How is your marriage? Do you know if it is heading for stormy weather or if it is nice and safe? If things are gloomy, would you know what to do?  

In a survey conducted by Focus on the Family Singapore in 2020 that involved over 700 participants, the forecast for marriages here seems less than positive.

Over a third of couples (36%) struggle to resolve conflicts constructively. Four in 10 described their conversations with their spouses as “lacking” or “cold” while two in 10 felt detached from their spouse.

Long-term impact of divorce

This does not bode well for the children.

Grown-up children from divorced families are less likely to get a university degree, tend to earn less and are more likely to get divorced compared to peers from intact homes. This was part of the findings by the Ministry of Social and Family Development that were released on December 8, 2020.

Some 9,000 Singapore citizens who turned 35 between 2014 and 2016 and whose parents were divorced were involved in the first-of-its-kind government study that looked at the long-term impact divorce had on children.

The economic and marriage outcomes of these adult children were compared to those of children from the same cohort whose parents were not divorced.

Celebrating marriage

The results of the study underscore the importance of enriching marriages before the damage is done instead of repairing them. That is why Focus Singapore launched Celebrate Marriage on February 5, ahead of Valentine’s Day.

The campaign aims to help couples be more aware of the health of their marriages and equip them with strong resources to protect their marriages and help them weather the seasons of life.

The campaign features a Marriage Quiz for couples to discover which “climate” their marriage is in. Once the quiz is completed, couples will receive personalised resources and emailers with tips and conversation starters specific to the weather forecast of their marriage. 

For examples, a couple that scores Overcast may feel neglected or unappreciated. An adjustment of priorities, new communication strategies and couple time to reinvigorate the relationship may be suggested.

Said Joanna Koh-Hoe, CEO of Focus Singapore, “Celebrate Marriage has always encouraged couples to intentionally sow time and energy into their marriage. Going forward, we hope to equip them with extra tools in their marriage toolbox such as communication skills, empathetic listening, building intimacy and deepening partnership.

“These protective buffers will enable more couples to nurture a marriage that withstands the seasons and goes the distance.”

Secrets from veterans

Research has shown that protective factors – commitment, appreciation and support, forgiveness, and communication and conflict resolution skills – serve as support structures in a marriage and enable it to last.

To illustrate how these components of marital stability are played out in real marriages, Celebrate Marriage features veteran couples who share the secrets to their enduring marriage.

One such couple is Tony Soh and Gwee Ting Ai who have been married for nearly 27 years and have three adult children.

Said Gwee in a podcast interview: “Over the years, we’ve sharpened each other. We’ve made each other better people. My husband knows that I’m always supporting him and I think it makes a world of difference.”

They also shared how they build each other up and create daily rituals to strengthen their marriage such as walking their dog together.

Apart from annual campaigns such as Celebrate Marriage, Focus Singapore also offers other marriage enrichment programmes such as Connect2, a marriage preparation programme, and Marriage Builders, a personalised coaching programme for couples of all stages of life.

When God joined them as man and wife … twice

From the brink of divorce to a glimpse of true love

With 1 in 4 married people in Singapore thinking of divorce, what hope is there for marriage?