Formerly an air force engineer, Pastor Raymond Sim was working as an insurance agent when he told colleagues that he was quitting “to sell eternal life insurance”.

Then 32 years old, he had been on a two-month mission trip to Mongolia with The Boys’ Brigade, when he heard “loud and clear” from the Lord that he should become a pastor. It was a confirmation of other signs he had received about his calling.

He only got to tell his wife, Ruth Seah, 29, about it when he returned home from Mongolia.

Love through the decades: Being hospitalised during the early days of Covid (bottom right), and dressing up as superheroes as part of a ministry to children and youth. Raymond and Ruth were in their mid-20s when they tied the knot after dating for nine years.

“There was no such thing as social media, and phone calls at that time were expensive,” Ruth, now 54, told Salt&Light.

At that time in 1998, Ruth was working at IBM – her first employer after university – where she stayed for close to 20 years. The couple’s first child was about a year old. 

With Raymond choosing to serve God full-time, the family would need to rely more on Ruth’s income. 

“Raymond sought my permission and blessing. He said that if he took this path, I would have to become the main breadwinner of the family,” she recalled.

Ruth currently holds a global leadership role at French multinational, Schneider Electric.

Ps Raymond, now 57, is a pastor at St Andrew’s Community Chapel. 

The couple celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary this July.

Ps Raymond was one of the hosts at the evangelistic Celebration of Hope at the National Stadium, in 2019, that attracted more than 40,000 people on the first night. More than 1,900 people prayed to receive Christ and more than 1,500 rededicated their lives to the Lord over six rallies held in four languages over three days.

Ruth and Raymond are part of a growing group of couples who have reversed the traditional male-female roles.

According to a report in The Straits Times, 27.5% of wives in dual-income households earned more than their husbands in 2020, compared to 19% in 2000.

Main breadwinner 

During Raymond’s four years of training at Trinity Theological College, their second and third children came in quick succession. 

“It was by God’s grace, and with a lot of support from my mum, sister and domestic helper that we managed to get through Raymond’s days at theological school, my demanding career and raising the three children we had like do-re-mi.” 

As the family’s main breadwinner, time with loved ones like children Richard, Rebecca and Ryan is defined in terms of quality, not quantity. Precious moments include family devotions to “hear the heartbeat of our children”.

Ruth travelled frequently around Asia and to Europe and the US in her regional role with the American multinational technology company. 

The corporate high-flyer on a work trip to France in 1998 – the year Raymond answered God’s call on his life.

Ruth’s lowest point was in 2003, following the SARS period when she was given the task of retrenching staff.

“It felt very lousy, having to tell staff who worked under me, ‘You don’t have to come to work anymore’. 

“I wanted to quit my job. But I realised I had so many mouths to feed.

“At one point, I counted 12 mouths that were dependent on my salary.”

The 12 included family members across three generations as well as a helper.

“I felt trapped and guilty that I didn’t have the option to leave my job.”

Riding out the stress

Several things helped her to ride out the stress of this and other difficult periods. 

“First, going to God in prayer. I remember going down on my knees and going back to His Word. It was definitely God whom I ran to, and who saw me through. 

“Raymond has been very supportive of my jobs. He prayed along with me.

“Ruth is a woman of faith and a pillar of strength in the family,” notes a church observer. “She supports having Raymond as the front man in the family, and is proud of him.”

“He is a great help. He fills in the gaps at home, listens to me and takes my burden along with him.

“Whenever, there is a need at home – such as caring for a sick child or parent, fixing broken appliances, or organising a family holiday – Raymond is ever present and up to the task.

“Raymond has been amazing, always sensitive and remembering things I tell him.”

Ruth’s best friend since her secondary school days is another listening ear and big source of prayer support. 

Cell members also came alongside to lift her up in prayer.  

Enough is enough

In 2016, the family was hit by a storm. 

Ruth’s mum was diagnosed with lung cancer. Three months later, Ruth’s mum-in-law was diagnosed with Stage 4 nose cancer that had spread to the lymph nodes. She was given one year to live.

