affair. God had prepared her those months before, allowing May to work through her pain with Him before Cheng Kwan’s eventual confession.

She forgave her husband, as she had promised God she would. 

“This love of God in May is the only reason we are still together,” Cheng Kwan said to Salt&Light.

Following his confession to his wife, Cheng Kwan confessed his sin to his cell group leaders and repented. He also came clean with both his children and sought their forgiveness.

“One of the key reasons I wanted so badly to break this sin was because I did not want it to become a generational sin, affecting my children and their children,” Cheng Kwan said. “I want it completely chopped off at me.” 

Although she was wronged, through God, May could even feel compassion for the other woman, recognising her as a foreigner trying to make a living.

“I pray that God will take care of her,” she said. “I pray that God will really open her eyes to see that what she did was wrong and that she shouldn’t be doing this anymore.” 

The road to restoration

From the first year that Cheng Kwan and May began their journey to restore their marriage, their cell group leaders and their wives have walked closely with them, covering them in prayer and accountability.

Siong told Cheng Kwan to read Psalm 51. Verse 13 made a big impact on him: “Transgressors will know your way, and sinners will turn back to you.” 

A WhatsApp group chat “Rekindle Marriage” was set up to encourage and exhort them. In the chat are three couples from the cell group who support Cheng Kwan and May.

Leaders of their cell group journeyed with May and Cheng Kwan on their road to the restoration and kept them accountable (L-R): Ng Yong Siong, Kenneth Soh, Joyce Tan (Kenneth’s wife), Jane Ng (Siong’s wife).

In 2021, Siong set up a men’s group called Warpath to minister to men in CEFC struggling with addictions. Cheng Kwan is one of six in the group who come together regularly to share testimonies, pray for one another and be discipled in various areas such as conquering sin, breaking bondage and walking in freedom.

Cheng Kwan also allowed his location to be tracked by the Life360 app, developed during the pandemic to trace contacts after Singapore lifted the COVID lockdown.

Repentance also led him to renounce his past behaviour in the presence of his co-workers and put an end to his former habits.

When he told his co-workers that he had changed, they were shocked. They tested his resolve a few times, inviting him out with them.

“I tell them no. No way. Not even for drinks or for KTV,” Cheng Kwan said. “I’m going back home.”  

Being plugged into a church, surrounded by a band of brothers from the Warpath group has kept Cheng Kwan from falling back into his double life, he said. 

A few weeks after Cheng Kwan confessed his sins and repented, the COVID pandemic brought Singapore into lockdown mode. As a result, the family spent two months patching and catching up.

“God is so amazing with His timing,” Cheng Kwan smiled. 

It was during this time that Cheng Kwan started conducting cell group at home. The couple and their two children worshipped, prayed and studied the Word of God together using materials from their church. They partook of the Holy Communion as a family too.

“I could see a spiritual transformation in our family,” May said. The couple was also baptised after Cheng Kwan’s deliverance from sexual addiction. 

Today, it has been five years since the truth set Cheng Kwan free and God began healing his marriage to May. It is a work in progress, requiring commitment and accountability from both husband and wife.

May had never imagined she would undergo the trauma of marital betrayal. 

“It is not easy to forgive but God can heal me,” she said. “Through Him, l forgive. l always remember I am God’s child, He loves me. In my deepest hurt, l just call on His name and He is faithful to answer.”

It was her razor sharp focus on God throughout the ordeal that shifted her priority to bringing Cheng Kwan back to God, not to her.

“I do not wish to see him leave God,” she declared. “I just commit him to God, asking Him to help me learn to forgive him.”

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