Crippled by a nerve and muscular disorder since she was four, she grew up fiercely independent and had shut out the possibility of ever falling in love.

He was attracted to her zest for life and deeply enjoyed their personal conversations, but struggled to imagine how he would care for her as he watched her condition deteriorate.

For more than three decades after meeting in church in their early 20s, Leslie Chia and David Chim hovered between close friends and lovers, caring deeply for each other but never finding the courage to commit.

But last February, after a long-drawn romance, the couple took a step of faith and tied the knot, having drawn courage from 1 John 4:18: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.”

Growing romance

Chia and Chim first met each other in 1988 as young adults. Chia, then 21, was a faithful member of her church, having found much solace in God as her disability frustrated her budding life in many ways.

Chim, then 22, was a newcomer at that same church –  he had been invited by an army mate – who was rediscovering the faith he had grown up in but never took too seriously. 

Chia (right, in red circle) and Chim (left, in red circle) first met in 1988 when both were in their early 20s.

Being about the same age in the small church, they quickly became acquainted. Chia, who felt it was only right to be friendly to visitors, took it upon herself to strike up a friendship with Chim. 

He was struck by her warmth and cheerfulness – this, despite her disability. “When I first knew her she was already walking with a walking stick, but she would always come to church cheerful and happy, and she always joked about things,” recalled Chim, now 53. 

It made him want to know her more. As he sought out opportunities to chat with her inside and outside of the Bible study group they were in together, he found himself enjoying her company more and more. 

Even though Chia had long decided in her heart not to pursue romantic relationships for fear of getting hurt, she enjoyed the attention of Chim, who in her eyes was “one of the most eligible bachelors” in their group of friends.

“It was quite a nice feeling, I suppose,” she said with a laugh.

Their friendship blossomed as they spent more time together. There were sparks of a budding romance – Chim would often go looking for her at her university, where she was studying law, and was always available for her if she needed anything.

But not long after, Chia’s initial resolution to stay away from romance caught up with her. Though she had developed feelings for him, she decided to call it off.

She was “young, wild and independent”, she said, and he was simply … too nice.

“I had always lived my life independently, telling myself that I didn’t need anybody. But he came along and was always around. He made sure that he was always looking after me, that I was okay, and I wasn’t used to that,” she said.

Because of this, she would sometimes hide from him when she knew he was out looking for her.

Chim was heartbroken by her decision but accepted it quietly as he wanted to preserve their friendship. From time to time, however, he would still give her a call to check in on her.

Regrets and uncertainty

Their following years were spent separately, though they would reconnect in-person or over the phone every now and then, especially when they met with difficulties at work or in relationships. 

Having matured a little more by then, Chia sometimes looked back in regret for not cherishing Chim and wondered if she should have given the relationship the opportunity to grow. But it was not possible at that point as Chim had a new girlfriend. 

However, when Chim broke up with his then girlfriend, he sought comfort in Chia’s company. “She always seemed to know how to address what I was feeling at each point in time,” he said.

In hindsight the couple admits that while their friendship was platonic on the surface, “there was something emotional and deeper underneath”.

Still, there was no attempt by either of them to restart the romance. As Chim watched her condition deteriorate – she started using a wheelchair in her early 30s – he grew more uncertain if he could take care of her.

Chia sensed his hesitance, which she interpreted as disinterest, and decided against taking the relationship further, thinking that perhaps going their separate ways had been for the better.

“I always told myself that God is sovereign and that He allowed the relationship to be broken up. That was how God had purposed it,” she said.

Rekindling the flame

Their friendship remained at a standstill until 2012, when Chim, who was a simulation training coordinator, joined the same hospital that Chia was working in as an administrator. 

This allowed them more opportunities to spend time together and daily lunches with each other became a regular thing.

Still, no one raised the topic of getting back together. That is, until Chia decided to call Chim out for calling her his “dear”, a term of endearment that they sometimes used on each other.

