Like many dads, Elvin Foong, one-half of The Treasure Box SG (TTB), is a provider. His love, when it comes to his children, is expressed through acts of service.

“I’ll clean their rooms, change their bedsheets for them, wash their water bottles and fill them up with water, get their face masks ready so that they don’t have to prepare them in the morning before school.”

The Foong children, however, express their love for their father differently.

Nathan, who is 11, loves to cuddle. His sister, Phoebe, who is nine, enjoys leaving handmade cards on her papa’s pillow.

While Elvin appreciates these gestures, physical touch is actually last on his list when it comes to his language of love.

Said his wife Esther, co-founder of TTB — which offers resources to help build strong families: “To love someone, you have to adapt to them. Elvin does a lot for his kids and he hopes they reciprocate in the same way.”

Agreed Elvin: “I want them to know how much Dad loves them. I do tend to show my love to them in the way I feel that they should feel love.

“But I want them to know that everything that Dad does and says is out of love.”

Celebrate Dad

Knowing Dad is a vital first step to being able to celebrate Dad. 

Said Esther: “It seems easier to know how to celebrate mums on Mother’s Day.”

The Foongs realised that Father’s Day does not have as much traction as Mother’s Day because fathers do not express themselves. So, their families do not know how to love dads and celebrate them in the way that they would like.

“Mums get things that pamper them for Mother’s Day perhaps because we generally see mums as active contributors to the family who tirelessly pour themselves. But Dads get mugs,” said Esther with a laugh.

The Foongs – Esther, Phoebe, Nathan and Elvin – live, work and serve together as a family. Esther and Elvin are intentional about being transparent with their children so that their children will understand them better.

To help families know the dads in their lives better so they can better cherish them, the Foongs have developed a gameshow in video form that helps dads reflect on themselves while giving them a platform to share who they really are to their children.

The game show is in the form of a video that families can play and pause at different points to stimulate conversation.

Genesis of the game

The idea for the game How Well Do You Know Dad? came as a result of a poll the Foongs launched at the end of May. Called Dads the Way I Like It!, the poll comprised six questions aimed at discovering what fathers like about their fathering journey.  

On May 31, TTB launched a poll to get dads to reflect on their likes and dislikes in their fathering journey.

Said Elvin: “We wanted to give dads an avenue to express themselves.”

Esther chimed in: “But the 70 to 80 dads who participated in the poll found it hard to answer the questions on the poll! They even found it hard difficult to rank what they liked or didn’t like about fatherhood.”

As they talked about why dads had such a hard time with these questions that sought to uncover their love language, Elvin had an epiphany: “Dads need to slow down to appreciate things and to figure out what they enjoy and do not enjoy.” 

Added Esther: “Mums tend to be more expressive and communicative.

“They will read up or do questionnaires. We are more proactive to want to parent well.

“But generally, there is a vulnerable side to dads as well. Dads actually desire to spend time with their kids. But some may not know how.”

Let’s play

To help dads get in touch with their inner needs and reflect on their parenting journey, the Foongs, along with their children, crafted 16 questions and put them in a gameshow format.

Hosts Esther and Elvin take turns in the video to ask the family questions to see just how well they know their father.

The gameshow’s 16 questions are crafted to help families know Dad and his love language.

Esther and Elvin Foong play hosts on the gameshow they designed for families to get to know Dad better.

Is Dad a side sleeper, back sleeper or stomach sleeper?
Does Dad prefer a sunny day or a rainy day?
What makes Dad feel better when he is sad?

After each question, there is a prompt to get Dad to share more about himself with regard to the topic raised by the question: Is Dad a snorer? What rainy day or sunny day memory does he have? How do you know when Dad is sad?

After each question, there are prompts to get dads to talk more about themselves.

To play the whole game takes just 15 to 20 minutes.

Asked why the questions were chosen, Esther explained: “The landing point for The Treasure Box is to help families get closer to God, each other or both. The gameshow is for families to slow down so they can get to know Dad.

“For example, ‘How do you know when Dad is upset?’

“When you don’t slow down, you don’t know this answer because a lot of dads walk away or bottle up how they feel inside. They exit themselves from the scenario when they are angry.

“If you don’t slow down, you won’t be able to notice Dad’s favourite food or coping mechanisms.

“When you don’t know, you won’t know how to love Dad.

“If Dad is a rainy day guy, maybe we can cuddle with him on a rainy day instead of asking him to take us out or do things.”

As proof that dads of all ages want to be known and loved for who they are, Elvin’s father, who is 70, has shown a lot of interest in the gameshow.

The Foongs celebrating the 70th birthday of Elvin’s father, who has seen the video of the gameshow and has expressed interest in it.

Said Esther: “He watched through the whole video and he was asking us about it in the car.”

This Saturday, as part of the extended family’s Father’s Day celebration, the Foongs intend to play How Well Do You Know Dad? with the senior Mr Foong.

The video of the game show can be found by clicking this link on YouTube.

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