We often ask for God’s guidance.

Perhaps, like me, you have felt the first half of 2023 zoom by, and you’re seeking guidance for the second half of the year.

In the book of Numbers, the people of Israel were heading to the Promised Land, a land flowing with milk and honey.

Everything was so clear at the start. They were led by a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. What could go wrong ? What else would they need? Why did they end up in the wilderness for so many years?

This series of five devotional essays, linked to the book of Numbers and to the prayer that Moses wrote in Psalm 90, recall times when I was so sure and yet had it wrong; was led so clearly, yet I looked the wrong way or crept up the wrong alley.

Truly lost

It was not like the previous occasion when I got lost in the hills. On that last trip, with the sporadic phone signal (this was before Google Maps), I gave a verbal description of my location to the village doctor and he was able to guide me in.

Actually, better than giving verbal directions, the villager told us over the phone that he was about to BBQ a goat and had a big fire going.

“I will throw some straw on the fire and make smoke. Look to your right and you will see the smoke across the hill. Then you can find our village.”

True enough, within a minute, our driver saw smoke rising from behind the hills to my right. I felt like the children of Israel, guided by the pillar of smoke. The pillar of smoke grew thicker by the minute. We got to the village smoothly, our eyes on the white smoke and also on the narrow, winding road.

But on this occasion, we were truly lost and there was no phone signal and no one to call. No goat and no BBQ.

I was getting frustrated, for we had spent three hours looking for the farmhouse where our parenting workshop was to be held. It was a new frustration, for in all these years, my very reliable local driver had found every farm house or village clinic that I needed to get to. Just tell him the place or a description of the place and he would do the job.

Today we were lost.

Losing sight

And Moses said to Hobab the son of Reuel the Midianite, Moses’ father-in-law, “We are setting out for the place of which the Lord said, ‘I will give it to you.’ Come with us, and we will do good to you, for the Lord has promised good to Israel.” But he said to him, “I will not go. I will depart to my own land and to my kindred.” And he said, “Please do not leave us, for you know where we should camp in the wilderness, and you will serve as eyes for us. And if you do go with us, whatever good the Lord will do to us, the same will we do to you.” (Numbers 10:29-32)

Added to the fact of being lost on that road, I was, at that time, also losing my enthusiasm for the rural community development work that I was involved in.

Against many odds, our team had grown from a handful to almost a hundred staff. In recent years, I had the happy responsibility of organising our annual picnic. We had such fun outings. Our first picnic was at a rubber plantation, eating rice cakes while seated on a forest trail.

Though all were nice people, the big team meant things and feelings were getting complicated. Some did not want to travel far. An hour from town would be wilderness for them. Some wanted the high adventure of hiking and climbing, while others wanted to have a cup of tea by a lake. Some preferred local spicy food while others hope for more “touristy” food of pizzas and burgers.

Most wanted a place with clean toilets – and that’s always a tough challenge. I had spent days looking for a picnic site and had not found any.

A strange thought kept buzzing in my mind – if I cannot even find a picnic site, then I might as well go back to Singapore, as it shows that I am no longer able to contribute to the team. It was a silly and irrational thought. In saner times, I was sure that the Lord had given me the role to be in this rural community engagement programme – as sure as the pillar of cloud that was before the people of Israel.

But not finding a picnic site had clouded my world.

A question was all it took

Back on the mountain road, my van driver was unusually quiet. He must have felt bad for not getting me to the destination. It was almost lunchtime. I told him that we should forget about going to the seminar at the farmhouse.

“Let’s go for lunch instead,” I said, emphasising the “instead”.

He listened, nodded his head and then accelerated. After a few minutes he turned off the highway into a gravel road . Still moody about not finding our destination, I was about to quiz him about the abrupt turn when, suddenly, looming before my eyes was a beautiful blue lake.

The view that Dr Tan was treated to while lost. Photo by Tan Lai Yong.

Van driver Mr Hu parked the vehicle and announced: “Let’s have lunch. There are stalls selling western food but I think you prefer local spicy beef noodles”.

I was enthralled. There was a scenic lake in front of me. A zip line and a rope bridge at one corner, some kayaks for rent, go-kart racing track and, amazingly, clean toilets. It was an ideal picnic spot for our team. Everyone would be happy.

“How far is this place from our office in the town?” I asked Mr Hu.

“About 30 to 45 minutes’ drive. Or two-hour bicycle ride,” he replied.

“This is a beautiful place. It will be ideal for our picnic next month,” I told Mr Hu and added, “Why didn’t you tell me that such a beautiful park existed? I had spent so much time looking for a picnic spot.”

Mr Hu looked puzzled and then replied: “Well, you never asked me about where to go for nice picnics before. If you had asked, I would have told you about this place. It is called Wild Ducks Lake and my family comes here often. But you did not ask me.”

Security in the Lord

Mr Hu was my Hobab.

Who is yours?

Who serves as your eyes?

Who tells you where to camp or to picnic?

Lord, you have been our dwelling place in all generations.
Before the mountains were brought forth,
or ever you had formed the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
You return man to dust
and say, “Return, O children of man!”
For a thousand years in your sight
are but as yesterday when it is past,
or as a watch in the night.
You sweep them away as with a flood; they are like a dream,
like grass that is renewed in the morning:
in the morning it flourishes and is renewed;
in the evening it fades and withers. (Psalm 90:1-4)

Mr Hu and I had a nice lunch by the Wild Ducks Lake.

I felt renewed like the green grass that was so lush along the shores.

My fragile emotions found security in the LORD – the LORD who formed the lakes and the mountains – readying me for the picnic, the people in our growing team, as well as for the long term projects ahead.

Check back for more devotionals on God’s guidance by Dr Tan Lai Yong in the following days. 

MORE REFLECTIONS:

“Cleaning is not for show only”: What I learnt from a cleaner at the running track

In a coma and dying, she saw visions that readied her for life without limbs when she awoke

“Arrange my wake at the void deck”: Dr Tan Lai Yong’s mum on when Jesus calls her home