After Grace Tan got married in January of 2017, her babies came in quick succession.

Anna was born a little over a year after her wedding. Joanna came 13 months after, in March of 2019.

Eight months later, Grace discovered she was pregnant again.

The news came as no surprise. Three days before the test results, she had dreamt that she was pregnant. She even had a name for her baby – Josiah.

God gave her words of affirmation as well.

“God said three things to me: Trust Me; I will provide; I don’t make mistakes.”

That December, Grace attended her church camp and the speaker of the camp prayed over her.

Said the 32-year-old: “My pastor didn’t know I was pregnant. As she prayed, she told me that she saw me in a crucible being refined by the fire and that there was so much pain and sorrow.

“But she said that God was going to cause me to rise up and use all the pain and sorrow to be a blessing to many others.”

The word confused Grace because she did not feel she had much to sorrow over nor was she experiencing pain in her life.

Little did she know what was to come.

Gone just like that   

On December 23, six weeks into her third pregnancy, Grace went for a routine check-up at her gynaecologist’s and was told she had miscarried.

“I took it quite well at that point in time. God comforted me. I saw Josiah with my grandma in heaven.

“God also told me that He loved me, that He loved Josiah and that I should trust His unfailing love. My heart was just full of peace.”

Nonetheless, Grace and her husband, David Cheng, 38, decided to seek a second opinion.

They went to another gynaecologist who detected a “flicker in the foetal movement and a faint heartbeat”. The news gave Grace new hope.

“I believed God for a miracle. I expected a miracle. My whole family did.”

Grace (left, standing) with her family. Her parents, sisters and brother, all Christians, were praying for her baby to survive.

But when Grace returned to the second gynaecologist a week later, she was told that her baby no longer had a heartbeat.

Expectation turned to anguish.

“I have walked the narrow path. I have been faithful in following God, serving God, why was this happening to me?

“If something bad happened to me as a consequence of my actions, I could still stomach it. But I love the Lord.”

The gynaecologist scheduled an operation for Grace to have the foetus removed. The date for the last check-up was January 7, 2020, the day of her third wedding anniversary.

“A part of me was still expecting a miracle to happen because the God I know can perform such a miracle. He can raise the dead to life.”

Grace before her D&C (dilation and curettage) to remove her foetus from her uterus after the miscarriage. Her brave smile belied the anguish she was feeling.

But there would be no miracle.

A day after the final check-up, Grace underwent the operation to have her baby removed from her.

“I was devastated. I didn’t even get to see the foetus. He was gone just like that.”

Refined by fire

While in a state of semi-consciousness following the procedure, Grace had a dream.

In that dream, she was at the hospital speaking to a woman who had just experienced a miscarriage.

“I was talking to her and sharing with her that her baby was now in heaven with Jesus. I told her, ‘You can see him again. Jesus is inviting you. If you accept Jesus into your heart, you can be with your child one day.’

“I woke up from that dream and I knew that God wanted me to understand the pain that a mother goes through when she has a miscarriage. He wanted me to empathise and walk with other mothers.”

That purpose has helped Grace deal with the excruciating pain of loss.

“I find that many times in my life, God pulls me and moulds me. I always remember that God has a purpose for all that happens.

“He wants me to go through the fiery furnace because He will pull me out and it will be used for His glory in the future.”

The promise that the pain would be redeemed was affirmed when her second child, Joanna, drew a family picture for her two years ago. In it, the little girl depicted three people in a fiery furnace.

“I asked her, ‘Is this Daniel’s three friends? (Daniel 3:8-30)’ She said, ‘It’s you and Daddy and me.’

Grace and her husband, David, met in university.

“Who would teach a child to draw that? God was reminding me.”

Since losing her baby, Grace has made a video testimony of her experience which she shared over social media. A few women – friends and relatives whom she hardly ever contacted – messaged her when they saw the post.

“They shared about their own miscarriages and I had the opportunity to walk with them, even through their next conception. Some of them have already given birth.”

I will provide

There would be more to Grace’s story.

Two months after they lost their third child, Grace and David were praying when God revealed to both of them that He was “going to do a work of restoration and give us another child”.

Jonelle was the rainbow baby with which God blessed Grace and David.

They did not think it would be so easy to conceive after a miscarriage but, in March of 2020, Grace became pregnant with her fourth child. 

In wonder, she was reminded of the word God had first given to her to trust Him, that He would provide, and that He did not make mistakes.

Despite some fears that the baby, or herself, or the both of them, would come to harm, Grace delivered a healthy full-term baby.

“Jonelle is truly a blessing from God. Her name was impressed upon my heart when I was praying. 

“My children’s names – Anna, Joanna and Jonelle – all mean gifts from God.”

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