One Father’s Day celebration at church, I broke down in tears and couldn’t stop. The song was about a father’s love and I was inconsolable.

I was 11 years old. I forced myself to stop crying because I was embarrassed. Who cries at a Father’s Day song? Well, I did, and for many years after that, I braced myself for Father’s Day celebrations.

My dad passed away when I was six years old. I have no recollection of him. In primary school, my friend’s dad waited every day to pick her up after school. She would ride pillion on his motorbike and hug him as they rode home.

“How nice it would be to have a father”, I would think as I watched them from the school bus window. 

Author Yvonne Lee as a child (centre, front) with her mother, siblings and the family cat.

My mother was the first Christian in her family, and we started attending church. There, I learned that God is my Father. But that remained as head knowledge for a long while. What does God being my Father mean, when my earthly father is dead? 

The author (front row, first from right in blue) at a church camp.

As the youngest of three children, I grew up thinking that I had to be independent. I thought that I had to strive on my own to get what I wanted, because my welfare was my own responsibility.

My mother did an amazing job raising the three of us, but I knew finances were tight. I told myself that I had to get a scholarship in order to further my studies, so I studied hard.

A gift from my Heavenly Father

After completing my STPM (the Malaysian equivalent of “A” Levels), I went to Thailand for six months to undergo a Discipleship Training School (DTS) by Youth With A Mission (YWAM).

Yvonne (in black) during a DTS outreach.

Conducting a DTS outreach YWAM Kanchanaburi.

Two months into the DTS, my exam results came out, and I had scored straight As, with a perfect 4.0 CGPA score.

I was offered my degree of choice at Nanyang Technological University (NTU) and was asked to attend a face-to-face scholarship interview in Kuala Lumpur in a fortnight’s time. 

I wanted to fly from Thailand back to Malaysia to attend that scholarship interview, but when I was praying, I felt God telling me not to do so. To my logical mind, I would be forgoing a chance to earn a scholarship to fund my degree.

I asked God: “Why? I studied hard, got my straight As, have got some good extra curricular activities, and all I need is just to pass the interview!”

I felt Him saying to trust that He will provide for all my school fees, and I would not need to lean on my own strength. I was led to the verse in Psalm 147: 10-11 that says: “He takes no pleasure in the strength of a horse or in human might. No, the Lord’s delight is in those who fear Him, those who put their hope in His unfailing love.“

For most of my life, I had been striving, and leaning on my own strength. And here was God  asking if I truly believed that He was my Father who would provide for me. 

Well-meaning people who heard that I turned down the scholarship interview had concerns if I heard God correctly. I was at a point in my life where I had heard many testimonies and miracles of how God came through for others. And I remembered a missionary saying: “Where it is His will, it is His bill.”

So I replied by email that I was unable to make it for the interview. The scholarships office was kind enough to say that more interview sessions could be arranged in the future. Unfortunately, I was also unable to attend the subsequent one.

Soon, DTS ended, and I was to arrive at the university in a fortnight’s time to complete the formalities. I had accepted the offer, but I had no scholarship confirmed.

I called the scholarships office to ask if there were any more interviews, but the person remarked that scholarship matters were already being finalised. If I had not received any news, I should not expect much.

I took the nine-hour coach from my hometown to Singapore with minimal belongings. Without a laptop and Internet access, I had to check my emails in the communal computer room. To my surprise, there was an email from the scholarships office the day after I arrived in Singapore. They wanted confirmation if I could attend an interview in two days’ time. 

This time I went. The interview questions were hard, and I had not been trained on how to ace a scholarship interview. It was a miracle when I received an email that very evening that I was awarded the ASEAN Undergraduate Scholarship.

Yvonne (third from left) with other international students performing during the welcome ceremony for incoming freshmen.

And that was just the beginning of many miracles that would happen during my time in the university. The scholarship provided a living allowance, out of which I still had to pay for my hostel accommodation and other miscellaneous fees that were not covered. 

God’s amazing provision

During my first semester, I checked the prices of my textbooks and knew that I could not afford them. One Saturday, I went to the library where a copy of my textbook was. I thought that I could just photocopy some parts so that I could refer to them without buying the book. When I pulled the book out of the shelf, however, I felt God saying to me, “Don’t photocopy the book. I’ll provide for you”. 

So I did not photocopy it but borrowed it instead. I was heading to a church meeting and brought it along as the train ride would take a while. At church, a new friend saw the textbook, and asked me about it. She then mentioned that she felt led to pass me all the cash she had on hand, in order for me to buy that textbook. Here, I experienced God providing for me again. 

During my first few months at university, I enjoyed my extra-curricular activities so much that I did not do well in my exams. As I did not achieve the minimum CGPA required for the scholarship, I was given a warning letter, which led me to quitting all of my extra-curricular activities, except for one. To stay in the hall of residence, I needed to accumulate points from the extra-curricular activities.

Yvonne (third from right) joined Campus Crusade during her first semester at NTU.

To my horror, I did not achieve the minimum cut-off point to remain in the hall and I was put on the waiting list. The wait became unbearable as I had no definite shift-out date. I was staying temporarily with a host family during semester break and I needed to let them know when I would be leaving.

I cried almost every day and asked for God to come through for me. That was the closest I came to  being homeless. 

Finally, I was allocated a room. I had stayed in one of the newer halls of residence in my first year, but this time I was placed in one of the oldest halls.  

I wondered deep down: “God, is this really the best place?”

Little did I know that in two years, all the new halls would be used to host the Youth Olympic Games’ athletes. So all those who stayed in the newer halls had to move out, first for the renovation, and then for the actual event in the following year. 

For the final three years of my university life, I miraculously stayed in the same hostel room, without having to shift out at all during the holidays. God knew what was coming in the next two years, and had placed me there, even as I wondered if He was really giving me the best.

God has shown Himself as a perfect Father to me, and He provides for me. I do not need to strive to do things in my own strength. By His grace, after my first year, I achieved the CGPA required and my scholarship wasn’t terminated. In between, the scholarship living allowance was also increased, and a couple from church also blessed me with a laptop. 

God told us when to hold our wedding

Fast forward many years later, Father God has also blessed me with the gift of marriage. My husband and I moved back to Malaysia, and God still sees us through in many ways.

When we were planning for our wedding, my husband sensed that God was leading us to hold our wedding in a specific month. Little did we know that a political change would happen that month: The government abolished GST and transitioned to another system. This change resulted in our wedding being completely tax free, and our costs were kept to a minimum.

Her mother walked her down the aisle, and Yvonne’s heavenly Father made it so that her wedding was tax-free.

When Yvonne became a mother she prayed for God to make a way for her to work from home, and He did.

When it was time to have children, God’s timing was perfect too. I had a full time job where working from home was not an option. We prayed for God to make a way for me to be able to spend more time with my baby after maternity leave had ended. Miraculously, when I was due to report back to the office, the Movement Control Order (Malaysia’s equivalent of Singapore’s COVID Circuit Breaker) started, and everyone had to work from home for a season. 

My perfect Father loves me very much. Sometimes, I treat Him like an employer, where I just need to “do my part” and He will act accordingly. But no, He is my Father, and He wants me to first receive His love, and serve out of His abundance and His strength.

I pray that we will all return to our Father God, just like how the Prodigal Son did, and find Him, waiting for us with open arms, saying: “My child, welcome home.”

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