When Judith Halim got married in 2001, her husband Jason Ong became an instant father. Pastor Judith brought into her new family Joel – a daughter with special needs – from her former marriage.

“So I thought: Perhaps let them (Jason and Joel) build on their relationship for two years and then two years later, I will have a child on my own with Jason,” Ps Judith told Salt&Light.

Longing for little baby Joshua 

Whenever the couple, who serve together as pastors at Restore Global Missions Church, went overseas for mission work or passed by a departmental store, they would buy baby items that were labelled “Joshua”.

“After having a girl, I wanted a baby boy. I even have the name ‘Joshua’ for him because it stands for ‘he and his household will serve the Lord’,” said Ps Judith, quoting Joshua 24:15.

They bought various “Joshua” items: A name tag to hang on baby’s room door, a mitten, hat and clothes with the name and even a keychain.

Ps Judith longed to have a second baby so much so that each time she thought about the baby and took a deep breath, she could smell baby powder and baby oil. In her mind’s eye, she could also see a little finger wrapped around her second finger.

Two years later, the couple was about to start trying for baby Joshua when Ps Jason was diagnosed with brain cancer. The doctor told them that he would not live past six months. Not wanting baby Joshua to end up fatherless, they shelved their plans to try for him and instead hunkered down to battle cancer.

After going through a 20-hour surgery, the doctor told Jason that he had only six months to live because the tumour had already spread.

It turned out to be a decade-long ordeal which ended when Jesus walked into the ICU of Mount Novena Hospital and healed Ps Jason completely. 

“After brain surgery, Jason woke up and shouted: ‘Jesus is here, Jesus is here’ and he was trembling so much that the hospital bed was shaking,” says Judith.

By then, it was 2013 – 10 years had passed and Ps Judith was 41 years old. But husband and wife had not given up on their dream to have baby Joshua. They tried for a baby for one year, but to no avail.

Just then, her friends told her that the government was giving funding for assisted reproductive technology procedures such as in-vitro fertilisation (IVF).

“Doing IVF at a discounted rate sounded good. Perhaps I could even get both a Joshua and a Josephine from the subsidised process,” she said with a laugh.

Planning for a baby 

Ps Judith obtained the IVF form and was eager to fill it in.

But even before she managed to write down the first letter of her name – J – she heard the still, small voice of God.

“What if the one I want to give you is not Joshua?” God asked her.

The question stopped her in her tracks. She had been so full of excitement but now, she paused and leaned in to hear what He had to say.

“What if the one I want to give you is Joy?” He asked her again.

Ps Judith immediately thought that God was indicating to her that she would get a girl through IVF instead of a boy.

“I felt that was still good, because I also wanted another child to inherit my legacy and business and hopefully take over my ministries and help take care of Joel when we are gone,” said Ps Judith. (As a parent with a special needs child, she was concerned about what would happen to her special child when she was no longer around.)

Before she could finish that thought, God interjected.

“This Joy will not be able to inherit everything. She will not be able to fulfil all your requirements or take care of everything,” He told her.

Instantly, Ps Judith knew what God meant. Being a mother to one special needs child, she read between the lines and knew what God was implying – that He was about to give her another girl with special needs.

Judith with her daughter Joel, who has Williams syndrome.

Many thoughts flooded her mind as tears rolled down her face then: “I will not be able to attend my child’s university graduation”, “I will not be able to see my child walk down the aisle or have a baby.”

“These are the milestones of a normal person. I thought I found a solution but now there is no solution. The dream that I had was shattered again,” said Ps Judith.

God’s voice came again, clearly: “This is what I want to give you. Are you willing?”

The “Nevertheless” moment 

She felt sad and disappointed at the loss of her dream, but she was not angry at God. Having experienced the goodness and faithfulness of God in the past, her daily prayer is simply to obey God and fulfil His will in her life.

So Ps Judith came before the Lord and asked: “Can this cup pass me by? Nevertheless, not my will but Yours be done.”

She loves Joel – who has Williams syndrome – intensely, but she is also cognisant of the challenges and heartache that comes with having a special needs child, such as helping her deal with being ostracised.

As Ps Judith waited on God, there was only silence. She knew His answer. Barely half an hour later, she opened the drawer next to her and put the IVF form away. 