Chia said: “For some reason I responded and said, ‘Why do you call me your dear when I’m not?’ He said, a dear friend is still a dear. But I said, don’t give me that crap.”

That exchange opened up the long-awaited conversation about whether they could become an item. A lot had changed by then – Chia had grown out of her “wild and independent” years, while Chim had grown more confident in taking care of someone with a disability after his mother suffered a stroke.

“After I began taking care of my mother, I found that taking care of someone with a disability is not such a difficult thing. I saw it as how God planned to prepare me to know how to take care of Leslie,” he said.

Courage to commit

However, for three years after they got back together, their relationship barely moved. “It was like we were locked in time,” said Chia.

Chim was busy caring for his mother and had little time to spend with Chia. Their relationship suffered as a result but they persisted in sticking together.

Things began to change in 2016, when they spontaneously began to pray together by sending typed-out prayers over WhatsApp to each other. The following year, they started to do their daily devotions together and were more intentional about praying together every night.

Chia and Chim attending the National Day Parade together in 2016.

One afternoon Chia told Chim that she was going to fast and pray for a close friend who was in distress, and he offered to join her. That kickstarted their daily time of fasting and praying over lunch, a shared habit that they still keep up twice a week.

“When we are joined together in prayer, God really speaks and it’s very powerful to experience,” said Chim. “Until we put God in our relationship, it never moved. But the moment we put Him there, He just worked amazingly.”

As they fasted and prayed together more often, they realised that God’s Word was beginning to speak to them in the same way. 

“Even though we were attending different churches at that point, the messages that spoke to us in our weekly Sunday sermons or Bible studies were the same and we were learning the same lessons from His Word,” said Chia.

And as they grew in tandem spiritually, so did they as a couple.

“When we pray together we have to be very aligned in our thinking and beliefs. When you pray for the same thing you are saying that this is important to us both. So to have that unity of heart, prayer is very important,” said Chia.

Chia and Chim when the latter was baptised in 2017.

During this time Chim also came across 1 John 4:18, which reminded him that God’s perfect love casts out all fear – in his case, fear of being unable to care for Leslie and of taking a committed stand on their relationship.

That was when he began to be more open to the prospect of marrying her. “God assured me that He would be there as I take care of her,” he said.

He suggested it to Chia, who began to play around the idea in her mind too: “I thought if God has deemed it fit to keep us together all these years and brought us full circle back together again, maybe He does have a plan for us after all.”

She agreed to his proposal and the couple wedded last February, 31 years after they first met.

A shared and certain future

In the past year of marriage, Chim has in fact found it quite enjoyable to care for his wife, who needs his help with moving around, eating and sometimes typing.

“I don’t feel like it’s a burden. I’m quite happy to do it for her,” he said, adding that she has also taught him to appreciate the little things – like “a good pair of hands and legs” – that he often takes for granted.

For Chia, Chim’s love for her has changed her prior belief that falling in love would not be a possibility because of her disability.

“She’s made me realise that I am blessed, and I want her to feel that she is blessed too.”

For Chia, Chim’s love for her has changed her prior belief that falling in love would not be a possibility because of her disability.

“I no longer see it as what is possible or what is not possible. But I see it as everything has got to be in accordance to how God planned things to be,” she said, adding that her husband’s love gives her a glimpse of the greater love that God has for her.

“I am constantly reminded that if an earthly person can love me so much, then how much more must God love me?”

Even as they enjoy married life together, they acknowledge that God has purposed marriage for more than just companionship. For them, they both have felt a strong calling from the Lord to serve people together, though they are still prayerfully waiting to see where exactly God is leading them next.

While they are aware that there will be challenges in the years to come, they are taking encouragement from 1 John 4:18, the very verse that gave them the courage to take the leap of faith into marriage.

Chia, now 52, said: “We need to always remember that God’s love is perfect and in God’s love, which He demonstrates through us, there will be nothing we cannot overcome.”

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