You might recognise actress-host Evelyn Tan (陈毓芸) for her youthful and girl-next-door looks.

Or you might remember her as the other half of a celebrity couple who lived on a yacht for years (her husband Darren Lim is also an actor and a host).

But did you know that one of the most important roles she has played – in real life – is being a homeschooling mum of four children, three of whom have signs of dyslexia?

Speaking to Living Room by Salt&Light, Evelyn recalls when she first caught on that something might be amiss with her second child.

“With Kristen, reading came very effortlessly for her,” she said of her firstborn.

Keen to cultivate a love for reading in their kids, Evelyn and Darren would often read to them and bring them to the library since they were young.

When the alarm bell sounded

For Jairus, however, the struggle came when it was time to move from picture books to readers with simple text.

“More and more I sensed that there was a certain reluctance,” recounted Evelyn.

“He would always come to (the reader) as though he was reading it for the first time. There would be no recollection of certain words that we had come across, even simple words like ‘the’.”

At that time, Evelyn simply put it down to perhaps a case of boys not being able to sit still. 

Determined to teach Jairus to read, she tried creative ways of helping the preschooler, for instance making flashcards or using real-life examples such as street signs or product labels.

“Nothing seemed to work. He just simply detested using his eyes to try to decode,” she observed. 

“I would read (to him), and he would have no problem. But the minute I got him to read, he would start rubbing his eyes.”

For four years, Evelyn carried out homeschooling on a yacht. She is pictured here with her oldest (Kristen) and youngest (Elliott).

It was only when Jairus was Primary 2 that Evelyn felt she had exhausted all her means.

By then, she had heard about dyslexia. Other mothers in her homeschooling group also suggested that it might be helpful for Jairus to go for a screening test.

The day the results were out, Evelyn experienced a huge sense of relief and remorse.

“I remember feeling then that I was so late in diagnosing him. I felt so much guilt,” she confessed, wondering if earlier intervention could have been given.

Yet with the confirmation, there was also clarity – she could now plan her next steps.

The emotional toll of dyslexia

The news was much harder for Jairus to accept though.

Describing how her son resented the diagnosis, Evelyn said: “He was in denial and didn’t want to face up to it.

“He would ask questions like, ‘Why? Why do I have to be that one?'”

Comparing himself to an older sibling and peers who did not have such learning difficulties, Jairus found it unfair that he had to live with dyslexia.

“He felt that life had dealt him a hard hand, so I had to address that emotionally with him,” she shared.

Evelyn with Jairus when he was 13. The couple have a tradition of celebrating each child’s transition from one phase of life into another with a trip.

Highlighting that Jairus is a precocious child and a good listener who is able to absorb information quickly through hearing, Evelyn said: “With dyslexic children, I realised that God gives them a different set of strengths to – for lack of a better way of describing it – make up for whatever they lack in this reading area.

“I tried to explain to him that these are gifts that other people don’t get, but he would not buy it and would still be quite sore about (his dyslexia).”

Her son’s response sent her on another guilt trip.

“I was thinking that, ‘Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have revealed (his dyslexia) to him,'” she said. 

“I thought that by making this known to him, it would actually help the both of us face this problem more strongly. But then he was not ready.

“I felt that his progress was stumped by his own inability to accept his condition and the amount of extra work he had to do.”

Despite attending classes by the Dyslexia Association of Singapore, it was only around Primary 5 when Jairus started reading well enough.

But even then, Jairus’ learning of Mandarin had to take a back seat because he was already struggling with one language.

No two dyslexic kids are alike

With her third child, Way, there were some similarities to Jairus’ struggles with reading, but also other differences, discerned Evelyn.

Way was a lot more active, which made her wonder if these were symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

“I barely got a chance to sit down with him and into the second minute, he would be telling me, ‘Oh, I need to go to the toilet. I need to do this; I need to do that,'” said Evelyn.

At the same time, Way would also have difficulties identifying words that he had read before. 

“The same word would appear in two lines on the same page, but after reading the first one, he still could not read the second one.”

Due to how Jairus reacted to his diagnosis, Evelyn initially held back from getting Way tested for dyslexia.

However, because she became a certified trainer in the Orton-Gillingham approach to reading, she taught him in the same way she did with Jairus.

Designed to support struggling readers, the rules teach children how to break down the words into syllables so that they can be read more easily.

Evelyn supplemented this with online programmes such as Nessy to help her sons gain confidence in reading.

“Since I’m a homeschooling mum, I felt that I needed to equip myself with the necessary skills to help them along,” she said.

Evelyn also read plenty of books on dyslexia, making it a point to share with her children anecdotes of those who have overcome so that her sons could feel more empowered.

Evelyn on a prawning outing with Way at age 11.