“You can imagine how devastating the news was,” said Ruth. “It was very tough on Raymond.”

On top of that, one child was facing challenges in school.

“It was the perfect storm. After 25 years of working, I said, ‘Enough is enough. It is time to stop work and take care of my family.’

“After praying with Raymond about it, I plucked up the courage to halt my career.”

God’s mathematics

Ruth was then working for Microsoft. Instead of resigning, she was able to apply for a sabbatical – clearing two months of paid leave and taking two months of no-pay leave.

But going on a leave of absence meant that she faced an uncertain future when she eventually returned to work.

“When you return, you may not come back to the same job, or the same department,” she explained.

Just a month before her four-month long break, the company implemented a scheme that allowed employees to take a month of paid leave to care for a sick family member.

“It was a God-send,” said Ruth, marvelling at the bonus of another month of paid leave to spend caring for her family. “Everything fell into place.

She was reminded of Philippians 4:19: “Jehovah Jireh, the Lord is my provider.

“We were not compromised financially.”

It was just one of many instances where the family trusted in God and have seen God’s provision.

“He’s never shortchanged us. We’ve always had enough.

“The Lord only punishes the sins of the parents to the third and fourth generation, but will bless us who keep His commandments to a thousand generations (Joshua 24:15 and Exodus 20:4-6),” said Ruth, giving another example of “God’s maths”.

“If I try to work out God’s mathematics, ‘eh, bo tioh’’*,” she said. (*Hokkien for “it doesn’t add up”.)

“When I think, ‘Eh, I am supposed to have less’, we end up having more.”

Wake-up call

The family illnesses were “a wake-up call” for Ruth.

Her 25 years of work had taken a toll on her own body, too. Now she had a break to care for her loved ones and time to reset her own health.

“Looking at the health of our two mothers, I knew I had to do something about my own lifestyle,” said Ruth whose excess weight put her own health at risk.  

With the help of a personal trainer, Ruth started exercising and developing healthier eating habits. She got her weight within a healthy range and became fit enough to start running marathons.

Before (left) and after: During her five-month sabbatical to look after her and Raymond’s mums, Ruth finally had the time to reset her health.

Ruth ran her first marathon in 2018.

After 1.5 years of healthy living, her doctor gave her permission to stop taking medication for hypertension.

“My health was back to normal. I was completely healed.”

God also healed the two mothers.

Ruth with her mum and mum-in-law. Ruth describes the latter as a walking miracle. “She was given one year to live. It is now year six.” Her mother-in-law had a second brush with death when she was intubated for five days when the family caught Covid in 2020, but recovered quickly.

Ruth’s mum’s cancer was caught and treated early.

Raymond’s mum underwent a complex 12.5-hour operation involving surgeons from three specialties. 

The mums have been cancer-free for six years.

Ruth, who mobilised her cell group and friends to pray for them, said: “It was the power of prayer.”

Covering each other’s backs

The reversal of traditional roles of the man bringing home the bigger pay cheque has “been tough, to be honest”, Ruth told Salt&Light.

Through open communication, the couple have worked hard over the years to show “mutual respect” to each other and to honour each other’s contributions. Both are conscious to uplift and give the other credit where it is due.

Said Ruth: “Raymond puts in the effort for things I do not have time for. I put in the money.”   

For example, Raymond researches, plans and books their family holidays. The child who has been through a major exam chooses the destination.

“It’s a wonderful partnership. We cover each other’s backs.” 

Through open communication, the couple has worked hard over the years to show “mutual respect” to each other and to honour each other’s contributions. Both are conscious to uplift and give the other credit where it is due.

Ruth, who carves time out of her demanding schedule to go on mission trips with Raymond, has seen the impact her husband has made in people’s lives.

She reminds their children of the impact of their father’s ministry in serving God’s kingdom. 

“I tell people openly, ‘My husband’s reward in heaven will be great because of the lives he touches’,” she said.

“He will swiftly reply, ‘No, I think my wife’s reward will be greater because she enables me to do God’s work!'”

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