“I told God that if that’s His will, I would do it. He said He would give Joy to me, so I knew I need not try for a baby via IVF,” said Ps Judith.

Thereafter, she told her husband what she sensed from God.

After Ps Jason discerned from God himself, the couple got together to put away all the baby Joshua items that they had bought.

“He held the baby items and lifted them up to God, and said ‘Your will be done’,” said Ps Judith.

Jason’s eyes were red. He was also looking forward to have a son to do rough and tumble play with.

Ps Jason celebrating Father’s Day with his daughter Joel.

A week later, the couple flew to Indonesia for their scheduled ministry trip. They go there frequently to preach as well as run their community and feeding programmes for the poor.

A local pastor there called Ps Judith and asked if she could bring a severely abused 15-year-old girl to her as her parents did not want her. The girl was mute, had vision problems and mental disability.

“I have been doing children ministry for years so it’s common for people to bring children to me. Usually, I would place them in a centre or orphanage that I support,” said Ps Judith.

As she waited at the place that they were supposed to meet, she chatted with some of her Singaporean friends who were also there.

Suddenly, the door opened and Ps Judith saw a man with a girl entering. When the girl saw Ps Judith, she broke into a run and made a beeline for her.

“Her legs were imbalanced so she was limping and tumbling towards me. I stood up and she ran towards me and gave me such a tight hug as if she never wanted to let go,” said Ps Judith.

At that moment, she heard God say: “This is the Joy that I am giving you.”

Severely abused with multiple disabilities 

When Ps Judith looked at her, however, she was the total opposite of one who exuded joy. Despite her earlier burst of energy and affection, she quickly slumped over in the chair lifelessly and was unresponsive to anyone who called out to her.

“She was very skinny and smelt bad. There was cigarette burn marks all over her arms. There was a thick layer of yellow plaque on her teeth because she had not brushed her teeth for 15 years,” said Ps Judith.

The girl sat still on the chair – chin on her chest – as if she was part of the inert furniture.

“It was as if there was a black cloth covering her face. There was no eye contact or response and her spirit seemed dead,” she added. 

Ps Judith then spoke with the girl’s father who had brought her there. He revealed that her mother tried to abort her using all kinds of herbs and massage, to no avail. When she was born, she had various abnormalities such as a cleft lip and palate, a protruding jaw and brain damage.

Given these disabilities, her mother hated her even more. They placed her in different orphanages, only for her to be kicked out of each one because her parents did not pay the fees for her care. When she returned home, there were signs that she was undernourished and abused.

“I was very sad. No child should be treated like that,” Ps Judith said to Salt&Light.

Using a scare tactic that failed  

Believing that a child should ideally not be separated from the parent, Ps Judith tried to persuade her father to keep her by offering financial support and personalised training to guide them in handling a child with special needs.

He turned down the offer. So she tried bargaining with him: “How about I train you to take care of her for just three months? If you can’t manage after three months, you still can pass her to me.”

He refused.

Angry, Ps Judith then tried to use a scare tactic to discourage him from abandoning his daughter.

“If you want to give her to me, I may go for legal adoption. A lawyer will talk to you and you will need to sign documents to relinquish your rights as a parent. That means that whether she lives or die under me, you can’t do anything about it. Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked him.

He was not intimidated.

“He said he would sign the documents and kept repeating that her mother did not want her,” said Ps Judith, who left the meeting heartbroken. Her husband also felt burdened for the girl.

In their many years of ministry work, they had not seen a child in a condition or circumstance worse than this girl.

“No orphanage would take her, and she would not be able to survive there even if one accepted her. We knew what God wanted us to do,” said Ps Judith.

The very next day, they went to see a lawyer to process the adoption papers. Her father continued to pester them to take in his daughter. When the adoption contract was ready, Ps Judith sent it to him, and urged him to take a week to consider.

But it was not even 7am the next day when the father left her with some paltry belongings and the signed documents at the door of Ps Judith’s ministry centre.

Unresponsive, silent and motionless 

When Ps Judith met her newly adopted daughter, she greeted her using the name previously given to her.

“Zenia, Nia Nia, how are you?” asked Ps Judith.

There was no response. Zenia just sat there, chin on chest, silent and motionless.

“She was like that from morning to night. She never asked for food or anything. But when you give her food, she would quickly wolf it down like there was no tomorrow,” said Ps Judith.