While Jairus had a more emotionally trying time with dyslexia, Way was a lot less bothered by his condition.

“With Way, he’s happy-go-lucky person, so he was not perturbed at all that he couldn’t read,” she commented with a laugh.

It was only out of necessity that she decided to send Way to be tested for dyslexia because the diagnosis would help in getting an exemption from Mother Tongue language for his Primary School Leaving Examination.

Who knew that shortly after, Covid-19 would upend life in Singapore and shake things up in their household?

Letting go, letting God

In 2021, things came to a head when Way was in Primary 6, so much so that Evelyn felt it would be better if he enrolled in a mainstream school.

Pointing out that homeschoolers usually get their social needs fulfilled by meeting up with other children to learn together, all of that stopped because of the safe distancing measures.

“Everybody was cooped up at home, so it was a tremendous period of stress for everyone involved,” she said. 

Being a very sociable person, having his interactions with others restricted was extremely tough for her son, who already had to cope with dyslexia. 

This became a catalyst for Way’s entry into formal education.

Opening up about how difficult it was to make that call, Evelyn revealed that it took many conversations with God and others, as well as a big illness to convince her.

“As a mother, I had taken on this onus of homeschooling my child, so I felt that I needed to stick to my decision and make the best out of it,” she explained.

Driven by an enormous sense of duty, Evelyn shared how she wanted to see through Way’s homeschooling journey despite the fact that she was unravelling. 

“When I first asked the Lord for permission to homeschool, I felt such immense peace that I had never felt before and I took it as a confirmation from Him to go ahead,” she elaborated.

“So I thought that if God didn’t say ‘no’, I must not stop. I must not allow my own weakness to stop ‘God’s will’ in my child’s life.”

Then came a health scare. Evelyn discovered that she had uterine fibroids that were causing intense bleeding. 

“I was not taking care of myself and not getting medical help, thinking it would go away and resolve by itself,” she said, acknowledging that she had not been prioritising her health, marking her children’s homework late into the night and waking up early to prepare for the day’s teaching assignments. 

It was only after she had to be hospitalised and undergo a surgery when she experienced a breakthrough.

A card from her daughter that Evelyn received while she was in the hospital.

Describing how the incident led her to review her dogged approach towards homeschooling, she said: “What started out as a blessing from the Lord to nurture my young under His guidance became my project to take to succeed according to my terms when the challenges of learning difficulties came along.”

This was especially so when Evelyn compared how her sons were faring to their peers and found them falling short.

“The desire to help them level up took such a strong hold on me, I went into a state of tunnel vision and I forgot to keep Him in the picture.” 

A new perspective

Only realising later that the tensions at home eased up after Way started school, Evelyn lamented that for a long time, she had stubbornly refused to see that perhaps the open door was part of God’s providence.

This was in spite of the fact that her husband and parents had been encouraging her to send Way to school out of concern for her.

Coming to God in repentance, Evelyn said: “I humbly came to the Lord, and asked for forgiveness and prayed that it’s still not too late.

“Thankfully, nothing is too late in God’s timing. I’m so thankful that God in His graciousness allowed me to go through this thing and still come out unscathed.”

Reflecting on this period of her life, Evelyn added that it marked the start of her being able to release her children to the Lord.

“To remember that I’m not such a big deal after all,” she quipped. “I may be a mum, but so what? I need God to come alongside to parent with me.”

Evelyn’s youngest child Elliott was not homeschooled at all. He is pictured here on a recent day out to the beach.

Sharing about the journey with her fourth child, Evelyn disclosed: “Because of the effort I had to put in with the two older ones, Elliott was attending preschool right from kindergarten.”

Although Elliott also displays all the signs of dyslexia, she is not too fazed.

In fact, Evelyn is grateful for the support from school, which complements the teaching she is doing at home.

“In a school system, whether you have dyslexia or not, as long as you have problems with reading, you are pulled out for remediating.”

From Primary 1 to Primary 4, Elliott received help for his reading.

Clarifying why she chose not to send her youngest for dyslexia screening, Evelyn felt that she did not want him to have any emotional baggage.

“For me, I realised the children will still come into reading with all this extra work we give them and the handles we teach them,” she opined.

“There is really no need for a label to say, ‘I’m dyslexic or not.’ I feel it doesn’t really help a child. Rather, it might give them a handicap syndrome.”

“I have tried my best”

Today, two of her sons are in mainstream schools – Elliott is Primary 5 and Way is Secondary 2.

Jairus continues to be homeschooled and is preparing for his International General Certificate of Secondary Education exam, an O-level equivalent.

Kristen, on the other hand, went on to polytechnic after being homeschooled.

Currently pursuing a Diploma in Digital Film and Television, Evelyn’s oldest child is interested in showbiz and may one day follow in her parents’ footsteps.

