Things I learned from opening my home to a man fresh out of prison

Elaine N Samboo // July 31, 2024, 11:35 am

Dinamita (centre) with his secondary school friend Fabian, and Fabian's wife and author of this story, Elaine. This was taken after Dinamita gave a talk to maximum security inmates, sharing his experience. All photos courtesy of Elaine N Samboo.

When my husband invited his friend who was about to come out of prison to stay with us, many thoughts went through my mind.

At that time, we were a young family with a three-year-old toddler, living in a five-room flat in Woodlands. Was it safe to have an ex-convict living in our home? How would it affect our toddler?

Would he go back to his old ways and get in trouble with the law? What if he brought his gangster friends over?

Or worse, what if his enemies tracked him down to our place?

What would Jesus do?

I felt a little ashamed at my initial hesitation as I remembered that Jesus never shunned the downtrodden.

I realised that I should be understanding and empathetic towards his circumstances and try to render help.

My husband was concerned about how I felt, but I urged him to call his friend back and invite him over to stay with us for as long as he needed, until he was able to live on his own independently.

Sowing this act of radical hospitality became a life lesson for me.

Dinamita’s Journey: From Darkness to Light

Dinamita (not his real name) was born out of wedlock to a 16-year-old who gave him up for adoption.

He was raised in an orphanage where, from a young age, he was forced to develop tools of survival against bullies.

He grew to rely on his ability to use violence as a form of armour, so much that it became second nature and would lead him to crime.

Dinamita enrolled into a mainstream secondary school where he proved to be a bright student who excelled at English and Mathematics.

That was where he met Fabian, my husband, who was his classmate. They shared a brotherly connection and constantly had each other’s backs.

Dinamita at the Yellow Ribbon Run, a race to show acceptance of ex-prisoners. He was incarcerated seven times but finally experienced breakthrough in 2010.

Dinamita’s home life did not offer any reprieve. Living with foster parents at the time, he did not experience a sense of love and belonging, which caused him to resent his foster family.

He would hang out at Fabian’s home often: It was an inviting, stable, loving and supportive environment, which he had never experienced in his life.

My in-laws extended radical hospitality to him as a teenager, so much that over the years, he would occasionally contact them to ask after their well-being.

Sadly, this was not enough to keep Dinamita from descending into a troubled future.

The alienation he experienced at home led him to run away many times, seeking solace in the company of friends who were in gangs. Soon, he was committing crimes alongside these friends.

In prison, when he was asked to put the names of his family members on his visitors’ list, he replied that he had no family. He knew his foster family would be ashamed of him, and would not care enough to visit.

Like many individuals who get caught up in gangs, Dinamita found himself incarcerated over and over; he was in prison seven times.

Each time he was released, he would resolve to make good in society. But invariably he would find himself sucked back into gangs where his friends remained.

He seemed to be stuck in an endless cycle of incarceration. But God had other ideas for him.

Dinamita had grown up in the Catholic faith. Prison afforded him time to read his Bible daily and go through counselling sessions with priests, nuns and lay counsellors.

Finally, in 2010 when he was released from prison for the last time, he was determined to stay clean. That was when he called my husband and asked to stay with us.

The transformative power of radical hospitality

After my initial hesitation at letting Dinamita stay with us, I was reminded of what Jesus said in Luke 6:36-37:

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”

I realised that we had the opportunity to give Dinamita the help he needed by offering him a place of temporary refuge when his relatives would not.

Hours after his release, he moved in with us, bringing just a few possessions. Fabian and I assured him that he would not have to worry about anything — clothes, food and other necessities — because he could always use ours.

Dinamita (second from left) with his Tung Ling Bible schoolmates. It was in prison that he spent time reading the Bible, and the Word transformed him.

Being in our home, Dinamita was constantly surrounded by warmth and love — a far cry from what he was used to.

My cheeky and energetic three-year-old was always amused by his fully tattooed body and face. Dinamita was constantly entertained by him and quickly grew fond of him.

Being exposed to the joy and cheer in our home proved uplifting for him, a boost in his journey to a new life, one filled with a renewed sense of purpose and faith.

After two months of living with us, Dinamita broke the news to me that it was time for him to leave.

He was immensely grateful for our hospitality, for making his stay comfortable while he looked for a job. By God’s grace, he had secured a role as a delivery driver.

He handed me a little jewellery box with a gold chain and crucifix, a gift for my son. I refused to accept it knowing that he needed all the money he earned.

But he insisted that I keep it as a memento for my son to always remember him by. It remains a reminder today of the friendship in Christ we have with him, a gift my son appreciates.

Lessons I learned

In the last 14 years since he stayed with us, Dinamita has, through faith and grace, seen his life transformed for good.

He holds a steady job now as a Grab driver. He makes time to serve the elderly by cleaning homes and moving furniture.

His life has become an example for others: He is often invited to give talks at prison to tell current inmates how he successfully reintegrated into society after his release.

What is even more marvellous is his hunger for more of God. His voracious appetite for Scripture saw him attending Tung Ling Bible School.

Seeing how his life is a complete reversal of what it used to be made me realise three things.

The first and most important lesson was that through showing radical hospitality, we made a lasting difference to someone’s life by offering him not just a place of refuge, but a renewed sense of hope and stability to rebuild a new life for himself.

Now working as a Grab driver, Dinamita sows his time into serving the needy.

Extending our hands to someone in a time of need can truly, radically change the course of someone’s life.

The second lesson is that it is often inconvenient to be a blessing to someone, but what it really is is an opportunity from God to do good and to bring His love to a person who needs it.

We were blessed with a happy family and a comfortable home that was filled with love. We were blessed to be a blessing to him (Genesis 12:2-3).

The third lesson I learned was that what someone like Dinamita needed was not a handout, but a hand up.

By treating him as family, by opening our hearts and home to him, by making him see we valued him as a person, we wanted to lift him out of his previous view of himself into the brand new person God wanted him to be.