For the next two months, Ps Judith struggled to find a way to connect with Zenia.

“Being already a mum to a special needs child, I know that we just need to find the key to unlock the child,” she said.

Though Ps Judith brought Zenia back to Singapore to meet with her sister Joel and to see various doctors, she remained as unresponsive as “a dead person”.

Doctors checked on her cleft palate and lips and advised Ps Judith that Zenia needed to double her weight from the current 22kg before she could safely go under anaesthesia for the surgeries.

Joy undergoing dental surgery after she had gained enough weight.

Seeing that she was mute, Ps Judith also brought her to see a specialist who checked on her vocal cords. The specialist found that her cords were perfectly normal, but that they had not established a connection with her brain in her formative years.

“Now it’s too late for the connection to be made. The doctors concluded that she was likely tortured so badly and was not allowed to talk when she was young. That’s why when she falls down or injures herself now, you can see her wincing, but no sound comes out of her mouth,” said Ps Judith.

Two months after Ps Judith took Zenia in, she suddenly had an idea.

Calling Joy to life 

“I remembered that God told me she’s Joy right? Previously I thought He was referring to the quality of joy in her. But then I had the idea to call her that,” she said.

“Joy! Joy Joy…” Ps Judith called out to her and tapped her shoulder.

For the first time, Joy looked up and looked at Ps Judith in the eye.

“It was a miracle. It was like Ezekiel bringing back the dry bones to life. She suddenly came alive,” said Ps Judith.

Each time they called her Joy, she would laugh, smile and move like a normal child. Her countenance also changed.

From then on, it became much easier for the family to engage with Joy. Her older sister Joel, who also has special needs, was the one who taught her how to brush her teeth and who took the initiative to hand wash her soiled undergarments.

Joy (right) shares a special bond with her sister Joel.

As Joy cannot speak, the optician that Ps Judith took Joy to could not gauge the degree of her vision impairment. Ps Judith spent several months coaching Joy to learn to write the alphabet so that she could indicate to the optician which letter she could see on the eye chart. 

Joy with her parents –Judith and Jason.

Joy has since lived up to the name that God has given her. Everyone in their church in Indonesia knows her as Joy, because she is always joyful or smiling.

Joy at her 17th birthday celebration, two years after Ps Judith and her husband adopted her.

“We have a number of church members with depression who come to us for counselling. We encourage them to spend time with Joy. When they see that Joy, who can’t speak and has multiple disabilities, is able to live joyfully, it gives them perspective and they feel better,” said Ps Judith.

Currently, Joy is 24 years old. She lives in Indonesia with a full-time caregiver because Ps Judith and her husband ministers there regularly.

Today, Joy is able to do more complex artwork such as this piece.

Looking back, Ps Judith said her act of obedience – accepting Joy from God instead of striving for Joshua – has opened doors for a new ministry for her and her husband.

“Young people – in our church and elsewhere – who do not have a father or mother figure in their lives, began approaching us for a deeper level of relationship. We are not just their pastors or mentors. We disciple them by doing life together, such as travelling on holidays together,” said Ps Judith.

Over 10 young adults from various countries – Singapore, Indonesia, Taiwan, Philippines – call them “Godma” and “Godpa” as the couple makes time in person or via Zoom to disciple them regularly.

They acknowledge that they would not be able to have such a ministry if they were stuck in Singapore caring for baby Joshua. 

However, Ps Judith still has no clue who would take care of her two special needs daughters when she and her husband die.

But she trusts God would have His way of taking care of His daughters. She has also embarked on plans to run a “fu jia” (Father’s House) in Indonesia – a home for children with special needs whose parents have passed away.

All these are the fruits of what she calls a “nevertheless” moment, one that echoes Jesus’ experience in the Garden of Gethsemane in Matthew 26:39.

“Jesus asked the Father if the cup can be passed from Him; nevertheless, not as He will but as Thou will,” said Ps Judith. 

She noted that the meaning of the word “nevertheless” in Hebrew means “a ceasing, an end” but the meaning of the same word in Greek also signifies a “transition to something new”. 

“My ‘nevertheless’ moment led me to the end of my dreams, but (it) also (led me) to experience His resurrection power in me so that I can walk confidently right into the destiny He has long planned for me,” Ps Judith told Salt&Light.

“Will we trust and obey God in our ‘nevertheless’ moments?”

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