Now that her children are more independent, Evelyn is also returning to acting, starting with smaller roles.

Evelyn and Darren were in Spain last month to mark their 20th wedding anniversary. It was their first long trip as a couple since their honeymoon.

Knowing how things have turned out for all of her kids, would she have chosen to parent differently, especially with regard to homeschooling?

“It was tough. It was very tiring,” admitted Evelyn. 

“But from the very start, thankfully I feel both Darren and I had our hearts in the right place when we decided to homeschool.”

Shedding light on what they wanted to achieve, she said: “We didn’t want them to spend more time with us so that we could get them more ready for the papers and score better marks.

“We really wanted them to understand that learning is a process of self-discovery; learning is not bounded by a textbook or the four walls around us, and it can happen anytime.”

Very aptly, the family of six also decided to live on a yacht for four years. 

“We wanted to create that sense of awe and wonder about the things around us, and through that help them discover what they are passionate about.”

What was challenging though, was having to face realities such as the academic standards required of children in Singapore and their sons’ learning differences.

“Have I failed in one or the other? I would say I have tried my best to strike a balance,” said Evelyn.

The family once lived on a boat that was docked at ONE°15 Marina at Sentosa Cove. They also embarked on a six-month expedition in 2016, sailing all the way to Thailand.

Homeschooling also taught her a lot about how to parent her children, noted Evelyn.

“I now look back and realise that, if nothing else, it was really for understanding my child’s psyche.”

For instance, journeying with Jairus through his dyslexia helped Evelyn to put herself in her child’s shoes.

“Because of that whole process of me walking with him – being burdened to be the parent, to be the educator – I could see the struggles that he had.

“I was really learning along with him and what it means to read. All these things are second nature for a lot of non-dyslexic people – we just come into reading without realising how we do it.

“But when you have a child who is dyslexic and you slow down to their pace, you see what they see at their level.”

Gaining more insight into how a dyslexia child learns, Evelyn said she was able to be compassionate at times and challenging at others.

“Had I just driven him the whole time, without that sense of empathy, maybe it would have been a very different Jairus today.

“Or had I been too empathetic because I didn’t understand the condition well enough and played out that nurturing role, then I wouldn’t be able to challenge him.

“I know the condition; I know that it can be overcome – not in its entirety but there are strategies you can employ. I felt that helped me to become a more versatile parent.”

Our growth, His glory

Recognising that she is still a work in progress, Evelyn said: “This journey has caused me to turn reflective – to look inward and to look upward to God for help.

“I might sometimes forget about being compassionate because I might be struck by anxiety and then I forget to rely on God.

“Sometimes I also find myself relying on my own desires for my child, so I always check myself: Have I been too harsh on my son?”

In times like these, she reminds herself to turn to the Holy Spirit for guidance.

“It’s a constant journey of finding that balance and remembering that at the end of the day, academics are important, but the relationship with our son and our daughter is also important.”

Being a blessing to others is one of the values that Evelyn wishes to impart to her children. In 2020, they embarked on a family project as part of a fundraising event for the homeless.

Other than building strong connections undergirded by a foundation of love, Evelyn strives to create a conducive environment for her kids to grow up to become children of God. 

“Our desire is for them to know God Himself,” she said.

“I really hope that in interacting with our kids, we have in some ways helped them see God in action – His lovingkindness, patience, forbearance.”

Giving credit to God for how far they have come, she added: “What we have today is because He has made it available; He has made it possible.

“So we really hope that our children can see that – all the blessings they have in their lives, to see them in the light of God’s presence and God enabling them to do that.”

Hoping that her kids would be able to fulfil God’s plan for their lives, she said: “We don’t need them to be doctors or lawyers. But if they’re in the place where God can use them and they can shine, that would be our biggest comfort in life.”

Evelyn’s children on their family trip to Vietnam in 2023.

At the end of the day, she is thankful for the experiences she has been through as a parent.

“I’ve always looked back at the homeschooling years with very, very fond memories,” said Evelyn.

“If I had been given the chance to live through this once more, I think I would have probably gone down the same path again – to homeschool the children.

“Because I do see how it has bonded us and given us that closeness that I feel transcends what words can describe.”

Offering a piece of advice that she often tells her children, Evelyn said: “I always encourage them and say, ‘Whatever the Lord allows us to go through, it will always be for a reason – and this reason is for our growth and for His glory.’

“So let’s just give glory to Him for that.”

READ MORE:

“Why did God allow PSLE?”: The lament of a boy diagnosed with dyslexia in Primary 6 and the faith that saw him through

“Will you stay home for me?”: God poses the challenge to two career women

Rising to the impossible with God, a dyslexic Heidi Baker stepped up to get a PhD and fulfil His missionary call on her “little life”